Supporting my sister

Burrbutt

My name is Jennifer and my sister, age 43 was just diagnosed with stage 2 IDC.  Pending the outcome of the upcoming petscan and MRI, this may change.  My question to you all is what can I do to support her?  She and I are quite different.  I am an optimist and would be more concerned with hair loss and loosing a breast. She on the other hand could care less about her hair or whether or not she looses a breast and is soley concerned with dieing.  I know survival rate is pretty high and that is great, but what can I do to keep her spirits up and get her prepared for this fight?  Thanks in advance for any advice you could give.... 

dlb823

Hi, Jennifer, and welcome to BCO.  I'm sorry about your sister's diagnosis, but it's great that you're reaching out as you are.  The first thing that comes to mind is to let her talk and really listen to where she is with this at any given moment.  A breast cancer diagnosis is an incredible emotional ride, and we all need caring ears & hearts to let us work through the crisis.  Also, tell her about this website (BCO), because sisters and bc-sisters fulfill 2 very different support roles, and she will need them both.  And, because you've already turned to the internet, I'm thinking that helping her research treatment information and other questions that come up (this site is excellent for that), might be a huge help to her.

Other than that, what you can do depends a lot on where you and she live in relationship to each other, as well as what other family support she has.  For example, having someone go with her to her medical appointments will be very important, and whether or not you can fulfill that role depends on both your proximity and who else wants to fill that role.

So sorry you have a reason to be here, but I'm glad you've found us!  Your sister is lucky to have you on-board for this journey.     Deanna

Luah

My sister had complications from surgery and a hard time with chemo. I brought lunch in to her one day a week, we went for walks, and a movie now and again when she felt up to it. I drove her to appointments, and sat through chemo with her. I admit I did feel a need to "cheer her up," (I am also an optimistic person), but now that I have gone through BC myself (and understand the terror that a cancer diagnosis brings), I can see that that was probably the wrong thing to attempt to do. 

Simply listening, nodding, hugging, spending time with your sister is probably the best support you can provide. Also, ask what chores or jobs she might like you to take on. Does she have children? Running errands or taking them on outings when she isn't feeling well might be a nice thing too.