INSOMNIACS place to talk in the wee hours

Chevyboy

Jazzygirl

2nd time around- such a story about your SILs. They can be so hurtful, can't they? I am sorry about the way you were treated and also very sorry your brother and family were in the area and could not visit. What your dad said did not help either. The men have very poor coping skills, not an excuse but perhaps just a reality.

I have one SIL who has never been very nice to me. Widow of my brother and she is long remarried now. She got BC a few years back and seems to be doing okay. We saw each other last at my mothers funeral almost two years ago after she was done with treatment. I chose not to tell her about my bc when I was diagnosed six months later, because she has never been supportive of anything with me in the past. Several in my family, said I should because she would understand. My comment to that was "she has never been part of my support system in all these years with anything else, I don't expect that to change." My sister had bc also at the same time I did, and recently told her about it, but after the fact. Speaks to the total relationship between us and her. We don't look to her for support because it is not possible and we know that.

Cami is right and we have talked about it on another thread with a woman who struggles around her relationship with her son and DIL. It is very true the spouses of the partners decide what is important in the family and who the time will be spent with. I have been through it with both sibs through the years. 

IllinoisLady

Lilli

Alyson

love it Jackie.

I am the owl right now as it's 4.36am. Something has upset my guts and after spending considerable time in the bathroom I am sitting having a cup of tea with Gus cat lounging on my feet. 

2nd I have three SiLs one can be so hurtful towards me and always has been. Basically I had no right to marry her brother. She can be soooo nice at times but then be a real female dog and very hurtful. The other two are lovely of course I have known one since I was 5 and the other since about 8. Others in the family find one difficult to talk to but she really helped me through difficult teenage years when I was having to cope with the frustrations of having polio.  I am just so lucky.

Sorry I am blithering.

Teka

11:06am, here's hoping not the flu!

IllinoisLady

Hmmm SIL's.  Difficult in my little corner of the world, since I only have one and is all I've ever had.  Always had deep misgivings from the first, but  wasn't till my last rads treatment in 2008 that all those suspicions  came true in a pretty big way.  I keep my distance now.  I did forgive as it is just too hard on a person not too.....you end up being the person who comes apart inch by inch, so I forgave, but as this person doesn't possess nor dispense the qualities that would help me on my quest to be a better person in every way I can, I choose to limit contact.

  She does not wish me well or care about me and once she proved it any burden I might have felt to get along was lifted.  I don't wish anything bad, and would help her if it was needed, but you don't keep going back to the people who knock you down.  We are SIL's and at this late date, doubtful that will change, but if she were anyone else.......I would just as I am now, keep my distance.    She is no different from an acquaintance and I am not required as far as I'm concerned to  show someone with her hurtful actions any more deference that I would someone with whom I had a casual relationship.

Lilli  

badger

Good morning/good evening!  I'll count myself lucky to have great in-laws.  My brother's wife is a good partner to him and a good friend to me.  I like their kids.  And now one of their kids' kid LOL.  DH's family rocks.  Couldn't ask for a better MIL.  The last guy I dated, I didn't get along with his family at all.  His mom and I just did not take to one another.  That was one of the reasons I broke up with him.  Couldn't see myself in that cold family.  Good thing, cuz then I met my DH-to-be and the rest. as they say, is history.  ♥ to all

sas-schatzi

Blessings I need a favor, can you write a synopsis of each of the areas of your expertise and how it would apply to a BC Patient. How to access a person with a specific credential. Also, any other recommendation that you can make. Then add it to the JUST DIAGNOSED -GET PREPARED THREAD. It's my thread that I started in 2010 directed at newbies. Multiple times I mention seeking counseling early after diagnosis.

So, many BC and all cancer patients just ignore the psychological and emotional aspects of all this, until the chit hits the fan. Early intervention allows a relationship to be established, so, when or if it gets tough the relationship is in place. I messed up on this.

Glad to here Kaiser has kept up the good work. I haven't kept up on many aspects of reading since late 08 head injury, BC-anest/chemo brain 2009, and brain surgery in 2012. Comprehension got screwed up, pain in the patuty to have to read each paragraph 2-3-4 times. Then I'd fade out completely before a page was done. Kaiser was so unique in the whole health care industry. To bad the ACA MARKETPLACE wasn't modeled after them.

badger

hiya sassy!  ♥

sas-schatzi

Maddy, similar things happened with DH's brother and family. They'd be here at Disneyworld, not even an hour away and wouldn't call. Then Dh would find out and be so hurt. Cluck'em. Bil died of an aneurysm 6 mos before DH. He was 13 years younger then DH. DH essentially raised his brother. They were very tight before Sil arrived.

Sil remarried. I found out about it on facebook the day of the wedding. Agree with you and everyone. The friends we choose to bring into our lives become like family.

Chevy blathering is just espousing ideas not tested. Like I said I wouldn't have married DH if I'd known what life would have been like.........Unknown, it didn't happen b/c future not known---that's blather. But you can bet, I discussed with DS what characteristics to look for and that it's not just the person there's a total package.

Jackie so right

Badger so lucky on the family thing, .......I had a dream about you last night. All I remember is I looked up and you were there-----------white hair, red shirt LOL

RE: Phyllyoutoftheclink, I left a message on her answering machine re: bracelet curiosity.

OHHHHHHHHH hope Nicky's okay. hasn't been here.

Teka , LMG whomever I forgot, ALY get rid of that bug!

Maybe I should make a list

sas-schatzi

Chevy "It's that guy she's with.  He keeps her either stoned, tied to the bed or the stove." UH-huh  

Teka

I've found that well meaning relatives trying to mend fences between relatives are a bigger pain in the butt.

They kick the lid off the piss pot!

badger

sassy - white hair, red shirt, and reindeer antlers?  LOL

hey Chevy maybe the answer is d) all of the above

camillegal

All right I'm losing track here--to much to fast and it used to be to wittle to wate. From Tweety nd Sylvester.

Oh Sas I misunderstood u (shut up Chevy) I thought u meant all of us to write down how to prepare or take into account of mental health and what were our strong points- Whew, that was a scary moment thinking of any strong point, then my mind ran to Chevy, well we all know what I thought, and I immediately went into panic mode thinking what can "some of us" add to someone who is devastated by a DX. No way could we add to anything u would say, not one thing. So I took a deep breath and reread it and saw it wasn't a general favor for all of us, it was directed to one--Whew again. Chevy we dodged a bullet, oh yea we have dodged one or two before.I have to say tho I do have a strong point, even when DX--it did not effect me in any way and all my Drs. were doing was trying to get me to understand how bad things were and I ignored them, then after almost 3 yrs of chemo and operations, my Onc. did say she was shocked at how well I did, cuz she didn't think I had much of a chance,but she thought with the meds and my attitude it got me thru. And she said good thing u'r stupid--oh then she added about this disease LOL Cuz knowing what I was actually facing might have defeated me. So for me stupidity won out. Unfortunately I've carried my stupidity all this time, it just won't leave, it's found a comfy home inside so I just accept it now.

stellina

Hello, girls,

Here I am to join you! :-) Thanks to the sweet host for inviting me!

A little star from the East... o Europe. I'm from Romania, 37 y. young and I joined the army last August, when I was diagnosed. 

Insomnia is a problem for me as well, but I try to resume a normal night's slepp each time after a treatment, since fatigue is my main side effect. The others subdue after a week, but fatigue just gets worse and worse. After last chemo I slept even 16 hours a day. I know there are worse side effects than that, but aleeping much doesn't allow a normal schedule, one doesn't eat enough, doesn't exercise, doesn't have a life... And finally, one is in a vicious circle that doesn't let you get control of your life.

Ok, that's for the ranting, now I'll be relaxed. Yet sleep is far away...

So, you are the Owlettes? Ok, as long as I won't be called bufnita, as owl is called in Romanian, I guess we can make a little language class.

Ah, and since reading books was mentioned... I have opened a post about  group reading, maybe it's an idea you find interesting? I hope that the suggestions don't pu anyone off, but tastes are different, and surely with all the books out there, suggestions will be the last thing to worry about.

http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/31/topic/8...

fond greetings and stay serene!

Teka

Welcome Owlette, I remember you from the "STFU" thread before the holidays.   

I love your avatar!!!!

stellina

Hello, Teka! Nice to find you here as well, as a cat person, your avatar is way easy for me to notice and remember. 

Since you mentioned STFU, Ihave two new additions to the list:

On my last chemo, there was a male patient who after hearing I was doing chemo after surgery and that I was basicallly cancerfree and the chemo was to make sure to wipe out any lingering cancercell, tells me: "oh, it will be back. Not in the same place as the first, it just relocalises."

Hey, he knows everything, doesn't he? I wonder why I didn't ask him the numbers to play in the lottery, I could have won me some millions.

And, las but not leats, my onc on the last meeting, when the hercpetin issue was on the table... I had questions, but she tells me: "I don't have time, I have patients with serious problems. Your situation is not bad, you should worry less."

Certainly there are patients who were detected later and their tumor could thus grow more... And I was maniac to just look into it on time and fight it mercylessly and perseveringly right away. Serves me right - that's what unserious people do. Ok, so I'll just look on the bright side: my situation is not serious. I have it from an onc. So I should be happy, or? It's just that taking a medicine is not like putting on make-up or a dress. If that doesn't suit you, it's way more complicated than taking off the making or the dress...

Well, there I am, ranting encore. Sorry. 

Holeinone

Stellina,

              Welcome...we love our friends from around the globe, it is so much fun to hear about & learn new words, ( bufnita ), cultures, traditions. There are several ladies from Austraila, and Nicky, an Irish lass who now lives in the south of France..

So, sorry you were diagnosed so young. It is not fair....the idiot male at your chemo center that made that comment is a idiot..

I think some of the Drs. Have such a gift, to make us feel valued, help us regain our confidence just by being in there office for 5 minutes, other Drs., you walk out of the office, feeling like you are the biggest hypochondriac. I think of the quick conversations I have tried to have, getting a blank stare like she has never heard of this symptom. Then, I find out it one of the most common side effect of this particular chemo, & I feel bad for mentioning it...

So, rant or whine or let us know about your world, food, travel..Thanks for the book club forum, I will check it out..

luvmygoats

GolfGirl - on the question of DH's dinner and cereal question. He gets home late so he got leftover enchiladas from the day b4. In fact he may get them again today or maybe tomorrow. He's not terribly picky or needy about food. I might make bacon and pancakes today even though for the next 10 days seems we get almost spring (wait until the shoe drops in Feb - anyone remember the Superbowl 2011?).

Blessings - I have everything to make there. There is a piece of ginger in hydrator. Might do later. Having canned clam chowder & this morning's leftover coffee. There was a pt in one of the NHs I went to (not my pt) who had chai tea ordered every day for lunch. It made me want to run down the street to Starbucks so yummy and so much better than other not so nice odors that could be there.

Chevy - I have pods of cardamom but I have to get them out of the "shell". OOO my house gonna smell yumYUM when I get that tea a going.

I too have SIL (DH's sister) who loves me like a sister. DB's wife loved my DM (hers died when she was very young) which makes me treasure her and even though our lifestyles are rather diverse - let's just say no goats in her yard if you get my drift?? - but love her dearly. Has stood by my DB through rocky times when he was younger.

2nd time - this is the place to tell all esp. things we can't broach to our families. Hugs. Gosh 25 miles is about how far I go to go to any serious shopping. What the heck, he can't drop in? Are you gonna kidnap him, make him watch old family movies, move pianos?

Jazzy - most men have poor coping skills I think. Retreat to garage or like my DH put a movie on and put his earplug thingies in. I talk and get no answer and get mad and then look around the corner and by jiggety that's why I feel like I'm being ignored.

Blather is Blither's noisier cousin. They were the reindeer that didn't make it on Santa's sled.

Welcome Stellina. Wow your condition not so serious. What does onc. call Herceptin but serious stuff? After all they don't do all those heart tests for it for nothing, right. And sorry for the other's pt's comment. Sounds like he has serious issues himself.

Well, I've almost caught up on here. Hah for reading other threads. Let's see how many posts when I preview this. O my only one from GolfGirl.

Off to give stinky dog a bath and then make me some real chai tea. If you hear cursing from Texas it's me trying to depod a cardamom - that sounds vaguely dirty.

stellina

Hello, Holeinone,

Thanks for the warm welcome!

The man at the chemo center was probably having a different perspective, sonce his cancer seemed very different. He s to go through 8 chemo sessions to shrink the lymph nodes in his neck, he told me that his doctor would not operate him and instead give him only chemo. So I guess he was basing himself on the picture his doctor painted him.

Yet, I'm aware that no-one knows what the future brings. 

For my onc, well, it's probably hardly her fault that so many people seem to fall prey to this pathology. But communication and manners are fundamental.

Ok, now for a more relax topic - food. 

Since I had chemo in the yule tide, one dish that is traditional in my country, the sarmale, were on my plate a little bit often.  They are very tasty and nourishing - sour cabbage rolls stuffed with minced meat, rice and herbs... They are eaten with sour cream. And in some regions, they add polenta and cured ham on the plate. 

Care to share recipes from your areas, given our cosmopolite community?

Ps. Hello, Luvmygoats, sorry, but I saw your comment only after I finished my reply! Thank yoi for the welcome and the kind words!

Teka

Oyster Stew Recipe

1/4 cup salted butter

1 cup minced celery

3 tablespoons minced shallots

1/2 teaspoon worcestershire sauce

1 pint small oysters

1 quart half-and-half

pinch granulated garlic

add to taste kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper

Simmer minced celery and shallots in salted butter until tender, add
worcestershire sauce and oysters, with their juice. Heat just until
oysters begin to curl. Add half-and-half, granulated garlic, kosher
salt and freshly ground black pepper.

The most important factors in preparing Oyster Stew are "not boil the half-and-half and do not overcook the oysters".

Hard to find small oysters, even when labeled small oysters in container.

stellina

Hello, Teka,

Thanks for the recipe, I love oysters! 

What is half-and-half?

Also, is granulated garlic better than normal garlic for this recipe? 

Teka

half-and-half is a mixture of half heavy cream and half whole milk

simmer whole garlic with minced celery and shallots in salted butter

Easy on the garlic!!!!

Chevyboy

ANY kind of garlic is good!  We LOVES garlic.... can't you tell?  Ha!  I just made those Baked cabbage rounds!  It is sooooo good!  And I just have one, save the others, and heat for another meal!   Before baking, rub both sides with olive oil... I have also browned bacon bits, and sprinkle those on top when baked.

YOU GUYS!  I can't make it smaller! WTH?????? Oh well, guess you get the picture....  I sprinkle large kosher salt on mine, spray butter, Carraway seeds, and grated "somekindofcheese"  and lots of garlic...  from a jar...  minced.   Bake at 350 degrees for a little more than an hour...  I like mine crispy around the edges.

Me and Littlegoats were busy bathing our dog faces....Now she is napping....  and looking as clean as Cammi!   And I'm just drinking a chocolate coke.... 

Stellina!  1/2 and 1/2 is 1/2 milk and 1/2 cream....I think!    It is VERY tasty, but you can also find it in the fat-free version.... 

Welcome to our thread!  You will have fun here....And you can talk about anything.....  We do, don't know if we're supposed to, but that thought hasn't stopped us yet!   And you gotta quit going to that Onco place!  Where do you meet these dinks!  What a jerk that guy was....Guess what most of us would tell HIM!  Yep!  You guessed it.... also the horse he rode in on!    You want us to go out there and look this guy up!  We'll slap him up side of that head of his....  straighten him out some! 

Chevyboy

stellina

@ Teka: I love garlic! One of my favorite things is toasted bread, rub garlic on both sides, than drip olive oil on top and then just add whatever you like as vegetables or herbs. A thin slice of cured ham or cheese is just perfect, but it's ok without as well!  It's how folks in the country do it around here and it's just irresistably tasty. Especially of the bread is home-made. Yummy!

@ Chevy: the onco center is actually quite ok, even though since chemo I have a sensitivity for smells and that smell of medicine there is just not easy for me to put up with. 

For my onc, luckily I don't meet her that often, she works with another onc and that one is a monument of patience and knowledge. Because if it weren't for her and the nice nurses, I would have looked into being treated by someone else.

For that guy, I don't know much about his situation, but simce he gets more chemo than me, and the doc didn't operate, maybe his situation is actually more serious and maybe he thinks that everyone is in the same degree? Maybe he didn't even realise what he was saying... Or maybe who knows what his onc told him... 

You know what I noticed? Female patients seem to have a different range of subjects and way to relate to other patients. Even if it sounds discriminating... But if I had to make a comparison, I would say males seem to keep sticking to the health situation, while women end up talking about many many things, like friends. Maybe it's just an impression.

luvmygoats

I'm thinking maybe something stronger than chai tea or chocolate coke, like maybe a margarita or one of those canned Canberry Rita thingies

Yes, dog is now very clean. She is a yeasty mess. If not allergies, then it's yeast. Have new stack of towels to bleach. Prescription dog shampoo 2x/week. DH gets next bath on Wed.

I made cheating enchiladas. 7 x 11 dish sprayed with Pam (greased for you Stellina). Spread 1 corn tortilla with 2 TBS canned chili, 2 TBS grated Mexican cheese (out of 2 c pkg), and chopped onion. Roll up and put in pan. Do 7 more like this - Hah mine always unroll partially. Doesn't matter. Mix remainder of chili with 2 TBS water (I used white wine) and a about 1/4-1/3 cup salsa. Spread over top of rolled tort. and sprinkle with remaining cheese/extra chopped onion. Seal tight with greased foil and bake 375 degrees 25 min. Uncover and bake 10-15 min. more. Top with sour cream (I never do). Better than any enchilada sauce I can find. Supposed to have small can diced green chilies in it but I'm a hot wimp so don't use them.

Chevy - cabbage looks great. I think I saved some sausage soup recipe with cabbage. I can't resize pics anymore either. I wouldn't know what to do without garlic in a jar and the dried stuff too.

I grew up in El Paso and Albuquerque (with a year and a half in Hawaii) so I am spoiled with enchiladas. My DM even made them when we lived in Hawaii (1961). Wish I had my DM's recipe but don't think it had any meat in it. We used to eat enchiladas and watch Bonanza.

Wren44

Hi Stellina. My husband's cousin's wife is from Romania. She's a real sweetheart. I'm in awe of how many languages she can speak. The cabbage rolls sound delicious. We don't eat meat, so I would leave that out, but the rice and spices would make it really good. The only kind of food I don't like is Korean. It's all meat and hot with peppers - both not my favorites. My family is divided into 2 branches. One branch doesn't eat hot peppers and the other can eat them right out of the jar. DS and I are the wimpy branch and DH and DD are the iron mouth bunch.

Listening to your tale of the onc, I guess I'm happy I'm seeing a physician's assistant. At least she has time for questions.

Teka, DH makes oyster stew for Christmas Eve. It sounds like the same recipe you have. Yum.

stellina

@ Luvmygoats: sweet of you to have portion prepared for me! :-) 

@ Wren: ah, there, you have a cousin coming from Romania! Do you know what part she is from?

For the cabbage rolls - no problem, during fasting time  there are people who love this dish so much that a recipe without meat exists. You just use rice and herbs and eventually mushrooms. Well, with peppers, I have my issues myself, but not for being hot, but for their smel, I really don't like it. 

Hm, the oncs must unfortunaltely cope with the fact that cancer seems to stretch its ugly finger over too meny people. They are human as well, but still, there are manners and communication to be minded.

sas-schatzi

Oh Stellina , you're here already GREAT! Come back often. I'm glad you felt comfortable saying your from Romania. I got yakking on the phone and didn't post as I said I would. But everything is as I said it would be

Off to dinner, neighbor's treat b/c of DBF's help. DBF detailed the car---took him two days hadn't been done like this in 5 years. Then he painted my trellis swing. He started on the next phase of the patio. Me I was here and then talked and talked on the phone. Did redeem myself a little by ironing some of his shirts.

Chevy that card on insomnia, OMG that was me for so long...........Then I found melatonin. Thank God Chrissy told me about it.

Littlegoats----so nice you have such wonderful family, nice, very nice.

Hole-in-one you would be so happy here. The weather was perfect for golf today.