need to vent where no one will see but people who understand

anna24

oh my god oh my god oh my god. okay mom has triple negative stage 3 cancer and I can't talk to my husband cuz his mom died a long terrible death of the same thing. my mom IS my best friend and I can't tell her everytime I want to fall apart. I'm so losing it. aaahhhggg !!!!! When my mom calls and tells me all the cancer people tell her to tell everyone it's triple neg because it gets you faster results for information and stuff because your survival rates go down. she's over65 it's sooo hard to "keep all positive" about your mom telling you that. I say positive stuff and everything but, god ya know?? SOOO stuiped,  We have no other family because mom was adopted and my dad died early. Can cry all I want until kids get home from school but then what???Just need it all to stop. It's just going so fast and so slow at same time. have tension headaches and permanent heartburn. what do I say??? Keep going. It's okay. When this is over. one step at a time. blah blah blah.

lilylady

Just logged on and saw your post. My Mom is my best friend also-and I would feel the same way. I don;t know when your MIL had BC but things are so different now. There are so many new and exciting drugs and TN isn't great but it it treatable and survivable. The things they have to combat side effects are also way better than they used to be. There are lots of triple neg threads on here. There are also threads for older ladies-if your Mom isn;t a computer person you could post for her.

  You have come to the right place-there is such a great source of information here and extended family. You don.t get a choice-you have to be stromg and positive for your Mom. I cannot emphasize enough how much better things will go if you stay positive. The docs and nurses treat you different I think. The earliest days are the hardest-all of us here will tell you that. Educate yourself but don't freak yourself out by reading about survival rates or other statitics that are usually outdated. Be a strong advocate for your Mom. Go to the doc visits with her-start binders for all her info. Get her medicine cabinet organized.

Most importatnt of all-take care of yourself also. You have your family watching you-they will take their clues from you. This all sounds like a bunch of BS platitudes and cliches but it is all true. I was told be prepared to use the next year of your life fighting BC-I am 4 months in and doing great. I was given a poor prognosis but thanks to great chemo response I am flying thru this. 65 years old is not that old -I pray you have your Mom around for a very very long time.

Kymn

Hi Anna, I am so sorry your family is going through this God this disease sucks doesnt it. I am Triple Neg too and after the initial shock wears off we pretty much fight it the same as the positive sisters except no Tamoxifan or Herceptin afterwards but our type does respond well to chemo. From my perspective I didnt like hearing how strong I was. Quite frankly I dont feel strong, I dont want to have to be strong especially around my family, I wanted a shoulder to cry on and arms to hold me. I had to rely this to my DH as he had the be strong your strong attitude and it wasnt working for me. I know what I have to do, I know there is no way around it, I am 4 rounds into chemo 2 more to go, it hasnt been easy but I have done it. Just be there to listen to your mom. My emotions are all over the map and I need to know I have someone who wont judge me by them just like the wonderful women here on this board.

good luck to your mom and you,

ps crying in the shower is a good place no one can hear you

Hugs Kymn

dlb823

Anna, Lilylady has given you wonderful advice.  The only thing I might add is, if your Mom's medical team isn't optomistic and supportive, help her find doctors who are.  She needs an oncologist who specializes in bc and is extremely experienced with TNBC.  As Lilylady said, the stats are changing with the more targeted chemos they do now, but if her oncologist is behind the curve on this, it could make a difference. If you have any doubts about the treatment or encouragement she's getting, or if she's not already at an NCI-designated cancer center, getting a second opinion at one might be something to consider because they will be the institutions that see the most TNBC, as well as being involved in ongoing research.

Also, if you click on Forum Index above and scroll down until you see the Triple Negative Forum, that would be a good place to start researching, comparing, and asking any questions you might have about your Mom's diagnosis and treatment.  

I'm so glad you've found BCO, and I hope it will fill the support gap for you.  (((Hugs)))   Deanna

KristenRank

Anna, I am so sorry you have to go through this.  I just wanted to let you know that my mom has also been diagnosed with this horrible disease.  She is my best friend as well and I do understand what you are going through.  My best advice is to take each day as it comes.  Try not to get caught up in the future and do try to enjoy the good times you have with your mom.  Try to be become well informed about her stats and try not to compare her with other women who have breast cancer because every person's stats are completely different.  Take care, and please feel free to message me any time.  Kristen