Addiction to Adderral, smoking and drinking

PJ66

I have been sober 7 years and since my diagnosis, 2 surgeries and now chemo my addictions are back in full swing. Woke up with a hangover and lots of shame. Need help. Meetings aren't working...Has any one else gone through this?

squidwitch42

Oh honey,

So sorry you are in this place again. I wonder if you have a sponsor? Most importantly, if you are in active chemo treatment, I would call your Onc/Onc Nurse or Oncol social worker. It's very important that they are aware of what you are struggling with. I will put out my "shame," that I just had to face. I had started back on the Nicorette (been addicted for a decade.) I had made it 8 months from my mastectomy, and just was unable to get my crap together and quit before my tissue expander exchange surgery. I really jeopardized a lot, and at one point, surgery looked like it would be canceled. We didn't do all of the surgery either because of this. So, what is that? addiction, stress, anxiety and poor coping mechanisms.

I was very ashamed, and sick to my stomach when I had to call my PS and tell them I was at the nicorette again. I am now about 80 hours without the Nicotine.

so this is very stressful stuff, and it is incredibly important to get help from professionals. I also highly recommend Psychiatrist as well, to help deal with the underlying anxiety.

Most important, are you safe? Do you feel like you want to hurt yourself, or are you at risk for overdosing? If so, just go to the hospital/ER for help with remaining safe, and detox which must be supervised.

You are in my thoughts. I quit drinking ten years ago, but understand self destructive behaviors. Please go with what you know you need to do. You can turn this back around, and ask for help.

Will you please stay in touch? I hope others will chime in so you know you are NOT alone, and there are many triggers when facing cancer and treatment. I'm glad you reached out, and this is your first step to sobriety.

Cyborg

PJ66:

Hey there. I have never had so many thoughts of using as I have had now. Maybe going to an all women's meeting may be helpful? Or just changing meetings may give you a different perspective. Remember what got you clean and sober to begin with? Do you have your old step work hanging around? Especially, step 4 and then five where u Identified your character defects? Could be that those old character defects could be still be active. Please talk to your doctors. I hope you stick around here. There are so many nice ladies. Hang in there and ask for help from those who can. Don't quit before the miracle. Love and hugs to you.

hopeful34

PJ- I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this.  I don't drink often, but I know how hard it can be to quit smoking with all of this stress.  I feel so stupid for continuing to smoke after a year of surgeries, infections, chemo, etc.  It is hard for people to comprehend how we could possibly smoke/drink when we have cancer.  I try to explain to my mom/dad that this is the most stressed I have been in my whole life, and while it may not be good for me, it is all that keeps me going somedays.  I agree with the others.  If you need help now, you can go to the ER.  My brother is a severe addict and I have had to take him to the ER when has relapsed.  It's nothing to be ashamed of.  You are human, and now if anytime it is hard to stay focused on recovery.  If you need anything, please feel free to PM me.  Take Care.  

Melmes

I'm not going to lie to you, Sweetie - I have been quit as far as my smoking goes for two years, and never even had a craving. The second I heard my diagnosis, all I wanted to do was run out and buy a pack. I refrained, but only through utter and total self-control and the fear of adding lung cancer to the blend. I have no doubt that if the wind were blowing and it were a gray day I would have done it; fortunately the sunshine and warmth helped me feel a little more hopeful.

There's no shame in having a disease, or an addiction. Hang in there and please do get help with professionals to handle this.

sadd

I had quit drinking for about 12 years, but about a couple of years  before being diagnosed with breast cancer, I fell off the wagon.  Also had quit smoking for 5 years but a year before dx, began smoking.  It is very very difficult to quit these addictions right now.  I live with a critical mother and am more stressed than I have been in years.  I had been living alone before moving in with mom three years ago for many years.  I feel like I'm in an environment of crazyness with mom and i can't find my way out of a dark tunnel.  At least I have survived for one year after being diagnosed - i worry a lot that the cancer will come back.  I just keep asking God to please get me out of this.  I need help and feel like a real loser.

jerlin09

i think you stick around here.

 Drug Rehab

Vlady4848

I feel the same as you!! You are not alone. I just got a dui, last week on my b-day. I have been drinking and smoking. I had lumpectomy oct, 2010, started chemo right before thanksgiving last year. I finished chemo the middle of feb, and 2 months of radiation 4 weeks ago. Its embarrassing to me to write this. I wish i would have looked at these topics before. Maybe talking to each other can encourage us in the stress we face. Please send me a message if you want to talk, and encourage each other    Sincerely, Vicki

lauralu

Hi all I do not want to admit to this either I have had breast reconstruction. Trying desparately to quit smoking. Do not drink but the smoking is a real problem fo me right now

PugMum

I just knew there would be a thread out there that kind of addressed my issue(s). Not a smoker but have a 35-year-love affair with substance abuse. When I was in my teens and 20's it was the socially acceptable drugs. When I decided I had had enough I just stopped. It wasn't even difficult, I just wasn't interested. Alchol, on the other hand became my legal drug of choice. I've always been a social drinker who managed fairly well. Didn't touch the stuff during chemo as the thought of drinking made  me more nauseous than I already was. But since my tx was over 2 years ago my drinking is out-of-control. I do o.k. if it's just beer or even hard liquor, but wine turns me into the nastiest, most obnoxious bitch out there.I know it its not healthy for me in any way at all but find my anxiety overwhelming even with taking an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety. Went to a therapist which helped somewhat. So, I really have 2 questions. Has anyone noticed a difference in their tolerance level to specific kinds of alcohol since chemo? And, how do you find a women's only AA group? Thanks for listening.

CrazyKitties

I think you need to look at what anti-depressant you are on because some of them will make you into the person you have described. If you ae anxious, then you need an anti anxiety drug before you start yourself into meetings----sometimes folks self medicate, and they are not addicts.

feliciamichelle1125

I totally understand. I'm going thru the same thing. I hate that I started smoking again because I'm a breast cancer survivor. Then you add vodka...I wake up feeling so ashamed. I have managed to take days off, usually Sundays. I pray alot but still I reach for that bottle and a cigarette to soothe me. I think I miss having a man in my life (husband left to cheat with women who had both breasts) and besides liquor, I think about sex way more than I wish to. I think I'm just lonely, deformed and need to deal with my new "normal". And, no, meetings didn't help me either. Have you tried cancer support group meetings? I think I may.

seacat

PugMum, if you Google    'AA women's meetings',     you will find where and when.  In my first all women group I found the empathy and understanding overwhelming, I bawled my eyes out the whole way through!  That is to say, I recommend them, do give them a try.

I'm addicted to alcohol.  Been drink free for nearly a year now but cross addicted to sugar, just stopped that a couple of weeks ago.  Hellish hard to, I indulged myself with chocolate etc, thinking £^&%, do I have to give up EVERYTHING!  Isn't not drinking enough????  Well unfortunately no, for me it's not enough, I have to give up sugar too.  I was binging secretly just like I did with vodka and wine.  It's harder, because I have to deal with my feelings now and have no quick fix anymore.  My emotions are still flailing all over the shop, which I don't like. 

Have been having some therapy with an addiction councillor and group therapy, weekly, that was tacked onto my 28 day residential rehab.  We will never be able to afford that again, it nearly crippled us financially, and so acts as a deterrent.  In my last days of drinking I couldn't swallow any more, it made me gag and vomit, (sorry).  When I'm tempted to 'have just one' or get off my face, I evoke that memory of nausea and it really puts me off. 

In the one to one therapy, we went through my childhood sexual abuse, emotional and spiritual abuse from my mother, low self esteem and post traumatic stress, all extreemly painful stuff.  Felt I couldn't carry on with it lots of times.  Well I'm still here, and better able to cope than I ever was.  Not to say I'm safe, there's always more stuff coming, to get through, just feel a bit better equiped.  Am still practicing and can express anger inappropriatly (often as sarcasm (like my mother, cringe, ouch)), but hey, I'm new at this.  I can say sorry and forgive myself, I might do better next time, you never know!   

seacat

Hi, just wondering how you are doing and if you'd like a chat? 

seacat

How are things going with you?  You ok?

hnl90

Wow. I am not alone. Drinking is far from my mind. I first gave that up in 1985. I am clean now & in need of Rx Just ttylenol ruins the liver &has never,ever touched my pain. Who thought a dr would limit pain meds for cancer!!! What about "first do no harn"



Now I have pain. Real 9-10 pain. The onco gave me 6 vicadain no morerefills. Does she reallly fear the DEA coming after her?!?



Does anyone have experience with a PainManagent practice??

sas-schatzi

http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/8/topic/770655?page=2#idx_34

This is "panicking about pain" it has some good suggestions.. Hope something helps sas