Harmful Personal Messages

luv_gardening

I can't see anything about the contents of PM's being confidential apart from address and phone numbers etc, and I think there are circumstances when other contents need to be revealed to the moderators.  Some contents may be damaging to other members or BCO.

Someone recently forwarded a copy of part of a message (which will remain confidential) for my comments, and it was about the financial affairs of BCO which I'm well aware are available to the public on BCO.  I now see similar allegations on the review site.

Other PM's doing the rounds are of the variety... Don't talk to her, she's a sock puppet, help me by reporting this post and other harmful gossip, often with the threat of being ignored or losing friendships if the request is not followed. Often it's by someone who has provided friendship or support in the past so reporting the PM feels like a betrayal.  I'm fortunate I've only had limited PM's of this variety.

I stipulated in my friendship thread that I would not allow gossip and I feel we need to do something to stop PM gossip too.  Would it be acceptable to forward such PM's to the Moderators?  Not that I have any now apart from the one mentioned above which was sent in good faith so I would not reveal it's author to anyone. 

I'd like to start an open discussion about this as I think it's fueling the current problems that are spilling onto the review site. 

AnnNYC

Joy, it has always been my understanding that troublesome PMs can be forwarded to the Moderators.  I have done so once.

thats-life-

joy, i am so glad you bought this up...i am aware of pm's being sent to discredit or create suspicion of members. i have received such pm's. i agree that it causes suspicion, and can isolate certain individuals, without the right of reply to any accusations contained. i think it is a brilliant idea if these pm's were forwarded to the moderators, or at least discouraged somehow.

Estepp

I have been very, very active on BCO for over three year. I have never once had an evil PM or anything outside of wonderful for me... or questions where I can give help.

If I had any PM... that was consistently horrid... something that after I 100% ignored, still did not stop after say... two months.... two months of me hitting delete... and not responding to them in threads..... THEN I would contact the mods.

I hope you get this worked out. This is a place for BC help... women who need educated and resources for their disease. This is a place for women to talk freely about their BC, and  not feel alone. This is not a place for what you speak of. I hope that you can find the help you need here... maybe while helping another sister along the way.

Laura

luv_gardening

I'd like to see some specific rules set out about what is acceptable even though there's no way to stop people sending gossip, at least they would know it's breaking the rules.

2:13pm Thursday 

suzieq60

I only send PM's to people I truly care about.

luv_gardening

I should add that the allegations against BCO are completely baseless as they refer to information that is publicly available on BCO and declared to the IRS, which is why there's no need to forward them on.  Nepotism, salary levels, cost of IT services and unprofessional moderators were the points raised.

Moderators

Some comments about PMs and how to deal with any you'd rather not receive.

• Spam (those messages offering cures, unbelievably cheap name brand sneakers and so on) are easy. Report them with the Report as Spam button you'll see on the message. You can send us a PM with the spammer's screen name too so we can stop them sending any more. Of course if they give an email address link, don't click it.

• It's trickier when you have an unwanted PM from a friend on the site. Here's what the BCO Community Rules say about posts and PMs:  "You agree that if you find yourself at odds with another registered user, you will (i) use the “ignore” button, (ii) not respond to an offending communication or (iii) report the communication to a moderator via e-mail or the “Report This Post” feature (but will use this feature only to report communications that are truly offensive, not those which simply reflect a view different from your own)."
• If you're reporting a PM because it's broken one or more of the Community Rules, please include a screen shot of the message since, unlike public posts, it's not right there on the boards for us to see.

The Community Rules are available from the link at the top right of every page, and they apply to PMs as well as to public messages.

Judith and the mods

crazy4carrots

Joy -- You've raised a question that many have thought about.  The internet is still a new medium, and it provides a venue of freedom to say anything you want, to whoever you want, about whatever you want, whenever you want -- all without much legislated punishment and with the added bonus of relative anonymity.  The courts in all countries are still trying to figure out what is internet harassment, libel, slander etc.

The incredible garbage (I would call it slander, especially now that BCO names have been used) on the Review site is disgusting, to say the very least.  However, as I noticed when reading reviews of my favourite restaurant on-line, anyone with a grudge, or hatred of the estabishment (e.g. fired employees) can post a review with the express desire to "get back at" the restaurant.  I'm quite sure that's what is happening on the Review site for BCO and it's hurtful, incredibly childish and possibly worthy of litigation.

I've no doubt that the emails you've suggested are of the same ilk, and should be regarded as internet nastiness and thus, disregarded entirely and trashed ASAP.

ETA:  posted at the same time as the Mods' reply.  Their advice takes precedence! 

luv_gardening

Linda, Thanks for your informative post, I wondered what the law said about this.  It's international too, so hard to enforce against people using pen names from around the globe.  Most You tube videos have such awful comments I feel ashamed to be part of the human race at times.

There's a comment on the review site refuting the allegations without using insults and no one has been game to reply yet.  Hopefully it will put those baseless allegations to sleep.

crazy4carrots

Joy, I think using an internet review site to determine where to eat, which schools are best for your kids, or which non-profit website to fund is largely a waste of time.  In the latter case, all that's necessary is to peruse the site, check out the info provided, see if it's updated regularly, and read a few threads on the discussion board.  In the case of BCO, a potential funder/sponsor couldn't go wrong by asking a few people who have BC to check out the site and give a first-hand, honest and personal review.

208sandy

Just a suggestion - let's all stop visiting the review site and get on with our lives (helping one another and enjoying friendships).

apple

amen

mrsnjband

PM aren't necessarily private.  I'm sure if necessary BCO can access them. I'm sure they don't have the time to read everyones PM's.  I know that other sites can do this. 

marie5890

Agree with Sandy.

We all have choices on how to spend our energy. It's always healthy to stop-pause-and-reevaluate where and what we do with our energy.

I dont  worry or get caught up about the review site. It not worth my time. 

Bren-2007

Yay Sandy ... I agree with you!  It's hurtful reading some of those bad comments.

hugs,

Bren

PS .. Can't wait to see you next week at NOTL.

Moderators

Thank you all for your efforts to re-direct the energy to helping the many women on the site who really need our support. Imagine how many we could support and guide if we all worked together!

As for PMs, please feel free to forward us PMs that you feel may be breaking the rules of conduct We are extremely committed to restoring a caring, supportive environment.

Best,

Melissa and the Mods 

Bren-2007

Thanks Melissa ... have a great day mods!

Bren