To do Chemo or not to do..that is the question

lovetorun

yes I do feel better knowing what is ahead and that I have made the decision.  it is just scary.  I know we all don't look forwrad to the hair loss but I am excited with the possibility of something new!  thank you for your thoughts

ruthbru

Yes, it is very scary. There is a thread in the chemo form called 'suprisingly positive side effects' that might be encouraging for you. Hang in there, you will get through it and you will be really, truely fine! Ruth

IllinoisNative

I think this is a very personal decision.  In your shoes, I would do chemo only because I would be too scared not to.  That's not really a good reason but that would be my motivation.

 My doctor told me I would need chemo regardless of the oncotype dx test.  He said my young age, high grade status, and size of my tumor indicated that I would need chemo.  I chose to do the test anyway...and it came back high.  So my onco test confirmed that I needed chemo.  That made me feel better, but I'm not so sure I would have chosen not to have chemo even if my score came back low.  Mostly because I seem to be a candidate for any small percentage statistics.

I'm 36 (less than 5% of bc patients are under 40)

I'm BRCA 2 positive (I had less than a 1% chance of being positive)

I'm first generation BRCA 2 (I had less than a .05 chance of being first generation.  In fact, I'm the forth person in HISTORY).

So I don't do well knowing I only have a small percentage...the odds always screw me over.  LOL!

PattyS

IlliniosNative.....I'm thinking you should be playing the lottery. The lottery has pretty low odds of winning.

grayeyes

Lovetorun,

Glad to hear you've reached a decision with which you feel most comfortable.

About the hair loss:  I'm guessing the hair loss happens the same way for most of us (?), so this is probably what you can expect to happen, unless you shave your head before it happens:   I had long, thick hair.  I had it cut to my shoulders before surgery.  Around two weeks after my first chemo treatment (AC), my scalp started hurting.  The hair began falling out in clumps by the third week.  It became tangled in knots first as the hair falling out became trapped in the hair that wasn't falling out.  I guess that's why many women just get it over with and shave their head clean before all these things happen, but I hung onto every strand as long as possible. 

My mother cut the knots out for me.  There was a huge bald spot underneath, and the rest of the scalp felt sore.  I couldn't wait to take the rest of the hair off.  So, my husband - who has been shaving his own head bald for years now - shaved my head for me.  It was a total shock to see myself bald at first.  Also, my head felt so cold all the time, especially my ears.

I wore a wig at first, but I found it very uncomfortable.  So, after a few weeks, I started wearing hats and caps instead.  I have four more Taxol treatments left, and I have some fuzz on my head now.  I have to say, in the summer weather, being bald feels exhilarating.  If it didn't freak out my sons (and everyone else) so much, I would walk around without a head covering.    I've come to see myself as going through a metamorphosis, like a butterfly.  I think that's the way to look at it.  We're butterflies.  And warriors.  Yes, we're butterfly warriors, that's what we are.    We didn't want to be.  We didn't ask to be.  We wish we didn't have to be.  But, here we are.

Best wishes.  I believe you will do well!  And you're covering all your bases.

Lisa

lovetorun

Dear lifeiswonderful

This is a beautiful way of looking at the change we are all going through.  I may copy it and put it on my own blog from one soon to be survivor to another.  Butterfly warriors!  I was thinking of getting a pixy haircut.  I have long hair too, semi curly and thin. Havent colored my hair since 3/1 diag and the grey is really coming in.  I have never loved my hair but always did really cute things with it and will miss the ponytail as I run.  So, needless to say as much as I have always wished to have my daughters head of thick long blonde hair, I will still miss what I had.  Am trying to look forward to what may come.  This is all part of the package whether we like it or not but the point is life, and "lifeiswonderful"!!!!!  glad you wrote to me today,,,,put a smile on my face 

mdg

I am glad you made a decision...I also had to make the decision as I was in a gray area.  I did 4 TC cycles.  It was not that bad.  I did keep my hair with cold caps.  If you really want to keep hair there is an option.  Sounds like you workout (running).  I exercised 5 days a week during TC and did not miss any days except infusion days.  You will get through it...I felt better than I thought I would during treatment.  Good luck! 

lovetorun

ooo! that just really inspired me to know that you still excercised 5 days a week! i have been counting down the days that I have left to run and bike and now I have hope!  I also dont want to gain wait either.  bad enough to go through all of this and then notbe able to workout and gain a few lbs!

mdg

I lost about 20 lbs since my DX.  I ate my way through chemo - lots of carbs and finished chemo on 5/4.  I have gained back only about 5 lbs of what I lost.  There is hope.  I made a pact with myself that I would exercise 5 days a week through chemo - no excuses.  I went on my worst side effect day with bone pain...when I exercised that day it was the only time my bone pain didn't hurt.  It was the best I felt all day.....  You can exercise through chemo!  Tell yourself "I CAN" and you will!  Hugs!