MAMA NEVER SAID THERE'D BE DAYS LIKE THESE.

Anonymous

It's been awhile sistas since I've been here over the last month or so.  But this is definitely where I want to be when I feel like this.  Conflicted, confused, guilty, ugly, in pain, tired, all the time, lazy, didn't do my excersises all week.  Cheated and had red meat and a glass of wine, felt guilty afterward.  And I am really depressed especially seeing the Breastcancer Avon walk commercial asking for registration.  Oh stay away pink ribbons.  Mabye it's just been a really long winter and if i start planting my pansies and tulips I'll feel better.  I'm Isolating big time.  I really dread an up coming family engagement party for some cousin in law's daughter.  All nice people as family goes, but big on the stupid statements about my BC issues.... First :HOW DO YOU FEEL???  Oh, don't we just love that constant greeting.?? Half the time I don't want to answer them becuase i feel like shit, but "oh you look so good"  I don't feel that way.  I feel like I'm drying up like a prune.  I hate my face.  It's changed so much since chemo and hormonals.  Has anyone taken a 2 week break off their hormonal? I wanted to have a few good days without it.  Didn't tell my onc.   I hate feeling like a 90 year old woman, when I look like a young 50 yr./   All this feeling makes me feel to be no longer as relevent as I used to be and feel about myself.  That's the thing this disease has done to me. I'm not relevant.   Barb