PTSD_ Back to back to back traumas

vivirasselena

My beautiful family has been hammered in the past 20 months.  My youngest brother (46) died of an aggressive, horrible brain tumor in October (he fought like hell for 16 months) my mother (79) falls and breaks both ankles.....and I get a dx of BC two weeks after my brother dies..oh and my sociopathic sister-in-law is witholding my brother's 3 children from us....nuttier than squirrel poo.

How much more can one family take?  Truly, we are numb.  Just plain numb.

I'm not much of a complainer by nature ...blessed with a pretty easy-going temperment, but damn....just damn.

Thanks for listening...surgery for my bilateral is on Monday AM...and I just needed some support

P.S. people think I'm insane, but I'm a natural C cup....looking forward to being a small B..bra-less for life

NatureGrrl

It does seem to slam us all at once sometimes.  I hear you.   It can totally suck (pardon my French)  

I was caregiving for/living with my mother when I was dx with bc; then I was not only dealing with her cancer and dementia but my own treatment, too -- she died in the middle of my rads -- and then less than a year later my SIL died from ovarian cancer.  People used to ask me how much more I thought I could take and my only response (besides looking at them stupidly) was to say, I don't have a choice -- I have to take what I'm dealt.   I mean, like I could scream at the universe and things would go away? I had no choice. I never understood that question of "how much more" I could take. 

I always thought of the "joke" about the light at the end of the tunnel being the freight train coming -- because that's what it felt like at times.   I was numb, depressed, etc etc etc for a long time. I got knocked so far down I wasn't sure I would ever feel joy again -- and I'm a person who has ALWAYS held on to strength and the silver lining and most of all hope and joy,no matter what I've gone through -- so I really, truly do feel your pain and numbness.  If it helps any -- time does heal and it will get better. 

I wish you strength (you have it even when you don't feel it) and healing.  Take it a day, a minute, a second at a time... big warm hug, and know you aren't alone.

jancie

(((((yellow rose)))))  Ok, too hard to type out your name when I have chemo brain!

I sometimes wonder why I have to endure so many trials - at some point in time - enough is enough already! 

The only thing I can do right now is to try to eliminate as much stress as possible - eliminate the toxic people from my life, and take Lorazepam

Oh and as far as "reducing" breast size - I am working on losing the 30 lbs of chemo weight and I am going to get a lift and reduction - from a C cup to a small B cup so that my boobs are still going to look great 15-20 years from now.  I bounced back and forth between getting implants and having nice large perky C cups but when I found out that I would have to change out my implants after 10 years - I decided I would go smaller because what I want more than anything else is to be perky again.  I am 51 years old - I don't want to go through surgery when I am 61 years old if I don't have to.  So, no....I don't think you are crazy!

jancie

And one more thing - I have been in therapy for a year now and it has really helped me.  There are just some things that my dh will never understand, things I don't WANT to discuss with him so instead of storing up all of this crap in my head - I see a therapist.  It also helps that she is a BC survivor so she gets where I am coming from.  I highly recommend therapy if you are open to it.  Do know that sometimes you might have to try several of them until you find the one that works for you.

NatureGrrl

I second the therapy recommendation -- working with someone who "gets" cancer is a huge plus -- and I'd also mention that if you find you're seriously depressed at some point, there's nothing wrong with antidepressants/anti-anxiety meds to help you through a  rough time.  They don't make you happy but they do take the edge off and helped me stay on a more even keel.  Whatever kind of meditation you might find comfort in is also helpful, although I have to say at my low point I had no energy for that -- but even soft calming music (or a funny movie) can be a help.

Another big hug.

vivirasselena

Thanks so much all....funny you should all mention therapy....as I am an LPC (Licensed Professional Counselor) w/ a master's in Clinical/Counseling Psych...I'm just not in practice,  I'm absolutely open to finding a good therapist!

As for meds....it's a go on those, too.  I started on anti-depressant/anxiety meds after my last chemo in April, and am feeling better. 

You guys are a great support team...thank you so much.  My parents are coming into town tomorrow for my surgery on Monday,,,I just want for THEM to be okay, after having just lost my little brother.

Thanks again for your support.....means a lot.

michele

aka  vivirasselena