April 2011 chemo

scc218

Geo -- so sorry about what you're going through.  As if the BC wasn't enough!  To have to deal with awful SEs and depression, etc on top of it all..  Just want you to know I'm thinking of you, and I hope you can find some relief.

profbee

Truly, Geo, I'm sorry.  I hope you can find the time to get some help and focus on yourself for a while---so many things in life to pull us away from addressing our own needs.  Take care, love.

BernieEllen

Hi to everyone.  Still feeling run down from the last chemo but my hair and eye lashes are growing.  Hi Profbee, been using the epsom salts on my toe nails.  Not sure what's happening but they are going white.

All of you - keep safe

Bernie 

profbee

Mine have stayed white from where they started to lift, but they're still there.  I found the white better than the brown, yellow, and oozy.  Maybe it means the oozy part is stopping and the white is just b/c it has lifted from the skin under...but there's no more colored stuff under it?  ugh...I hope it's helping!

sarahlou1967

Hey ladies,

Just wanted to check in before my mx surgery in about 6 hours time, feeling nervous, and a bit scared but I know that all you ladies have been through it and have come out the other side which gives me strength, never had surgery before, suppose there has always got too be a first time, anyway I am going to sign off for a few days, will keep you all posted.

Love and light to all.

Sarah Sweety xxxxx 

YaYa5

sarah, good luck!  i'll be thinking about you and watching for you to check back in with us.  stay calm and take care of yourself.  

profbee

Hey, Sarah!  I had never had surgery before either and I was nervous.  I was okay.  You'll be okay too.  Just before my surgery, the surgeons came in and said hello and just seemed so calm and confident.  It made me realize that although this is huge in my life, they do this every day and they're pros.  It really helped me relax.  

I've been okay since too--3 weeks out this Tuesday and I'm out, driving, cooking, cleaning, getting dressed...all the normal stuff.  (And I have been for a while.)  

I'm sending you calming positive vibes.  I really did think of all the people in my real life and my virtual life here--all the people wishing me well.  It helped me.  So, think of us all surrounding you with light and love and positivity.  

Best of luck, Sarah.  I am looking forward to seeing your post in a few days saying how well you're doing.  

pawprintgirl24

sarah we are with you! sending hugs your way!!

ginger_mea

Blessings Sarah!

artiecat

Two weeks out from surgery for me, doing great - Sarah you will too!  All good thoughts going your way!

Sudzinvermont

I'm thinking of you this morning Sarah.

Artiecat..glad your VT daughter didn't have flood damage. I'm south, near Stratton Mountain/Jamaica/Londonderry. We stayed dry but were an island for a few days. Our neighbors and friends didn't do so well, but we will get through....it's what we do here.

Sending everyone good thoughts today. Another Monday....another week....it's a very good thing isn't it?

Anonymous

Sarah: So glad they're getting those tumors out of you! You are in my prayers.

I am day 5 out from my first dose of Taxotere and feel like I've been hit by a bus. A dark, gloomy bus filled with angst, pain, and discouragement. I hurt so bad last night all I could do was grimace and rock back and forth and cry. Deep, bone aches, like Linda describes, like restless leg, but as if my bones were groaning from the inside out. Today, I am like the rusted woman, brittle, heavy, useless, restless, directionless, rootless, and ungrounded. I can't relax, I can't work, I can't focus, I can't finish a sentence coherently. This is hell. Sheer purgatory.

It's a beautiful day out and I am just sitting here with "that look" on my face. You know the look - stupid, half-dead, beat up chemo look, half angry, half dead, and ALL defeated. You can feel your consciousness peering (glaring?) out at the world through that face, through the heavy ugliness of it, and you know if you looked in a mirror you would gasp at what looked back at you.

There is totally no need to cheer me up. I don't even WANT to be cheered up. I know a lot of you are in the same boat, and I am so sorry for ALL of us. I think chemo CAUSES bipolar, or something equally mentally unbalancing.

Seriously, though, why am I surprised at this? I opened up an artery this week and destroyed the mitotic division processes within my deepest cellular structure. Hello! Duh! How many brain cells did I kill this week???!!!!!!!

artiecat

Windlass - tax can be pretty ugly - feel the feelings but hang tight!!!!!!  You are a warrior! 

PS - this is  NOT cheering up - it is being with!

profbee

Hey, women!!

I had "BEST response you could have hoped for" according to the oncologist. Nodes clear. Tumor shrank to just DCIS and they removed it with clean margins. I will NOT need radiation, but I will start the next round of chemo (AC...ugh) next week. This round "will be the toughest part of [my] treatment" according to doc, but I've learned that I'm badass, so no worries!!!    Tired today and unfortunately I have a 7:30 appt with the surgeon tomorrow (so we have to leave here at 5:30 am), but I just may have to pop a bottle of bubbly and have a toast!

artiecat

Yay Profbee!

ginger_mea

Great news profbee

Windlass

scc218

That's great news, Profbee!  Yay for the negative nodes, clean margins, no rads!

Sudzinvermont

Yea Profbee....that is fantastic news.

Windlass....the Tax nearly did me in. I went to a dark place after number 5 and didn't come out until 2 weeks past number 6. It was awful, I was so unprepaired for the pain. I didn't post here because everyone was doing so well at the time that when I tried it just sounded like a downer.

 Reading your post made me wish I'd found the words and posted anyway.  It would have helped me at that point to share it, I just couldn't find the right words.

I especially appreciate the "rusted woman" reference. Finally the right words for how I felt. Thanks for giving my feeling the perfect description.

It's all good now and I hope to never go there again.

scc218

Sitting in the chemo chair for Taxotere #10.  Only 2 more to go after today!  I so can't wait to be done with this.  I was so down in the dumps on Monday that I went for some retail therapy -- bought a couple of new outfits -- felt much better!  Usually when I do that, I feel better initially and then get home and try them on again and return them.  BUT, I think I'm going to keep them this time, especially since my husband liked them (or so he said!).  I have one of them on in my new profile picture -- only problem is that you can hardly see it because the picture is so small.  I haven't bought a skirt in YEARS, so that was kinda fun.

I hope you're feeling better, Windlass.  This whole thing really sucks.  Hang in there.

Sudzinvermont

I've got my trifocals on Suzy and I can't see much, but I can see that the colors are beautiful!  Nothing like a little retail therapy to brighten your day.

scc218

Thanks, Sudz.  Yeah, the bright colors really cheered me up.  If I could figure out how to put a picture inside the post, I would do that, and maybe it wouldn't be so miniscule.  But it wants a URL for the photo location.  Won't let me insert it from my computer. 

artiecat

Feeling really low - surgeon wants to do more surgery because of path report.  I see all the docs next week - med onc, rad onc and surgeon.  Hoep they can get their act together about the best tx.  I have been a good strong warrior...why???

BernieEllen

Hi to everyone, haven't been on for awhile.  Sorry to hear some of you are not doing so well.  I've been in bed for days.  Feeling so run down.  Going to the dr later.  Is this normal after the last chemo?

Merilee

Articat- Because you still have the the second half of your life to live that's way!

BernieEllen- I was a flat out zombie after my last chemo, but I am glad you are seeing the doc. I hope they check your blood and make sure all is well there

Sudzinvermont

Articat~ nobody ever wants more surgery, but look at all you've gone through up to this point. If theres still something in there... then get it out~no sense leaving any bits behind to creep up later and start this whole rotten process over again.

BernieEllen I had an awful time after my last chemo, My platelets were down, I was anemic...just a mess. It took a full 3 weeks before I felt ok. Now at 5 weeks past my last chemo I feel great. I'm get tired quickly but I can see that getting better every day. I'm almost hesitant to say this because I still have a lot ahead of me but...shhhhhh...I almost feel like myself!

BernieEllen

Thanks for that, been to Dr and going to stop working.  This along with my bipolar is too much.

scc218

So sorry to hear about the terrible time after the last chemo, Sudz, Merilee, and BernieEllen.  What regimen were you guys on?  We're planning a month-long RV trip 2 days after my last Taxotere chemo because I have to wait a month before starting rads.  It has been such a sucky year so far that we're really looking forward to this break.  Now you're scaring me.  Hang in there, BernieEllen.  I hope you feel better soon.

Sudzinvermont

Suzy, I did Taxatere/Carboplatin/Herceptin. I was good until #5 then had a tough time until 3 weeks after number 6, but everyone is different.

Plan your trip...you might sail right through it.

Suexo

scc218

Thanks for the encouragement, Sue.  I'm just doing Taxotere and had #10 yesterday.  Terrible SEs at the beginning but now doing okay.  Hopefully the next 2 (and last 2) will be smooth sailing.  Really looking forward to "getting out of dodge" and trying to forget about this BC thing for a little while.  Well, forget isn't the right word.....that will never happen......just get away from doctor's appts, chemo drips, and take my mind off things for a little while.

Merilee

Bernie- I am on day 4 of officially "not working" and it is bliss.

Such a monkey off my back!