Help, can't stop crying.

GmaFoley

I should be happy the surgeon yesterday got all the cancer/margin out - he says everything looks good.  I never thought taking my nipple would be so traumatic.. But now that I've seen that empty spot... All of you wonderful ladies that have lost the whole breast...seems so much more of a loss than just my nipple.  My situation is so small compared to you.. Why can't I just be happy? 

Anonymous

Any loss if a loss.  I had a "partial mastectormy" about 6 years ago.  I'm pretty sure on one would ever know, but I see the difference in my breasts everytime I look at them-and, for me, it was a reminder of the possibilites.  I'm having a BMX with recostrucion in June.   One of my biggest issues has been (for the past 6 years as I've thought about this procedure) the loss of my nipples.  I've found a PS who does a "nipple sparing" BMX, but he said, during our first appt. that one breast (where I"d had a lot of tissue removed) was a no brainer,but the other-because it is heavier and sags more-and I'm a B cup...he may not be successful with, but is willing to try.  He also said if they find any cancerous tissue-both nipples will be removed (I'm doing the BMX prophylactically).  I have alot of fear about how I will react emotionally if I wake up with one or no nipples.  Different body parts havd different meanings to all of us.  If you feel like crying and feel sad,then feel sad.  I suspect (and hope) it will run it's course and you will figure out the best way for you to deal with it.  You can't compare whose situation is "worse".  We all have situations that, perhaps, we weren't expecting, and your feelings are what they are and you should not feel guilty about them.  Hang in there!   Pat

D4Hope

Awww hon losing any part of a breast is tramatic. This disease is scary.No situation is too small here. I am giving you a cyber hug and wishing you did not have to join this club. Lot's of wonderful people here so feel free to vent away. We will listen.

Emaline

One plastic surgeon I saw tried to talk me out of getting doing a nipple and the areola tattoo. I know it will never a real nipple again and I know it is fake...but I also know when I take a shower in the morning or get changed, I want that visual cue. So I understand!  It makes sense.

 As the ladies above me posted, a loss is a loss.  You can't get into comparison games, that will make your head start spinning.

(((Hugs)))  Sorry for all you are going through.

D4Hope

Emaline I had nipple reconstruction and for me it was the best thing I ever had done.

GmaFoley

Pat, the first surgery I had 10 days ago, we didn't know it was cancer even though my chances of it not was bad.  The tumor was under the nipple - doc said he had to scrape the cancer off the nipple.  With it being in the margin - i felt I needed to have it removed, 2nd surgery yesterday, the  Surgeon said he got good margins.  You all are right  - it is still a loss.. thanks for validating my feelings.. you are awesome ladies..

debbie_58

Hi Gma Foley

I had my nipple removed when I had my breast reconstuction done initially. Two years later they gave me a new nipple. Truely unless you are with the same guy they wouldn;t know. My Doc was Indian and bloody brillant. I always remember it as it Shanelle Corby;s court case and if you are in USA you won't know her but she got caught with drugs in Bali. Anyway she's in jail for a long time and my nipple looks fine. I was awake for the op and really interesting. Get a guy Doc as they love nipples and he did an awesome job. Truley if that is all you have to worry about  .... you are lucky. Your Doc is looking after you big time!!!

Kay_G

GMA Foley, do not feel bad.  I've been told I have to have a mastectomy when I finish my neoadjuvant chemo.  Went to see a ps.  She showed me some pictures of her "work".  I was shocked that none of  the reconstructions had nipples.  I don't  know why I wouldn't have realized that.  But given the shock the pictures were to me, I can imagine your pain and shock at not having it there.  The PS did also show me pics of futher surgeries when she "added" nipples.  Didn't ask too much about that, but they definitely looked very natural and normal.  It is amazing what docs can do for us.  I still wish I didn't have to have it done though.

Great news on the good margins!  Try to think more on the good than the bad.  Good luck throughout your treatment.  Let us know what is going on.

AmyIsStrong

Every loss is a loss, no matter what other people go through.  I kept my nipple, but it is 'affected' by the surgery - sort of deformed, and DEFINITELY not the same as before.  It didn't bother me at first, but after a few months, it hit me more and more and I had to grieve the loss.  For you, you are going through the grieving process sooner. But...sooner or later, we all do go through it. DO NOT beat yourself up  for your pain, thinking that others have it worse. Yes, they do, but your pain/loss is real TO YOU. Let yourself feel the feelings and grieve and you will heal over time. I mean, the loss will always be there, but the rawness of the pain fades.

Sending love & support in your direction........

Amy

shells43

GmaFoley,

I have to say that there is another way to think about it. I had a mastectomy and really I was so relieved to just have the cancer OUT that I really have not missed my breast very much. I try to think of it as having served it's purpose nursing two kids and now I'm done with it anyhow. I feel grateful that if I was going to get cancer, at least it is in a part of the body that I can really do without. IF the other one turns on me, it's gone, too, fast as you can say "Bob's your uncle". I think maybe still having part of your breast is what is throwing you. I'm trying to imagine what you have and think it might be easier to accept removal of the whole breast, mentally speaking. I feel for you and hope these rationalizations might help you. It's a stretch some days. Blessings.

GmaFoley

Hi All,  I'm doing better now that it has almost been 10 days from having my 2nd surgery.. I agree that I am greatful I don't need that part anymore... Saw the oncologist monday and am trying to get some financial aid for my oncotype test.  We are totally broke and I can't go back to work yet.. I work at a fabric and craft store.. Not allowed to lift anything heavy.. Anyway, I'm playing the waiting game with that oncotype test... Thanks for all the encouragement - I does help...

shells43

(((GmaFoley))) Glad you are doing better.