Most women will get breast cancer, It's not a big deal anymore

duckyb1

I have 6 children, and after i was diagnosed my children told people they worked with (mostly because they were taking off for my visits, biopsy, surgery, and Ro, and MO visits, so in a way it was necesaary.........also they told many of their friends because their friends always say just out of courtesy "how's your Mom doing".............my grandhildren told their teachers, and so many people knew, but guess what

Many, many, of those people prayed for me, lit candles for me, put me on their prayerlines, and till today while I'm doing Rads are still asking about me.............I received handmade cards from all the little ones in my younger grandchildren's classes..

The love, prayers, and thoghtfulness I got from all those people warmed my heart.........My children said "Mom I hope you don't mind me saying something"................but they said they tought "the more prayers the better", and I told them I did not mind...............I was prayed for by people I didn't even know.......................

My mother-in-law kept her cancer a huge secret and I mean she told no one, even would not have her treatments done at the closest hospital because her senior friends did volunteer work at that hospital..............her best friend was diagnosed with cancer, and was petrified.......I asked her "are you going to talk to her"........considering my mother-in-law had a huge tumor and an MX, She was probably 20 years survivor, and her answer....................."oh no, I don't want her to know, then she will tell everyone, and she will say "you know who Lizzie is, she is the one with cancer"'......................I was shocked, and told her I thought she was wrong, and certainly "not a friend"...........Imagine going all the way into another part of the city to get treatment, just to avoid anyone knowing you had cancer...................But that was when people thought you could get cancer from sitting on the same toilet, or just having a cancer patient breath on you............................Damn fools is what I say.

imbell

Send her this e-mail. Nobody escapes. Hope her karma is good. My dad lived to be 76 and my mom 92. I got bc at 62 and my brother has terminal lung cancer. We will fight on for every day we can get. Quack people like her.

Key facts

• Cancer is a leading cause of death worldwide and accounted for 7.6 million deaths (around 13% of all deaths) in 2008. ¹
• Tobacco use is a major risk factor for cancer. Harmful alcohol use, poor diet and physical inactivity are other main risk factors.
• Certain infections cause up to 20% of cancer deaths in low- and middle-income countries and 9% of cancer deaths in high-income countries.
• More than 30% of cancer deaths can be prevented.
• Cancer arises from a change in one single cell. The change may be started by external agents and inherited genetic factors.
• Deaths from cancer worldwide are projected to continue to rise to over 11 million in 2030.

Anjanita

Tina, that's an interesting piece of sculpture in your avatar.  What's it about?

thegood5

I totally agree with ducky...We only told my closest family members, and then after we had all the tests and knew exactly what the plan was, we sat our 3 young daughters down and told them.  That said, I emailed all of my family and friends, even my children's teachers and explained the situation.  I was very positive and upbeat, let them know that it would be hard, but we were ready for it, and that if they saw me, there was to be no sadness, give me a hug and lets move on.  It felt really good to just let everyone  know, so there were no awkward moments running into someone in public while I was bald from chemo.  I also have a Caringbridge page and keep everyone up to date on there.  Like ducky said, I had people praying for me that I didn't even know, and friends giving me names of people I could get in touch with who went thru cancer.  Also, I was bombarded at first with txts and emails and phone calls constantly from people wanting to know how I was, which was all very nice in the beginning, but got very tiring, having to constantly repeat the same news, got depressing.  I felt like cancer was all I was about anymore, that's why I did the caringbridge page.  I even explained it on there at first that I appreciate everyone's thoughtfulness, but cancer is not going to consume my life, so let's just go about living and not dwell on it.   I absolutly love when I can go places and see people and not have to explain anything except to just say that for the most part, all is going really well.  That was my way of dealing with it, everyone is different.  An older friend of mine told me that when his mother had BC, she was so ashamed and embarrassed.  That is just so sad she had to feel that way!  He told me how impressed he was that I "went public" like I did, but for me, it was just the right thing to do. 

TinaT

Anjanita:  I'm an avid photographer.  That is just a little garden gargoyle that I thought was funny.  It represents me sticking my tongue out at breast cancer!

Anjanita

It looks Mayan. 

And I'm all for  at cancer.  Funny!

AMP47

How a woman decides to quell the fears of breast cancer is her choice.  Choosing not to be defined by a breast cancer diagnosis by quietly living her life is again her choice.  Some women find it comforting to have alot of energy around their diagnosis by being very open and candid about their disease.  Some women prefer to keep their diagnosis quiet which does not doom them to bad karma-if there is such a thing.  Live and let live as one chooses.

Merilee

Remember the Gong show? Looking for my  mallet now to Gong your ignorant co-worker of the stage of your life.

Thatgirl

Thank you all for your kind words and support.

yellowdoglady

The fact of the matter is that some are ignorant and some are hoping to be encouraging with comments that basically dismiss what is a serious illness for all of us and life threatening as well.  It is true that some of us will develop cancer in our lifetimes.  Many more than in the distant past, but some of that is better diagnosis.  We don't list consumption on death certificates anymore.  Some of that is that people live longer and have a better chance to catch the bullet.

Survival certainly is better than in the past.  Our treatments are better.  But "most women" do not get breast cancer, and it is a big deal.

We all decide how to handle notifications.  Working, it is hard to disguise that your hair is gone.  Friends and family may like to know what is going on.  But even if they do, they may say or do the wrong thing.  I ran into a former coworker I had seen a couple of years ago while in treatment and wearing a headscarf, and she shouted, "You cut your hair!  Why did you do that?"  Then she realized, and covered her mouth.  We need to remember that while this is really important to us, others don't always pay much attention as it isn't about them.

    

   

       

duckyb1

It is one thing to quietly deal with your cancer...................it is another to have a friend who is going through what you went through several years before, and flat out don't give her some encouragement, by letting her know that cancer isn't always a death sentence...

I'm not saying "shout it from the roof tops, and wear it like a "merit badege", but for God sake.............help another cancer patient when you can.................She was wrong................flat out wrong.......................I know all the prayers helped me, and thanks God there were so many.............

sutherndiva

Gosh I love your reply:):)

duckyb1

sutherndiva........................that can be the only way of looking at it..................we're not proud that we have cancer................I would be more then happy to change it for a bad case of the flu..............but that is not how it works....................your dealth this hand, and you deal with it the best you can..........some do great, some not so great, and yet others, not at all, but the last thing we need is the so called "experts", who have no friggin idea what BC is, unless you have not walked in our shoes............how about just trying them on for a day.......................I don't want anyones "pity", but at least if your gonna say something to me please eliminate..........................."your lucky you got it behind you"...........or.............your lucky you got the good cancer"..................or............."at least its only BC"...................my answer is.........Lucky I got it behind me as opposed to what "a heart attack, diabetes".....idiot.................Ok answer to "I'm lucky I got the "good cancer".............stupid bitch, is any cancer a "good cancer"...........then of course the answer to "at least its only BC".......................well how about if we switch your "head cold" for my BC, then you will see how "only least" it really is.

I had a woman the other day (cashier) ask me if I wanted to donate to "cancer"........I said "no thanks" she persisted and got loud................after getting my change, and picking up my bag, I said to her ....................by the way I already donated to "cancer"...............I gave 2lbs of flesh, and 8 lymph nodes"..........next time when someone tells you 'NO", listen..........................the people in the line behind me actually clapped......................that made my day............you hang ion there girlfriend..............together we will weed out the idiots.......................hugs

Meggy

That is a rediculous response.  Well if its no big deal I guess she'll be just fine if she gets it...oh according to her when she gets it.  What a jerk.  I just sent her really bad vibes.  I'm feeling sad today and I think I'll blame her.

Kaara

The only people who know right now that I'm facing a possible challenge with bc are my boyfriend of 13 years, and my oldest son.  Both are capable of dealing with it and I rely on them for moral and spritual support.  If and when it comes down to a diagnosis of cancer, then I will call the rest of the family together and explain the situation and what it entails.  I will then tell my close friends, some of whom are facing their own personal struggles with cancer.  We were all together for a special event recently, but I didn't tell anyone because I have nothing significant to tell them, other than I am in the process of going through a series of tests to come up with a diagnosis.  No reason to spoil a party and make me the focus of speculation at this time, is the way I saw it.

For someone to say "cancer is no big deal" shows a lack of empathy for the person who is facing a serious challenge in their lives.  It tells you a lot about the person who made the statement! 

laura347

I hate these kind of idiots..so small minded..UGH!

laura347

I hate these kind of idiots..so small minded..UGH!

juliehowell

OMG!  Yes!  My husband was on vacation with my son and DIDN'T EVEN COME HOME WHEN I TOLD HIM!  Also, many others said very insensitive things that made me think that this MUST NOT be a big deal.  I am 3 years out and I still find myself wondering: Is it a big deal?  I asked my counselor and she loudly said YES!

I still keep wondering though.....   BUT YOU SHOULDN'T!

Kaara

juliehowell:  Yes, it is a very big deal!  I think husbands and significant others just can't deal with it and so they pretend it's nothing.  My boyfriend keeps saying "it's not going to amount to anything", thinking this is taking my fear away, and in actuality it is just pissing me off.

This is why we come here...to get and give support from others who share our challenges.  You can say what you want here and others will understand and support you. 

juliehowell

Kaara:  You are so right.  about all of it.  Wow it is a relief to talk to people who actualy understand me!

Thanks!l

Onecent46

OMG!  I feel so lucky.  No one that I work with every said anything to me like that.  They were all supportive and kind....even telling me I looked good when I felt like crap.  I'm so sorry that there are people out there that have no sensitivity to what others are going through. 

msphil

Sweetie, It Is A Big Deal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!It changed my life and so many, many more, it is insensitive for some one to say that to you, I still miss my L breast that has been missing for 18 yrs and most of all diagnosed while my husband and I were making wedding plans, imagine losing a breast any time BUT especially then, I could have had a lumpectomy But opted for the total radical mastectomy for longer term survival. so don,t let ANYONE trivialize this devastating time in OUR LIVES.  God Bless Us ALL.  msphil(idc, stage 2, 0/3 nodes invovlved, L mast, chemo rads and 5 yrs on Tamoxifen)

Layla2525

Dear She, I agree with you,people have been giving me stuff with pink ribbons on it and if I see one more you can gag me with a big spoon cause bcanr totally is crappy, Nobody wants to be sick even if its just a cold and this is not just a cold for a few days. This is major and besides even if it was just a flat tire..like grandma's record collection says...its my party and I'll cry if I want to!!Leslie Gore,dont know what yr. I have not been sleeping good and am tired and nauseous since my dx and been crying occassionally..guess I am depressed cuz me & my breasts are getting divorced from my body. I loved the cute little things even if nobody could tell I had them. Now for the second half of my life,I am gonna be sexy mama and rock the beach this summer with my larger than life implants. I intend to enjoy my life if I have to fake the happiness until I feel it. Make my virgin martini blue.....blueberry?

jankc

If there's a list of dumb things that should not be said to someone with BC, this gem should be at the top of the list...

duckyb1

That is why it is good to come here......................................at least there are no "idiots" here who think, because you had surgery, treatments, and meds.................your ok, and all your troubles are over and done with..........................................Those kind of people need a "wake up call"....................maybe they should read the "stats" on how many women "are not ok", and are battleing everyday just to keep their head above water.

Even more insulting are the ones who say "you look wonderful", when you know damn well right you look like shit.............................come on.............think of something else to say.............like "how are you feeling", "how is everything going for you"...........................but to tell me I look wonderful, when I feel like "shit"..............................don't bother.........................I have mirrors in my house, and I can see into them clearly..............................one day I will "look wonderful", but wait till then, and then at least be honest with me.........................lies do me no favors.............................ok, I'm done..................

sweetbean

 Please key her car.  Immediately.  She sucks as a human being.

mkkjd60

My mom has stage iv bc. Tell her that!

lynliz

It's a huge deal, and people who say that are ignorant or in denial. I'm new at this too, so I'm not an expert, but what I've learned so far is that I can't believe everyone's response. I avoid those who make me feel sad or uncomfortable; and if they keep pursuing me, I have told them that I just can't be negative right now so I can't be "around that." (Meaning them, but I can't be that blunt!) It feels good to stick up for myself.

"It's not a big deal anymore" HA. Let them wear your shoes and then hear their song!

nwest125

well if your co-worker gets BC I bet she will wish she had never said that. To have to go thru all the stuff we must go thru is no fun.

Nancy

Reality

Most of the people in my small, Adirondack town have been very supportive. The people who really surprised me in a good way were the people who I really did not know well - they know me as a community member and because of that, they stepped up to the plate and gave me support. I was an Alternative Ed. teacher for 14 years in my community. Many of my previous students were written-off a long time ago by some community members as being trouble and having no future - Many of those previous students are the people who stop on their way and give me a big hug when they see me in town. They do not look away and avoid me as some of the more "upstanding" community members do. As for the people who really disappointed me - I tell myself that it is their way of avoiding the pain of having someone close to them be ill - I tell myself this so I won't be as hurt as I am that they are suddenly ignoring me.....