After treatment this is what upsets me

bedo

1) I can't donate my kidney (something I wanted to do anonymously)

2) I can't go live in Costa Rica for 2 years (too many follow ups and 6 month check ups) and I figured I would just use their health insurance. Will not work.

3) I can't go on Doctors without Borders with my Daughter. (I'm not eligible)

4) I can't go to the South Pole to work (Don't laugh, I worked as close to the North Pole as you can get for 14 months.)

5) Men will be most likely  well, men when I meet them

6) I have to stick around friggin RI for check ups, not that it's not nice with kayaking and things

7) I feel stuck. I feel that I can't freely carry out my dreams.

8) In fact , (I'm in the early stages), I feel that I don't have card blanche to plan my future.

9) My insurance will be compromised.

10) I will never be able to be a surrogate to my daughter's baby. Ha Ha only kidding, She's still in her 20's and doesn't want one till 40 I told her to freeze her eggs.

I am grateful for other things, but my dreams have always made me feel alive.

Actually, this is what will upset me.  I am starting radiation this week. I may have a touch of a bad attutude, please take this into consideration and things may change tomorrow

Thank you for reading.

Anonymous

I'm sorry you are feeling upset right now.  You are still in the early stages after diagnosis and the surprise/fear/sadness, etc is very new and raw I'm sure.

I am already 10 months out and really see BC more and more in the rear view mirror... it will get better, I promise.

I just wanted to tell you on the "organ donation" subject... someone else here mentioned that we could still donate our bodies to science.  I think that is a really cool idea and one I am going to pursue.

Also, with your Stage 1 ~ the doctor follow ups should lessen and hopefully there will be plenty of new dreams to carry out soon.

Hugs to you.

~ Susan 

Claire_in_Seattle

Bedo......relax.  I do get your frustration as having your life hijacked is no fun at all.  First of all, radiation wasn't that big a deal.  More an annoyance than anything else.

You will have other dreams, but it does take a while longer.  I worked on small achievements when I was at where you are.  I had major chemo first which looks like you are escaping.  A year after radiation, I am stronger and fitter than ever.  My dreams are back.

A guy tried to pick me up last night, and Main Squeeze has not found me any less exciting than prior to diagnosis.

You can both kayak and do checkups.  Promise.  I cycle and ski.  It's fun to have everyone look at my very fit and toned body.

I am about to take my career to a new place.  Prior to diagnosis, I did not have the courage or focus to get there.  Now I do.

I would focus on the do-able.  So can you kayak in some of the coastal ponds during radiation?  What sort of other adventure can you do???

That is, if not this list of dreams, what else???

Meanwhile, consider radiation a month out of your life when you are tethered.  The other will fall in place.  Hang in there.  Now go eat some wonderful RI clams/lobster/flounder/bluefish for me. - Claire

bedo

I think we can donate our corneas too?

Thank you so much for the encouragement. 

Jorf

The only thing I haven't been able to do because of breast cancer in the almost 6 years since it came up is donate blood (and my onc can't figure out why) via the hospital I had my treatment in tho I guess the Red Cross is ok. 

It's hard to see past it all when you're in the thick of it. There will be wonderful things and horrible things that will happen in your life after cancer. And you'll live through most of those too. Try to be patient.