My first birthday since mom's death

wonderfullymade

My dearest loving breast cancer warriors,

As many of you know, I am a daughter and grandaughter of two amazing ladies that battled breast cancer, and like many heros, were left on the battle field this year. Here I had thought I had it all under control. My mom's birthday would have been March 22nd and to my suprise I had a great day celebrating her memory doing a fundraiser for another woman battling cancer. But today, is my birthday, the first birthday without her calling me at the crack of dawn to tell me how my birth forever made her life abundantly rewarded! I have felt a dark cloud over me today and the void is just gaping today!!! I guess my own breast cancer scare over the last month kept me distracted enough to not miss her as much. I got b9 results but was told that my risk factors are over 40%, I will be followed closely now at a high risk breast center every 6 mos MRI and the onco is highly suggesting tomax as well. I do have two areas of very active tissue that is seen on mri but not us that presents as thickened tissue so that will be closely monitored and possibly surgically biopsied when I go to have this b9 tumor removed. I just needed to reach out to others that know what this is like. Hospice was so comforting for me and remains to this day!

Laurie08

I lost my mother to BC 6 years ago.  My birthday is one of the hardest days.  Our birthdays were a week apart and we used to take off with each other for a week and get away "just us girls".  Now  I have had two boys and it seems there is something I would like to ask her every day.  There is no end to the missing her part.  She was my best friend.  It's not as painful as it used to be but it's never been easy.  I think I am just used to not having her around now, but it still pisses me off that she is gone.  We had so many plans and ideas that never came to fruition.  I hope you had a good birthday despite losing your mom, I am so sorry for your loss.  It is one you will feel forever. 

dlb823

It's wonderful that you had such a close relationship with your Mother.  And I truly believe that she's with you, watching over you.  Your description of her special birthday calls really resonates with me.  It's probably a little harder to do with sons (who at least act like they don't want to hear mushy stuff), but you've inspired me to try! 

I hope & pray that you will find peace as you move forward.  Perhaps at some point there will be a new birthday tradition to help fill the hole you're feeling today.  (((Hugs))) & God bless ~   Deanna 

wonderfullymade

laurie08,

We sound very similar as far as our stories go. I am 37 today and have two boys as well. I see you had a masectomy due to risk and dcis. I am considering the same. I wanted just to say thank you for your words of honesty and encouragement. I knew her birthday would be difficult so I arranged to do a fundraiser for a friend of hers that has stage IV IDC mets and three young kiddos at home. That day was very rewarding. I just didn't plan for today! Perhaps my husband has gained insight and will make this day special in the future. I think the loss this June was just so very much all at one time. My dad died of pancreatic cancer June 7 then mom passed June 15th. My gram passed of bc ten weeks after my mom. Perhaps the void is just really being felt right now. I thank you all for offering your words of compassion and comfort.

sandiessoldier4

I guess everything happens for a reason. I was just about to shut the computer down and go to bed and for some reason decided to jump to this forum. My mom died the day after Christmas and on Wednesday, April 13th I will "celebrate" my 40th birthday. This too will be the first time I will not be woken up by her phone call. I am dreading it! I cannot wrap my brain around the fact that she is gone

I am so sorry for your losses but I thank you so much for posting. I understand exactly how you feel! 

wonderfullymade

sandiesoldiers,

You will certainly be in my thoughts this week as you celebrate your birthday. I wont lie, I found celebrating without her very hard,but am going to have a tradition on my birthday for now on. She and I would have done lunch, shopping, mani and pedi for my birthday. Next year I will be doing these things with some lovely ladies...a gift in her memory and honor of my birthday...I will be hosting a pamperday for those battling the beast!! I also bought myself a bouquet of my momma's favorite flowers. I am finding that celebrating their wonderful life and honoring them by service to others in need really does help the void to be so huge. Hugs to you as you heal. Please check in and let me know how you are doing. I know right where you are and perhaps leaning on a stranger on line maight be useful:)

sandiessoldier4

Thank you so much for your response! It was the middle of the night when I wrote to you and did not read your entire post. I cannot believe the amount of loss you are dealing with! Your mom and dad within a week of each other and grandmother not too long after! I don't know what to say except I am so sorry and would like to offer you my support as well! The strength it must take to keep going! I imagine you might agree that it is our husband and children that motivate us! Thank the Lord you have them as you have lost so much! Do you have siblings?

Please don't hesitate to contact me if you want to talk! PM me as there is no alert to a post on a discussion board! You truly are "wonderfully made"!