Husband just diagnosed

mushroom48

I was not surprised that I had cancer, I sensed it through my career that I had in the Navy. Cancer was something that my chances of getting were higher than some. I had worked in areas where I was exposed to more radiation than most people. In fact that the last 11 years of my career I was teaching people that they should not be doing it the way we had done it for the first 10 years. When the doctors told me it was breast cancer , I was sort of taken back but I went out and told people that is what I had. In fact I have been telling more people that men do get it and that it is something men must check on. Last year when the post office came out with the breast cancer stamp, a poster was put up in the local post office saying that basically you should make sure your female relatives check for breast cancer. I convinced the Post Office lady that men do get it and I knew that for a fact. They changed it to include all relatives should check themselves for breast cancer.

HansieDZ

Jim,

Thank you for sharing your story and also for your service to our country. My dad was in the also in the Navy,during WWII.

You sound like a good advocate for men with breast cancer. I'd love to hear more of your story: what your treament was,prognosis,etc. but if you don't feel like sharing that right now,I understand.

It's hard to get much information on MBC but I certainly admire the men who speak out on their behalf. I'm trying to understand as much as I can and most of the information is female-specific (breast reconstruction,etc.) so anything written about or from men is most appreciated.

Best wishes and good health!

Jennifer

Marple

Hansie, I've not read all the posts here but just in case nobody has mentioned........EricV is posting too.  He is a man with b.c.

HansieDZ

Update:

We told our children yesterday and then told his family. All are so supportive! I have let the principals/counsellors of the schools our children attend know what is going on with our family. I have let my friends IRL know and they are just so wonderful. We are blessed to have such strong support and so many people are praying for us. I am comforted by the love we are surrounded by and I will draw on that in the difficult months ahead.

We are all here for one purpose: to share,commiserate,laugh,cry,uplift,pray and find strength,courage and comfort. May we be all these things to one another on this journey.

Thank you friends!

Jennifer

steelrose

Jennifer,

I am so glad that you and your husband have strong support from your family and friends! Please continue to keep us updated too... we're always here for any extra support you may need!

Wishing you the best...

Rose. 

HansieDZ

Sorry to bug everybody with updates,

but the doctor at IU called this afternoon with the "good" news that Hubby's HER2neu profile came back as negative so we are thankful for that. She is the one we both immediately trusted and bonded with although she is our "second opinion" doc. She presented my husband's case at the tumor review board at the Simon Cancer Center in Indy and the docs there said that they thought he didn't necessarily have to have chemo before surgery; that we could go ahead and have surgery (masectomy) first and then in 4-6 weeks, start chemo. 

So we have some decisions to make in the next few days.We are praying we make the best ones for him and our family. If you all could find it in your hearts to add a little prayer for us,we'd be so grateful. And thanks for listening!

Blessings for all of us on this journey.

~Jennifer

BarbaraA

Prayers going up!

HansieDZ

Thank you Barbara!

Let all our prayers rise like incense!

faithandfifty

Jennifer. This is my first visit into this forum, but your headline happened to catch my eye when I came into BCO tonight. I've read through the thread to get 'acquainted' and I'm so glad that you've made it over the first hurdle of now sharing the news with your own family and IRL friends. That is obviously going to be HUGE in the journey ahead -- having the support of your loved ones.

I can't begin to imagine the 'unique' feelings that must be your husband's and yours to share vicariously, by being in such the minority of the equation. I'm so glad that some of the men have already offered their voices of experience and their support.

Each of us has our own timetables to each portion of the journey. I personally didn't tell me own quasi-adult daughters until well after my surgery and half way thru rads -- as they were each geographically at a distance. I, too, chose to tell them in person when I was able to be with them. Many here thought I was outta my gourd at that decision, but it is what worked for me at the time. Sharing with the children, does indeed make everything seem much more 'real' taking things from the bad-dream stage into the light of day. That's probably a good thing in retrospect.

I respect your husband for needing to come to grips on his own time-table. Seems completely understandable. The part about the pink envelope for the films was just deplorable on every possible level. I hope that when one or the other of you have your bearings and a 'grip' on the day to day that you raise a real ruckus over that cartoon-like, embarassment that was ladeled on top of the announcement itself.

That seems like something that raising a real STINK over -- would benefit everyone. Maybe don't get a grip. Maybe just have a big hissy-fit. Unfortunately that's sometimes how things move forward, someone has a hissy.

Over the whole pink-stigma-women's disease, I can't even begin to imagine. When you're here in Oct you'll see an entire spectrum of feelings from the female survivors over the color pink..... I can't imagine what the men think.

One day at a time. One hour. One decision.

Know that there are many caring, wonderful, encouring folks around here -- but like me, they may not even think to pop in on this forum. Know also that there are some amazing 'threads/forums' for prayer support and inspiration. We have a "garden" thread where prayers are said for one another, for family members and a lot of hymn singing goes on -- as well as great photos of natural beauty/gardens/flowers. You'd be welcome on any of these other threads..... a quick 'my husband yada yada' intro and we can heap prayers on the two of you!!!

Be strong, be weak, or just be -- with one another.

Keep in mind that people say the "ding-bat-i-est" of things to we, the female survivors, so I can lay odds that your husband will hear downright idiotic stuff. There does come a point where you learn to shrug your shoulders and realize what is said is a reflection of the speaker and let it go at that. I will hope that your support system is superlative in every way.

You've done a great thing, by coming here for support. For yourself. For your dear husband.

I wish you every 'easy' decision as you inform yourselves.

xx00xx00xx00xx

Strength and courage.

Strength and courage.

Strength and courage.

steelrose

Glad to read your update, Jennifer. Prayers for you and your family. Trust that you will make the right decision!

All the best,

Rose.

pee

It is so nice to read such an open forum on male bc.  I don't think I have ever read such a good conversation full of support and care.  Keep it up.

nora_az

My mom had breast cancer as did her brother.

My uncle was diagnosed about 7 years ago or so. He is very up front in letting people know he had breast cancer. He feels it is so important for men to know that it's just not something women get.

steelrose

Hi Jennifer...

Just thinking of you, and hoping that you and your husband are doing well. Wishing you a nice Memorial Day weekend!

Rose.

HansieDZ

Bless you Rose and right back atcha!

Hubby and I go to IU Med Center to meet with his surgeon on Monday, June 6. We will be having surgery in Indy but chemo here in Ft. Wayne.

My sweet husband is now more comfortable with actually sharing what his cancer is and I think it is really helping him. Not sure he's quite ready to wear a pink ribbon on his shirt yet,but maybe some day! It's all on his schedule anyway,so whatever he is comfortable with and whenever; that's what we'll go with. Once he has a masectomy and starts chemo,things may change,but I'm just going to follow his lead.

Like everyone else, we live each moment as it comes

~Jennifer

nora_az

Jennifer,

I will share with you a funny story about when my mom found out her brother had breast cancer.

My Aunt called my Mom and said, "I just wanted you to know that your brother is going in for a mastectomy" My Mom hearing this all wrong and knowing her brother and sister in law are in their mid 60's said, "Isn't a bit too late for that?"

Took my Mom awhile to realize my aunt said mastectomy and not vasectomy!

HansieDZ

LOL, bless her heart!

I bet EVERYone got a good laugh out of that one!

Thanks for sharing that good story

steelrose

Jennifer,

Good luck to your husband on Monday. I hope you both like and are as comfortable with the surgeon as you are with the oncologist. Ask lots of questions! I'm glad that your husband is more comfortable with his diagnosis, but I certainly don't expect him to be wearing any pink ribbons... I'm not a big fan of those myself!

Happy Weekend...

Rose. 

Patriotic

Hi Hansie,



I agree with Rose. Cancer is isolating, in and of itself. I'm a woman and I haven't told people outside my inner circle. I can imagine how your husband must feel. Give him some time to let it all sink in. It took me weeks to visit doctors, have diagnostic tests, read, learn, pray and mourn my former "regular" life. Then, it's time to get a plan and move forward. You'll both feel better as soon as treatment starts.



All the best!

HansieDZ

  We had a great meeting with the surgeon (lol, Hubby said, "I like women doctors: they are more compassionate!" ) and we now have a surgery date of June 23 at 8:30 a.m. Since he will be having the radioactive isotope and then dye for the SNB put in first,we have to be there at 5:30. We live about 2 hours NE of Indy so we will stay at a hotel the night before. AFAIK,he will be staying one night in the hospital. Of course,that all depends on what all the surgeon finds once she gets in there.

It will be 8 weeks since his diagnosis by the time he has surgery. Is that an extraordinary long time or does it just seem like it to me???? 

Just wanted to update everyone. Can't believe it's only 2 weeks away......

~Jennifer

mrsnjband

Hi Jennifer, 

I'm sure having to wait 8 weeks seems like forever but by getting a second opinion most likely delayed the treatment phase.  I know it took my 8 weeks to get my diagnosis & that seemed liked forever! Unless you dear hubby had a more aggressive cancer things might have moved a little faster but you needed to make sure you could unstand what all was invovled & have accurate information. Sounds like you got that with your second opinion.  You really need to have full confidence in your MO.

I'm glad that you have been able to tell your family what is going on.  I am a school teacher & I was told not to talk about it.  That put way too much pressure on me, especially when the kids would ask me a direct question.

I'm glad you came here, I didn't know about this site when I was in treatment.  I have a rare & very aggressive form of bc & it was so hard to not have anyone to compare notes with.

Sending lots of love & prayers your way. NJ 

HansieDZ

Thank you Norma June,

 Yes,you're right about getting the second opinion delaying things,but I don't think we will regret that (the second opinion gave us a completely different protocol). It just seems like the sooner we start,the sooner we can get through!

I am finding such information and support at this site! Just an unbelievable amount of courage and inspiration from all you ladies that makes us believe,we too will be able to say we are Survivors.Not to mention,the practical things that we need to know (like drains: I had no idea about"drains"! No doctor ever mentioned "drains") before,during and after treatment.

Bless you on your journey NJ and my prayers are with you and everyone here.

steelrose

Jennifer...

Yes, it's hard to believe it's been 8 weeks... wow! I did chemo before my surgery, so I waited for several months. The SNB was done on me as well... very surprisingly my nodes were clear! I hope your husband's are as well. And I stayed in the hospital for one night too. He'll be happy to get it over with (the build up is honestly the worst part), and happy to get back home. Together you'll get through this and move forward!

All the best,

Rose.

Haljen

Hi Jennifer! My good thoughts and positive energy are headed your way! My husband was diagnosed at the end of Feb 2011, he had surgery on April 13th. (Right full mastectomy) Thankfully his lymph node dissection came back negative and he is on the road to recovery! He just started chemo this Wednesday and the side effects change day to day. His BRCA test came back negative and his onco test on the tumor itself came back at a 12. He has a low rate of reoccurrence, however due to the length of time he had symptoms that went un treated and his young age of 36, the oncologist recommended chemo. My brave brave hubby is willing to do anything it takes to rid himself of this disease! I can't believe it's taken me this long to find a forum to share our experience and see others. All my best! Jen</p>

ma111

Jennifer,

Even though I am a female I don't like saying breast cancer because thats where the eyes go as soon as I say it, I am not small breasted. Chest tumor is a good way of putting it, I'm, going to try it.

I come on the male cancer site soemtimes to remind the guys that breast cancer knows no sex and there are a lot of good topics and advise on the other, (female side). Do visit there for topics that might interest you. There are a few husbands that post on behalf of the wife.

HansieDZ

Updating from the hospital:

Friends,thanks for all your prayers and well wishes for hubby's surgery this morning. Unfortunately,the news isn't as good as we'd hoped but we had prepared ourselves for this. The cancer has spread and the surgeon removed 20 lymph nodes in addition to the full masectomy.

We won't know the full path. until Weds/Thurs of next week. He did well throughout surgery and we're expecting to go home tomorrow morning. I know he will rest better and feel more comfortable in our own home.

I will update as I can and for those who are following our journey: thanks and keep praying please!

~Jennifer

37antiques

Hi Jennifer,

I'm glad he's recovering well, and hope he is as comfortable as he can be in the hospital.  Thank you for the update, we will keep you in our prayers.

((Hugs))
Sue

Anonymous

Hi Jennifer,

I'm new here posting to the forum, but not new to cancer.  I'm stage 4 BC as of this spring, originally diagnosed Stage 2B in 2005.  Full mastectomy + 2 nodes, right side.  I had Testicular CA in the early eighties, so I've been through the issues (is it Karma?).  Yes, the BC diagnosis was a little strange at first, but in the end, it is what it is.  You just learn to roll with it.  There are so many advances since the eighties when I felt like it was a cancer wilderness.  Cisplatin chemo was no fun.  So, there are over 1800 of us gents here in the US with BC.  I wish your husband the best.  Keep us posted.

Diagnosis: 2/14/2011, Stage IV, ER+/PR-, HER2-

NSWTD

I am not typical if the information on these boards is accurate.  I have told practically no one of my diagnosis and I do not plan to do so any time soon. Please, please respect your husband's wishes to not disclose his illness.  It is his story to tell and he will tell what he wants in his time.   I did not have any chemo or rads so it was very easy to not disclose my diagnosis.    I told my sister who is close to me in age. I did not even tell my mother.  Why, to worry her?  She is 84 and even if she were to get breast cancer now, my diagnosis is not going to help her.   

Best of luck to you and your husband during this very difficult time. 

Huskermom

Hi Jennifer,

I just had the same experience as you.  My husband was diagnosed the june 16th and had mastectomy June 23. Her was shocked but able to go through it because we had already been through it with me a few years ago not breast cancer but blood cancer( happy to say I am in remission) He told our kids one at a time because he has a big hx of breast cancer in women in his family. IDC stage 2 BRACA1and 2 neg node involvement. I am wanting to find studies on male breast cancer are the drugs going to react the same...Let me know where you guys path takes you

Thanks also to the men and women supporting us here we appreciate you

steelrose

Just wanted to say how happy I am that so many men and women are stepping forward in this forum! Good luck to your husband too, Huskermom... and best wishes to all of the men fighting this disease. And to Jennifer, as always...

Rose.