Sister with Stage IV Breast Cancer Being Vague

sjkammer

My sister and best friend was diagnosed in November of 2009 with Stage IV breast cancer. It had already spread to her liver and lung. After 2 rounds of chemo and a masectomy, the results showed that it had spread to her bone too. She has been on Tamoxifin but was basically told that if this didnt work then there wasnt much else they could do. My sister has always been the "bury your head in the sand" kinda girl. She knew for a long time that something wasn't right but figured if she ignored it, it would go away well it didnt. I can't help but wonder if she had gotten it checked right away if she  would be beating the cancer but i can't go down that road. So she had another check up recently, one she has been putting off since March when she was suppose to go get checked, and i don't understand the results. I am wondering if anyone has any insight on this and I am also just needing to vent. She says that the "markers" are down in her liver but up in her lung and hip bone. They are also going to schedule her for a mastectomy on the other breast but according to her, it is preventative. What the hell?! Her cancer has already spread, why would they be taking her other breast as a preventative? She told me she is having the same sort of pain in that breast as she did in the one they took out. I can't help but think that my sister has gone to the sand again. She has told me she is sick of being sick and I get that. She has every right to be angry and disgusted but she has two small children to think about and fight for. I have always had a six sense when it comes to my sister and I have a really bad feeling about things. I am so scared of losing her. She has also started shutting people out of her life and has gotten angry which I know are normal coping mechanisms but its a sign with my sister that things are not good. I wanted to be there for the next mastectomy as I was with the first but she is saying I dont have to be as though its not a big deal. Since her diagnoses, I have tried hard to treat her normally and very rarely ask about the cancer. I know she likes it that way, she hates the pity. It's hard though when you know they are dying. I'm just scared.

CoolBreeze

Your sister sounds depressed.  First off, there are many many chemos they can try on her before they give up, plus clinical trials.  I don't believe her onc said that right away after tamoxifen that there was nothing much he could do.  If that was true, she should have gotten another doctor - there are many people here who haved lived years on chemos.

As for doing a mastectomy when you are stage IV - it's not unheard of.  Newer thought is it lowers the tumor load, and even if that isn't true, if she's uncomfortable it can help her there.

The termonology for her tests aren't really correct.  Doctors will do tumor markers - test for the amount of cancer cells in the bloodstream basically.  They can be up or down.  Then they can do liver function tests, which also can be normal or abnormal.  I don't know what "markers" they would do with lung but maybe breathing function tests?  I am unfamiliar with lung mets so I don't know. 

I don't think cutting people out of her life and shutting people out are nomal coping mechanisms.  I think she's depressed and not handling it well.  Maybe she should get on an antidepressant or something.  Is there a support group in her area?  Has she come to this forum, or others like it? Sometimes it helps to talk to other people who are in the same boat as you are.

I'm sorry your sister is experiencing this but I'm more sorry for you. It must be hard to watch somebody going through this and having no good way to help them.

By the way, some people just have very fast growing cancers.  I had a normal breast in May and by July it was mishapen and dimpled and so much cancer had grown that I needed a mastectomy.  And, I had clean scans in December and in May I had tumors in my liver.  So, don't blame your sister for her condition  - sometimes it just grows too fast and even the most diligent person can't prevent that.

Good luck. 

sjkammer

Cool Breeze: You are right, if having the other breast taken out eases her pain then it is well worth it. I hadn't thought of that, thank you! I didnt think the medical terms made sense either especially after trying to do some research on it. I get the feeling she just doesnt want to talk about it and i won't push it. I also agree that she is depressed but I dont know how to help her especially since i live almost 1,000 miles from her.

doloresmc

Hi, I just read your post about your sister and she sounds just like my mom's way of dealing/avoiding her cancer; she'd tell me one thing and then contradict herself, or be very vague and I'm left thinking *what the h.., how can she not know the answer to that?. How come she didn't ask that???*.

My mom claims she's done enough already but your sister has young kids and something to look forward to. I feel your frustration and understand that you may feel like slapping her back into reality without being too pushy. My mom is also neglecting her follow up tests and finally admitted she wasn't going to get them done. 

Hope you find a way to get through to her and know you are not alone.

Many blessings,

Dolores

Crochetcynde

This is my first day on this website and I'm not even sure that you're still here but I'm thinking that your sister and my sister are related... My sister buried her head in the sand and waited too late for treatment but she was a fighter.

There were lots of times that I wanted to smack her and I bet there were days that she wanted to smack me, too.  I was the little sister who drove her crazy most of our lives.  I finally had to let go of the fact that I was not in charge, this was not my cancer and I did not have the right to tell her what to do or how she should live her life. 

Her fight came to an end last October.  I was blessed enough to have planned a visit when she passed away (she lived in Oklahoma and I live in New York).  I was able spend time with her and to be there for her.

So, as one sister to another, let your sister take the lead in how she wants to lead her life.