When Silence Speaks Volumes....

Lowrider54

What is going on?  The full moon isn't until the 17th...

Anonymous

ouf, thank you Rose, I thought I was becoming paranoid from people messing with our minds

     

mollynminnie

I concur with the others Lowrider. I could not have agreed with your rant more!  It was certainly called for and much needed.  I always enjoy your posts and admire your way with words.

Always in your corner,

Molly 

Beeb75

This thread made me curious (I missed the activity that inspired it) so I did a little searching and came across an old pal who'd kicked up a ruckus on another thread I was on. Her name begins with "m".

At first I really thought she was a troll (and I still think she is, in a way) but I headed on over to her blog, which she mentioned here on this site, and read back through it. I now believe she really is a woman dx with breast cancer last Fall. She says she had a lx and nothing else (which is what she posted on the first thread I saw her on -- before she turned mean.)

Anyway, she's been writing a blog on which she shares her opinions on BC and doctors and tx and other women with BC. What I find hilarious is that she accuses women who come to this site for support/discussion/whatever of wasting our lives on BC. Meanwhile "M" created and regularly updates a blog with her take on BC. I know a lot of people with blogs and it is a part-time job to manage them -- much more time-consuming than checking out bc.org and participating in a few threads here! People in glass houses, "m",....  

Obviously, cancer is a shocking diagnosis and we all find our own way to deal with it. 

Lowrider54

Oh dear...I thought I only needed my tin hat on the - OMG-They Found A Cure For Stupid thread - maybe I should be wearing it round the clock no matter where I am...

Roswell, here I come...

barbe1958

Beeb, you're bang on! I went to her blog too. She writes quite eloquently there, not so much here. But always cancer is in the equation. This is the ONLY place I talk about cancer. Even people I work with have no idea. It's supposed to be a safe place here and it often isn't. There were times a couple years ago when I was stalked from thread to thread by a couple of duds. If I said black, they said white. It went on and on until their ADD distracted them.

I must say though, that I am very surprised at a couple of posters who criticize those of us who do check here everyday, just like our own email. I enjoy the community and the sharing of photos, recipes, quilt patterns and generally a lot of laughs. When I've had a cancer question, I know where to get the answer as someone from here has carved the way for the rest of us. So those posters who criticize us....why are you still here, except to rustle up some more feathers?

rosemary-b

Curiouser and curiouser. Perhaps the pot was looking for a kettle to hang out with.

duckyb1

Ladies I have in no way verbally abused Lowrider54.........At one point her and I had a difference of opinion, and after a couple posts it was over................I never went back to that particular forum a decision I made personally wanting to avoid anymore talk, and I do belive I said that to Lowrider.......Yes I have only been here for 2 months, but I don't think that should mean I can't have an opinion.........I won't get into what happened, but I forgot about it right after it happened.....but I never verbally abused her or anyone else on this forum.

thanks to the Luan, Rosemary, and  Alpal, thank you for covering my back....I'm glad someone believes me.......I never went back to that forum, and will not go back......I'm thinking maybe I should find another website, and just stop coming here to BC.Org...........I'm sure there are others out there wherre I can find support.......I feel bad, since I made so many good friends here, and will miss the girls, and the games........I chose my forum's carefully not to go on another Stage 1V forum again, so that is why Lowrider's accusatiolns has me puzzled.

Lowrider 54......I want you to know when the discussion was going on about someone, it was not you I was referring to........We had a couple people on here who were absolutely bullying people, including me, and it ws getting terrible........If you check back (can't remember which forum it was) the persons comments were removed...........Belive me when I say to you, I was not talking about you..........we had our differences, I agree, but I never verbally abused you, and maybe you can direct me to the forum and my posts where you thought I did...........Let me just  say this..the person, or persons who were causing the problems had the first initial of M....and the other was J. Some of us actually thought they were the same person.........I am sorry if you thought it was you, but I would not do that.    Our differences were not that great to amount to being verbally abusive...........How about if we call a "truce"......I don't want to say we are in the same boat, but let me just say "we have the same disease"........

duckyb1

Lowrider54..............I went back over your post, and want also to tell you that I at no time ever reported you.  I'm not sure you meant that for me, or someone else at another time during a problem with someone, but I have never reported anything on this website.

I got spam from someone saying they could cure my cancer, and was going to report that, but by the time I did it, many of the ladies apparently got it too, and they beat me to it, so I didn't bother.....Again, I never reported you, or even discussed you with anyone..

Also if you check up further you  will see part of the prodding, and nastiness that was happening, but trust me that was the least of it......I wish I could remember the name of the forum.....I might try to go back, find it, and send you a message so you can see it..........

duckyb1

Lowerider 54 it might be something like Mamby Pamby Land, and someone told her it ws Namby Pamby.  I think that was it.......

duckyb1

Lowrider.......it is Let's chug over to mamby-pamby Land........

starbeauty

I'm torn between defending people getting mowed down for having a simple feeling or just shunning the offenders. One particular woman is everywhere... Running between all the threads saying inflammatory and hurtful things... (J.) But when anyone responds at all in kind she is all over it and lethal with her comments. I think from observing it that Voraciousreader is right... Silence speaks loudly, but perhaps we should pm the victims of these attacks as they occur?

Lowrider54

Ducky...truce it is...and I went out of my normal mode in jumping in to defend a newbie - my fingers have many bite marks from NOT typing...I usually sent a kind PM to the ''attackee" and let them know that this is a good place and I don't engage the attacker.  I did once and it was icky.  I felt I owed the entire board an apology and when I posted it - no one could understand what I was apologizing for - duh.   

Funny, other than, and I say this because this gal really was, one of my first post got me hung up side down over simply suggesting that sometimes, we can use a little help to cope - OMG, for pages, I got accused of calling her crazy and a loonie toon and it went on and on and on and I was so in tears, it was awful and I was scared to post ever again...some very kind ladies came to my rescue and after a few weeks (and a few more 'mothers little helpers') I came back and got into the groove.  I have friends here! 

Like...Hi Barbe - how ya doing?   I don't do in person support groups - usually, they are not all at the same mind-set and I may be the only stage iv in the group - there is such a variety here - some great giggles and caring and kindness - this is my support group.  It is working nicely and I am coping with my disease much better because of it.  And that is a GREAT thing.

However, this behavior does come around and as quick as it comes on, it goes away...until the next time - how I keep letting myself get caught up in it - I don't know but I suppose I have to learn the hard way all the time...

Back to Ducky - I don't know who reported me - if it was going to be you, it would have been done already so its someone else.  And thats ok - was just a tad shocking - I never had it happen before and it felt like the ruler across my hand...LOL. 

Oh, and the spam has been going around...Moderators are looking into it and blocking all they know - there is a thread to report the name it came from but they keep changing and using different variations so it is hard to keep blocking them.  We suspect it is the same person - techs are looking into see if they come in on a certain port. 

Keeping my tin foil hat on...just in case...Low

AnnNYC

Starbeauty and Lowrider -- as you do, I send a PM to the recipients of J's scoldings -- particularly when the "scoldee" is a newbie and/or had asked for input from people who've been through the same experience (and the scolder doesn't fit that bill).

duckyb1

Lowrider........glad to hear from you........honestly I have not seen that J back on again.  We have quite a few ladies with the first initial J, but it is not one of the nice J's........this one is not nice......I was actually astonished at the way she posted........and it takes a lot to shock me..and like I said the other was M.  I would say their whole name, but I don't want it to get started again..

I also have a question for you if it is not to personel, and if it is tell me to mind my own business....how did you get to stage 1V, in just 2 years..........Was that your diagnosis from day 1, or did it begin as a lower stage, and came back at that stage 1V.........it is actually scary to realize that that can happen if that is what did................As I said, if I am stepping over the line, just let me know, but it sure made me think a little differently........My first thought was..........oh my God are any of us safe from a serious recurrance.........I guess it was the 2 years that blew my mind, because I didn't think you were that new.

Happy about our truce, and i do hope you belive me that I would not do that to you......Would have answered this sooner, but I went to my grandaughter's softball game, and then stayed at my daughters to watch part of Dancing With the Stars...........Have a good night.

jteach

I'm confused (but that's nothing new)

I thought we were all here marinating in the bond we share.  Just sayin

Janice 

rosemary-b

Janice

I think that that is what most of us are doing. Some people would rather stir up trouble and then stand back and watch the sparks fly, all proud of themselves as if causing people pain is a good thing. Oh well there is a special place for people like that.

barbe1958

Oooooo Janice, you used a dirty-word!!! Marinating!! hehehehehehehehhee

1Athena1

When I see such posts I remember that the following image may provide the explanation:

rosemary-b

(((Athena)))

Did you know that you are one of my favorite people on this site? I have had my suspisions about the jperson.

jancie

Oh crap.....chemo brain is back.  I just realized that my name starts with a "J" also!

rosemary-b

No not jancie or janice but a very mean jperson who pops up to cause trouble. I'm trying to cover my tracks here.

otter

Don't worry, jancie. From the description, it couldn't possibly be you.

And, from the FWIW Department:  "marinade" (http://bbq.about.com/od/saucesmarinades/g/gmarinade.htm) --

"Definition: A marinade is a liquid solution that you soak foods, particularly meats in before cooking. A marinade adds flavor to foods and makes them more tender by beginning the breakdown process of cooking. The seasonings you add to a marinade are carried into the food by use of an acidic ingredient in the marinade like vinegars or fruit juices. It is important to have this acidic base not only to do these things but because it protects the food from the formation of harmful substances of the surface while cooking. Marinades are particularly important and useful in grilling because of the high, intense heats produced by grills."

In other words, marinating is good.  It adds flavor, makes things more tender, and protects them against "formation of harmful substances" and "high, intense heat."  I would not mind a bit more tenderness on these boards sometimes, and heaven knows there is often too much high, intense heat.

otter

[Edited to add:  Athena, LOL!!!]

jancie

Since I use an alias name on the internet it didn't even dawn on me while reading this thread for the past 3 days that my name also started with J    Sometimes the blonde really comes out in me

jancie

Otter - you are so funny!  Yep, we could use more tenderness on the board.  Maybe "marinade" should be our code name for a troll.

Lowrider54

Hello Athena...my perky B cup bud...LOL

Janice...good grief...it could never be you, silly -

LU otter...and if I have to marinate anywhere - I would rather be here but personally, I prefer it on the rib eye steaks for the barbe Q

Ducky - I found my lump in 1998 and went through a mascetomy, node removal, and CMF chemo.  Did Tamoxifin for a bit and spent 10 1/2 years cancer free - then, through a series of events - discovered metastatic breast cancer throughout my spine.  So I was an early stager that had it come back as a distant recurrence - it will be 2 years with mets in September - but I have been living with cancer in my life for 13 years.  It was pretty tough to take but after getting the treatment plan in place, the right pain meds on board and the proper mental health counseling and anti-depressants and anti-anxiety drugs and acupucture and ortho neurology on board - I am pretty functional - I do have a great many limitations and good days and bad days but - the double shots of Faslodex and the new shot of Xgeva (a bone strengthener) - as of all the scans - PET, MRI and full body bone scan - April 15th, 2011, I now have "significant reduction in the size and number of lesions throughout the spine".  They called me stable on January 16th but wanted to do additional scans as it really does take the combination and the tumor markers to really get a whole picture of where one is. 

That is not to say that the damage is going to be fixed - it only means it is not growing but shrinking back at the moment.  Still have pain, still have limitations, still experience lots of fatigue - and I have finally made the decision to stop working and have a life.  I said I would work until work was all I could do - the time has come. 

Anyhoo...'the sky is falling, the sky is falling'...better get out the umbrella's...

Hugs all...LowRider 

pil

thank you ducky

otter and good women, ya'll are lovely. Sometimes emotions get the best of us and we respond and hit submit. It's the ones who push their harder than steel shield up to me and say suck up crybaby when people are at a delicate crossroads. I came here for education and emotional support through a difficult time in my life. I have found the most caring and giving women outweigh the tough old booties that hang around the corner.

Thank you

Have a great day

jteach

Athena

TOO FUNNY!!!!!!!!

Janice 

jteach

otter

A little more tenderness is what is really neded at this taco stand!

Janice 

duckyb1

Oh Man............what i wouldn't give for a Taco right now.........in Ghost it was cigarette....haha

Jancie.......rest assured you are not the J. your not capable of being that mean.

Lowerider.......you have certainly been through the mill, and God bless you, you worked through all this....My hat is off to you.............Your a fighter......Just keep it up cause you deserve the good things in life.........Hopefully that all comes to you with good reports all the time

Hugs, and keep your chin up........