just got my news

justme1

Its been a few weeks now. Since the day i was told. I am wanting to stay home . I have tons of test and doctors app and then all i want to do is go home .I havent attened my church since i found out a couple weeks -cant face people - I stopped watching my grandbabies 2 and 3 year olds .I have had so many app  for scans or doctors maybe just two days i could of anyway but i am so weak feeling so tired so easy. I did tell my girls i could watch them separate a few hours but together its too hard one daughter understands one thinks i am a fake and just dont want to .YEA sweet child of mine. I have watched her child since she was 4 weeks old and never complained now all of a sudden i am using my cancer to stop watching the  her.MY GRANDKIDS are the reason I am going to fight this cancer crap with every being in me.Whay cant she remember all the things i have been there for her ???ANywaz I know i am depressed I am going to ask my doctor about something to help me my surgen gave me zanx but that really isnt what i need from day to day i feel so weriod on it i dont think i could drive .I want something i can function on. ALL I WANT TO do is be home with my husband and I can go places nothing huge just get out . But i dont like driving anymore - I dont like people calling i havent heard from in a year and i dont like copany i havent seen in a year .All my close family i am ok but the ones who are just here since my new found cancer no thanks... I need to know am i normal? Have u been through this and your kids how did they respond. My oldest is being nasty to me. Thanks for any kind of advice you have .

TiffanyF4

Ok I totally understand! But you are in shock you feel as if the rug has been pulled from beneath you! Concentrate on what you need to do to fight this, but don't lose yourself in it. When you are ready let those that care for you support you. Your angry now, but by opening the door to others you are going to move from anger to the next step. It's almost like the steps of grieving a death! Allow yourself to move through each step. The number one piece of advise I can give you is STAY POSITIVE and surround yourself with positive people and people who truly believe in the power of prayer! There is a reason God has asked you to walk through this journey. I know myself it has opened so many doors to testify about Gods love for us. Hang in there. Feel free to message me

pil

justme,  I understand some of what your going through.  We have had our first grandchild since she was 9mo.  So she calls us Mom and Dad.  That was a good choice.  However, she is very selfish child at times especially around her monthly cycle.  She just turned 17 last week.  Yesterday she was supposed to have mowed the lawn on the riding mower.  She talked her boyfriend into doing it in which case he never showed up to do it yesterday. Then I told her to get out there and do it.  My husband is traveling since he just lost his permanent job last month.  Anyway, if he were here she would have done it.  She packed her little suitcase and said she is going to a friends.  I told her you run out on me and when you come back dont expect things to be the same. I never turned my back on you and you are to me now. You have responsibilities and you seem to always have an excuse not to do them or get someone else to do them. I told her at this rate I cannot trust her to be here to help me.  Then I reminded her of all the things she has recently gotten.  Well, I went in and laid down and 2 hours later I got up and she was gone suitcase was still here and she left a note.  I did not bother to call her. I cant be troubled by a ninny acting very selfish and shirking her responsibilities especially when I need her the most.  So I never called. She came home at 2pm and we hugged.  This morning it seems its back to the same thing for the most part.

 All my children live in different states as well as my son.  This is my sons daughter both Mom and my son had drug problem so we took her in.   I think we are too giving to much and our children always expect us to do for them.  Tell your daughter to get off her pitty pot and do for herself and help you get through this.

I think your normal or at least in my opinion.  I do not want to get out, well I am a homebody to begin with but its more so now.  I do not like to talk on the phone either.  It maybe depression.  I am going to go an art community next week. I hope it helps me get my spirits up.

 Maybe something to help you would be a good thing from your doctor

 Your are in my prayers.. 

justme1

thanks - i really wished my dd would understand its not just phisical its emotional too .  Guess she rather  think i am being mean not wanting to watch her child on my days i am not at the docotrs since treatment has started ,Than realize i am a emotional mess right now.

Just_V

I copped out and used email to tell most of my friends and relatives -- then i also told just a few folks who told others - easier than telling them yourself... I just 'let the cat out of the bag' by telling Ann at church - she'll take care of the rest of the church folks for me... and I was surprised that Ann had some experiences that she was able to share... wish i could say it gets better but it sucks.

justme1

Thank u thank u thank u I am NORMAL

       I have always been there for my kids and grankd kids .I have watched my grands since they were about 4 weeks old so thier moms can work . I cried and cried when i  found out in my surgens office not because of what i will be facing but i cried because i knew i couldnt take care of my grandbabies anymore .Well untill i beat this thing . I have pain with mine time to time -my biopsy hurt .I felt it all.Took a few days to feel better from it .  Then after that the next week scans  and more doctors app .I havent had much of a chance to do childcare . My nerves are shot.I do love having them come over and visit and  for a few hours have one at a time stay but no more all days . I evidently am faking it and JUST dont want to keep them. I guess now she will not let me see my granddaughter . She is sooooooooooo selfish.