Very scared need advice

Candylea

Very scared need advice

Candylea

Hi

My sister in law who is 36 years old was diagnosed yesterday with stage 3 level three breast cancer and had surgery in 2 days. My brother and sister in law have 4 children under 8 I am still processing all of this, i can't imagine how she or my brother must feel and everytime i think about what she is about to go through along come the tears. I am normally quite a strong person but this i am not coping with and i NEED to be able to be there with her every step of the way i NEED to be strong for my brother and my nephews but can someone please tell me how the hell you do that? Do i be there or do i help with the house work and the kids, i have two of my own as well so it's going to be hard but how do you know when you are smothering someone that if going through this when all i want to do is be there every second to protect her and support her!

I feel so damn helpless and desperate!

Does anyone have any advice on where i go from here?  

neecee

Candylea,  I am so sorry your family is having to walk through this. It is not something anyone would voluntarily sign up for!

Breast cancer is highly treatable, and the treatment plan for your sister in law will depend on a number of factors.  Surgery is obviously one of them.  What she and your brother will need in the future will depend on what her recommended treatments are, and how they physically and emotionally impact her.  

Ask your sister in law and brother what they need.  It may not be what you think they need.  When I was first diagnosed, I had family members that wanted to come to where I am and basically move in and take care of me.  I turned the offers down, because that is not what I needed. That would have been smothering for me, and would have made me feel helpless.  I instead re-directed their energies to things that would be helpful for me.

It is not uncommon to feel helpless and desparate.  Cancer is a scary word.  But your sister in law, brother, and you will get through this. Just take it one step at a time, one treatment at a time.  It is so great that they have loving, caring family members like you in their lives!

Hugs!

Candylea

Thankyou!

What you have said has helped allot, i want to give positive help so thankyou very much!

Candy

neecee

You are welcome!  That is what we are all here for.

Letlet

In the days post surgery and during chemo, some family and friends dropped off cooked meals and that helped tremendously since i was unable to cook and my husband spent all his energies on taking care of me and the kids.

Pam1

Candylea, I am the one that just had a double mastectomy and my sister does not know what to do.  I can not tell her what to do or what I need.  I don't want to be a bother to her.  I know that she would do anything for me if I ask but I can't.  I would suggest that you try doing little things for your sister in law without asking and see how it goes.  If it is only cleaning off the kitchen counter, making the kids a snack, or just go ahead and do the dusting.  Its the little thing that mean alot sometimes even just a hug.  She may just need someone that she feels free to cry in front of.  Be strong!  You all will get through this.