New Relationship after BC--when to discuss?

dibel

It will be 4 years in August since I was diagnosed with BC----3 surgeries, chemo and rads.  In that time period, my husband also died of cancer.  There is an awesome wonderful new man in m life.  So far, I haven't felt it quite right to bring up my past cancer.  Has anyone any experience to impart?  Suggestions appreciated, ladies.

mdg

I wish I had good advice for you but I have no experience with this.  I just wanted to say how wonderful it is to hear you have moved on and are into a new relationship after all you have been through.  How wonderful.  I guess it depends on what kind of person he is, how honest you have both been with eachother up to this point and the type of conversations you have had with eachother (the depth of the conversations).  Maybe if you have the type of relationship where you can really talk openly about things (some men do not talk..in fact most men seem like this!) maybe you can ask him about the most trying situation or experience in his life. If he shares and is honest you may feel more comfortable because you have tested the water....best of luck and happiness to you!

dibel

Thanks ladies---will check out the singles forum.  If anyone else has some thoughts, please chime in.

Anonymous

Definitely check out the Singles forum. There is a ton of experience there and you can discuss your concerns with other women who are going through what you are. My own advice is to talk about your cancer when you feel comfortable doing so. It might be helpful and pave the way for you if you spend some time examining exactly why you don't want to talk about it yet. This would mean trying to pin down what your fears are and whether facing the fears means you need to just suck it up and get that talk over with, taking your chances that your new guy will rise to the occasion and be supportive or will, instead, freak out and head for the hills. My experience on these boards tells me that most guys are very supportive (even if they don't know how to be and behave awkwardly) and only a few show themselves to be jerks. These would be the ones none of us want anyway, right?

Personally, I found complete openness to work best for me because I just wasn't willing to waste my time if the guy was a creep and/or a coward. I was lucky and found a truly wonderful man who has been beyond supportive and appreciative of who I am not because I'm a survivor, but because I'm a lovable woman who also happens to have had a cancer journey. 

I hope that it works out well for you. You've had more than your share of crap and deserve a bunch of happiness now to balance it out. Speak your truth and I'm sure that, ultimately, you'll find love again.

~Marin