How angry did you get when you heard "the news"?

yellowdoglady

I'm curious because I was furiously angry when I heard my dx.  Some say they were not.  Say how you felt.

agada

I did not get angry or react in anyway at all when I received the news from my doctor.  I was not in shock either.  I just accepted it. Only now, a year and a half later am I getting angry over the diagnosis.  I wish I could cry over this mess, but have not really done that yet.

Agada

tedwilliams

I found out the day before we were to leave for OK for my step daughter's wedding. There was so much to do---I was hauling a truck load of things for the wedding. We decided to tell very few. As we drove home---12+ hours---we planned. Anger was never part of the equation...sadness, yes. My husband and I had survived blending a family of 5 teenagers----they all lived with us. We had been through kid stupidity, addiction, mental illness, and dealing with broken souls. There was also am element of fear....would we survive this?



We did and we have. Although that trip to OK was full of Oreos and Xanax.



I need to add that my husband had survived the mental illness and suicide of his first wife and all the ripples of that. That strength came through during this....





Jana

chrissyb

I knew even before I had the US and Biopsy but I just need those for confirmation.  I can read the US's so I was watching as they were doing it.  When my doc called me and said he wanted to see me straight away that was it.  He was far more upset about it than I was..........the only thing I said to him was ' Where do we go from here?'   I was never angry over the Dx but I was angry with the PS when he refused to do a recon.   Time passes and so does the anger as long as you deal with the issue.

Love n hugs.  Chrissy

Angelice

When I found out was told by my surgeon my hubby was with me I was more shocked and confused And worried for my family ,all I heard after he said cancer was blah blah blah blah , then operation back to blank and shock feeling .

hrf

It was easier to accept the first time although I couldn't understand how I had a 3 cm tumor when I was getting regular mammograms and being seen by a prevention oncologist every 6 months. But I was very angry 4 1/2 years later when I had a 2.2 cm tumor along with 4 lymph nodes because I had been having regular MRI and mammograms and being seen by either med onc or surgical onc every 3 months and even more often if you include my GP. I am still angry how it could have been so advanced with such intense surveillance.

Luah

I was neither shocked nor angry at the time of diagnosis. I had found the lump 3-4 weeks earlier and through all the tests and biopsy, I just felt a growing sense of foreboding... so when the doc told me, it was simply a confirmation, albeit a bit surreal. My pathology following surgery was a shock... and I confess I have been quite angry and resentful at times that I have to cope with this disease while some friends of mine live quite carefree lives - smoking, drinking (immoderately) and complaining about trivial stuff.  

Racy

Disbelief and worry about how I would tell people. I still find it hard to believe this happened to me and I have told hardly anyone. But I have survived surgery, chemo, rads with the help of a multitude of doctors, allied health and complementary therapists and, of course, BC.org. Beneath the surface it has been traumatic but I have been too busy getting through it to feel too much. I have dealt with my feelings in therapy however.

TifJ

I just felt an intense sadness. My Mom died from cervical cancer when I was 33, but my little brother and sister were 11 and 13. All I could think about was leaving my kids, 5 and 8. Once surgery was over and treatment began, the sadness lifted and I just concentrated on getting through treatment. I am 6+ months out and do see some rays of hope. My onc recommended a book called "The Anatomy of Hope" (he was recently diagnosed with a recurrence of colon cancer). I have not gotten through enough of it yet to form an opinion, but I hope it helps me look to a long term future and not just short term. I do still have days where I am sad, angry and just plain tired of all this!

nurseronda10

I was angry with myself because I didn't go to the doctor when I first found the lump......thought it was just another cyst so decided to wait until annual mammogram was due which was 5 months later. 

Anonymous

I knew that I would be "getting the news" just because my doctor insisted that I see her in person.  I ask my husband to come with me but I arranged to get there a half an hour before him.

It was a perfect Colorado fall day in November - and the sky was as blue as ink.  I sat on the curb (a side street) and let the sun shine in my face for a half an hour.  I had that half an hour before it became real and my life changed forever.

Bren-2007

I wasn't angry, I was stunned.  Caught off card really, because I never expected to have breast cancer, even though it was my second biopsy.  I was so naive.  I'm still not angry about it ... it just is what it is.  I put one foot in front of the other and did what I needed to do.

I did have a lot of fear though, and still am afraid it might come back.

Bren

LeapFrog39

I wasn't angry at all.  I was in shock for a couple of days....weeks maybe...and I felt a lot of nausea the first couple of weeks, and had one day of semi-hysteria, but once I knew what I was dealing with and what the plan was I did much better, for the most part.

Suze35

Like most women here, not angry - just confused.  The time from finding the lump to biopsy/diagnosis was 36 hours.  I could not comprehend how my mammogram was clear in April to two large lumps in September.  I wasn't even scared - I just figured I would beat it, no matter what.

I got angry when I finally got the full report from my April mammo where it was noted I had "extremely" dense breast tissue and that self-exams should be emphasized for "this patient."  The letter I got in the mail?  "Your mammogram was normal."  No mention of dense tissue, no emphasis on self exams (I did them every few months), nothing.  That is when the fury hit.  That place got quite the nasty letter!

Jwatrlily

The deepest, most emotionally painful shock and fear.  Sobbed in my husbands arms and felt out of body.  Deeply wounded by the news.

Juanita

wrsmith2x

Like most...not angry.....shocked was more like it.  Have never been angry.  Anger would not have done me any good.  Anger would not have changed the facts.  Anger would have given me a headache and that's about it.  Went immediately and bought a book and started learning about what would happen next.  That's it.....methodically went on with life.  Weird, huh?

livinglarge

Interesting to read everyone's reaction to the news.  My first reaction was the BS didn't know what he was talking about and I felt the need to explain BC does not run in my family and also I was too young, so therefore he must be wrong.  Then after a few minutes of him sitting calmly it hit me that he was pretty sure he was right.  I was dx immediately after US in BS office (it was that obvious). Feel lucky I did not have to wait for the any test results, as I have read many woman have waited days before the DX.  Not sure I can say I was mad or anger but rather hurt and scared for my daughter.  I do sometimes wonder why, but that doesn't do any good as there are no answers, it just is...

Letlet

I took the news calmly that I had DCIS and IDC. WHen my surgeon said that the only option was a mastectomy, that's when I started to shake, sob and almost drop my phone. I understood at that point how huge my tumor was (my scans showed 7-9 cm of calcifications). My husband grabbed my hand as soon as he hear me sob. When the doctor hung up, we were in the car crying silently. My daughter asked me why and we didn't have an answer...

christina1961

I have had so many different feelings, but not as much anger as fear.  Like so many, I was in shock because I never thought it would happen to me.  I quit smoking 20 years ago, don't drink, have never been overweight, eat healthy, until the last five years I exercised vigorously 4-5 days a week (from 20s through 40s.)  I have been mainly sad and scared throughout this, and grateful for the help from my sister, family, and  friends.  There has been so much decision making that it has kept me busy for the most part.  I stay in constant research mode.

yellowdoglady

Such an interesting mix or emotions. It seems the shock comes first, then the resolve.  But somewhere in the explanation and interpretation, I found myself so angry.  I asked my stepsister who was Stage IV at the time about that.  She said she had been beside herself with anger too, and that would pass, but it was a sign that I would not accept such a thing and would do better.  I read it differently.  To me, it felt that I had busted my butt for all these years waiting for my turn, and that thing might never come.

Say what you think. 

        

LRM216

I honestly can say I did not feel any anger whatsoever.  I don't think I ever have regarding my diagnose, but I can tell you that I felt tremendous fear and terror.  Fear is still with me, I don't think it will ever leave me, but it has gotten a bit more tolerable to live with. If I think myself into an optimistic frame of mind, I immediately feel as though I am jinxing myself, which then throws me back into the bottomless bit of fear.  I refuse to stay in that pit so each day I scale the wall a bit more but always wonder if I will really ever get to the top and out of the hole.  Damn, I hate this freaking disease with a passion.

IslandGirl50

I was not surprised when I got the diagnosis.  My Mom had breast cancer twice - lumpectomy first time and 5 years later got it in the same breast.  Two years later she died of lymphoma.   Deep down I felt like I would have it sooner or later.  Wish it had been much later.  But, doesn't everybody?

I was calm about it when the Dr called with the diagnosis but I was also scared but thought I would have a bilateral mastectomy and it would be over.  Three days later I found out I was triple negarive and that broke me down.  I have accepted it but I am so very scared.

Tomorrow I have the bilateral surgery with immediate reconstruction and I am nervous about it. 

DivineMrsM

I see this is a TN forum, hope you don't mind my posting.  I got a bc dx, was told how curable it was, then after further testing, about a month later was informed it was stage iv.  So that sucked because I was given a false hope at first.  I can relate to all of you who mention having fear.  And what I seem to battle the most is anxiety.  

Now I've been dealing with bc for 7 or 8 months and I've started getting pissed off about it sometimes. The lovely nightmare never seems to end.  I really ride the roller coaster of emotions.  Yesterday I had little anxiety and felt rather calm.  The reason?  I really can't say.  Today I have more anxiety.  Some days I'm sad.  Some days I feel hopeless (I've already placed a hold on the book "The Anatomy of Hope" at the library--thanks for the book suggestion).  I am up, down, all over the map with emotions.  Of course, I try not to show all these emotions to my loved ones.  I will let them know if I feel down, or anxious at times, but I can't hold them hostage to my feelings every day. 

jenn3

I wasn't angry, I think I was stunned.  I had never known anyone with cancer of any type. Sure, I walked and donated money for the cause, and did my annual exams, but didn't know squat about cancer.  I found the lump while lying in bed recovering from a torn achilles surgery and jokingly called it my cancer bump for two months until my annual mammogram appointment.  When I was called back for a biopsy I was frustrated because I knew it wasn't cancer and it was taking up too much time to deal with this "cyst".  So.......needless to say I was stunned with the cancer diagnosis.  After getting dx'd I was so caught up in doing research and learning as much as I could that I didn't take the time to be angry.  I don't think I've every been angry.   Is that strange?

lrr4993

I was shocked and scared, but never angry.  I don't really understand why anyone would be angry, although certainly everyone reacts differently. 

TifJ

Divine- I'm glad to see you put the book on hold. I am almost finished reading it. I am normally not into "self help" books, but this one is really holding my attention. It is basically about how doctors are able to treat us physically, but they are not trained to give us hope. The doctor who wrote it explores in depth the mistakes he has made and how both doctor and patient can successfully achieve a sense of hope. It can be a bit clinical sometimes, but overall reads well.

canadianleslie

Hi there - I'm new to this site.  I was diagnosed last October and it was all very shocking, but I haven't felt any anger other than one time when I was thinking about my pension that I have worked so hard for and thought that I might not get the chance to collect it!  But other than that, I have ridden a roller coaster of emotions.  Lately, now that I'm almost done my treatments, (only 3 more radiation treatments, yahoo!) it's a little less of a ride - but still very much on my mind.  I hope that lessens with time.  I was searching for evidence that other ladies with triple negative breast cancer survive and I'm pleased to of found this site.  It has given me hope and for that I am grateful.

1Athena1

Stoic. That is really the only way I can sum up my reaction. To my amazement, I remain stoic. You just put one foot in front of the other and deal with the situation. Amazed at my levelheadedness.

The "why me" that happens to many people - I never felt it. Illness is a part of nature, hence my level of acceptance. The anguish and suffering came later, with treatment. 

lalisa

It was my first mammogram, I was 41, and I was stunned. Also angry with the Doc, I felt he must be being dramatic/overly careful/sensationalistic. Now I see it completely differently, I think he is an excellent diagnostician, not alarmist in the least. All of that was just my fear.

It is funny, I went to the Dr specifically to check for cancer, and then I was shocked that they found it. It really was the end of a certain kind of innocence, I have to say I did not really believe that decay and death would happen to me. Now I get it, and am even okay with it much (some?) of the time. No one lives forever, the body breaks down. None of us know how long we have here. That is just being human and it is beautiful in a certain way.

Of course, next time the onc sends me for some extra test I am likely to be freaking out again...

Makratz

I was shocked and ANGRY!!!  After a couple days I decided I would fight this with all I had.  I hope you fight this like hell too!

jo1955

I have to honestly say I was numb when I heard the news.  That was after I was sent for a compression mammo and US. I mean, even after the biopsy I never thought I had cancer - the thought never entered my mind. No family history - just thought maybe I had a cyst.  And then my life was sent into a tail spin.  I had surgery 10 days after dx - everything was done quickly.  Maybe that is a good thing - I don't know.  It was not until I was half way through rads that I found this amazing website and got a real education.  Sometimes, I wish I had found it sooner.