Who is happy and relieved after MX?

Options
rianne2580
rianne2580 Member Posts: 191

My MX is next week and I have mixed feelings. One minute I'm panicked and afraid I'll scream when I realize my breast is gone. Then other times I'm thinking "Thank God" this is over with and I get a little feeling of excitement that I won't have to worry about, at least the breast anymore. I don't know what else my BS will find, but on the positive side, nothing and I'm done!!!

I'm anticipating the night before the surgery and all the showering I have to do with special soap. I got a mersa nasal swipe today to make sure I'm not carrying any of that. I'm afraid I'll be up all night thinking about every little detail of everything. Is that how it goes? Will I start crying or be really happy? I do not know. I only have a microinvasion of IDC. My DCIS is in 2 seperate spots in the breast...but that's just the path from the NB.

«1

Comments

  • J9W
    J9W Member Posts: 395
    edited March 2011

    I was actually happy to 'get the show on the road'. Besides the waiting, the wondering will do a number on you too. While some people have a really hard time loosing a breast, I have been very lucky that it didn't bother me. As a matter of fact, I took the opportunity to get the other side looking good. Good luck with the surgery. As you'll hear from lots of folks here ' you can do it'.  Hugs.

  • nwest125
    nwest125 Member Posts: 240
    edited March 2011

    I had a BMX in Dec. and so far I havent cried since my surgery at all. So happy getting rid of the cancer and moving on with my life.  Good luck

    Nancy

  • Sandy105
    Sandy105 Member Posts: 216
    edited March 2011

    Rainne,

    I had a BMX on 18 March. Like you, I wondered and worried about how things would be and about how I would feel on the last day, last night, and on the day of the surgery. I wondered if I would just start screaming when they rolled the gurney into the OR.

    Amazingly, I was far more calm than I had expected to be! I really wanted the guy rolling the gurney to go faster to get the show on the road and get it over and done. I did want to scream, but I wanted to scream, "Go faster!"

    I think when we reach the decision that this is necessary, we panic, then adjust our sails, and then go with the prevailing wind to reach the other side of the bay where all this surgery is completed and we find it wasn't as bad as we thought it would be.

    The greatest gift I was given from those who supported me was a sense of peace. I pray you can reach this state of peace with your decision as well.

    If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know for I wouldn't have made it without the kindness and never ending help of the gals of this site!

    Hugs,

    Sandy

  • rianne2580
    rianne2580 Member Posts: 191
    edited March 2011

    March 18, Sandy? How are you feeling now? Did you have recon? Thank you for your kind words. Did BS take a node? See I worry alot. No recon for me. I read almost everything on this site. Very wonderful place and I don't know what I would do without it. I've learned so much and felt so much compassion for all the posts. This is a life saver.

  • mouse51
    mouse51 Member Posts: 29
    edited March 2011

    I, too, was happy to have the MX and very relieved after.  I had a nipple-sparing MX with TE, so when I saw my breast area after surgery, it actually looked like a very small breast.  I never experienced a feeling of loss, only relief that the tumor was gone and I could move forward with the next step in my BC journey. 

  • Kezzie62
    Kezzie62 Member Posts: 189
    edited March 2011

    My BMX was on March 18 too, I do not regret my desision at all.  Yes my new self takes a bit to get used to but I still love who I am.  I also know that the final look will not become visable for a few months as it takes everything time to settle.

    I too was able to find peace within myself and this made the last 48 hours ok.  I was calm and relaxed and was happy to be given the change to deal with this moster, I read so many sories of brave woman who were not given the chances I have been given.

    Hugs

    Kezzie

  • shannonW
    shannonW Member Posts: 186
    edited March 2011

    My BMX with TE's was on 2/25/11. Boy was I nervous. I had never had anesthesia and was sure I'd wake up during surgery and not be able to tell anyone I was awake!

    I got the call my surgery was scheduled way sooner than I expected. My mind went into overdrive. The night b4 my sugery I had my hubby take a pic or me and my old boobs...the breasts that fed our two girls. When I look at the photo on our camera I said outloud, "Boy I need a boob job!" And we laughed as I cried.

    The surgery was sooo much easier than I thought. The nurse gave me something to calm my anxiety and I never even "counted" as so many people told me the anesthesiologist would ask me to do! My next memory was waking up in my room and saying, "My chest hurts!" and asking my sis, "Did they get all the cancer?" Very groggily I might add. And remember to press that pain pump!!! 

    You will do fine. I'm almost 4 weeks post op with the expanders in and am doing good. Getting stronger each day. Just take the pain meds if needed(don't try to be a martyr).

    My new foobs are a growing and altho I never wanted new ones I'm liking how I like in a t-shirt! All the best to you!

  • Sandy105
    Sandy105 Member Posts: 216
    edited March 2011

    Rainne,

    Yes, I am one week post-op and had a NS/BMX with immediate recon. I have Alloderm and silicone implants. I think I am doing well and the PS and BS think I am also doing very well. I was in hospital 2 days and am resting at the hotel until drains are out.

    I think the worst part of this is the drains! But, they do come out soon! My surgery was a PMX due to my personal breast history and my family history. 

    Now that this is over and I don't have to worry about it any more, I am very happy to have made the decision I made. It is different for everyone but I really think most of the gals on this site are relieved to have it over.

  • speech529
    speech529 Member Posts: 337
    edited March 2011

    I was relieved and never regret it at all.  I had DCIS in one breast so I had a uni NS MX w/immed recon with Alloderm and silicone implants 6/28/10.  No side effects of any kind.  I am 51 and I am happy to move on in my life with a clean bill of health.  I have to add that I am very happy with the cosmetic outcome as well.

    I want to add that I have no feeling in the MX breast.  Women going into the MX experience need to understand that numbness will happen and it is permanent. It's a side effect I can live with. 

  • Annabella58
    Annabella58 Member Posts: 2,466
    edited March 2011

    I am.  I had a lumpectomy first, then a new cancer in 07, and a mtxmy with immediate recon.  I was so frightened when I woke up and would not look.  I had begged my PS not to let me wake up to nothing there and he didn't.  He gave me a starter pack of saline.  I had a surgical bra on and the interns kept on ooohing and ahhhing which I refused to believe, having some type of amazonian amputation in my mindset.  No such thing.  When I looked I had a pretty, if smaller same breast.  Have since come to realize that all they did was change the stuffing, so to speak, but it's still all me on the outside, just new inside.

    At 3 1/2 years out, I love the new girl, just like the "old girl".  She sure is much perkier and she still needs the cherry on the top so I am now going for a prophylactic mtxmy on the other original as I in no way match.  This will happen over the summer.  Since I had a qualm or two, I keep my mind firmly in the "change the stuffing" mode, tho having done it and had it turn out so well, makes this whole process so much better as you know it will be fine in the end no matter how it begins.  I'll also get a 1% chance of recurrence in the original girl as opposed to the 30% I now have.  A very significant difference.  I do not yet know if I will be a candidate for NSP as I am very large, but sure hope so, despite the fact that I realize I'll lose sensation.  Don't care, and I don't have scars anyway, since they did the apple core technique on me.

    I'll be happy when I am all done, lasered and cherried and matching, but for now, it's pretty good already.  She feels like me, looks like me, and has regained most of her sensation, my "adopted" breast.  It takes time to feel like they belong to you, so give it that wiggle room.

  • Annabella58
    Annabella58 Member Posts: 2,466
    edited March 2011

    p.s. the numbness is not something that is permanent for everyone.  In many cases (mine) sensation regenerates.  This can be partial or most of the breast.  I have complete feeling in every part of it except for the very center.  It took til now to regain it all.  It is preceeded by intense itching, which I was told was nerve regeneration and that is exactly what happened.

    Don't know if I was lucky or if my surgeon (Dr. David Passaretti, Aesthetic Surgery, Darien, CT) was an amazing microsurgeon but I suspect it must have been both.  I cannot reccomend him highly enough, both professionally and personally as the nicest person and the kindest as well as uber talented at microsurgery and matching the breast in every way.  Simply incredible.

  • agada
    agada Member Posts: 452
    edited March 2011

    I am happy and not happy.  My PS did a wonderful reconstruction which I am happy with but, the permanent numbness makes my want to cry.  I did not have to wake up with nothing. I had saline implants which was a relief.  I am currently getting my tatoos.  I have always wanted a tatoo, but theres will not be seen by the average person ;-)  all in all I can say I am relieved most of this is over.

    Agada

  • vmudrow
    vmudrow Member Posts: 846
    edited March 2011

    I didn't have cancer or DCIS, but atypical lobular hyperplasia - but I am so glad/relieved to have masectomies.  Done with the constant worrying and tests  - no crying here!! 

  • rc778
    rc778 Member Posts: 56
    edited March 2011

    Rianne,

    I had a BMX in Dec for DCIS with immed reconstruction.  I will have my permanent implants put in in May.  I was extremely relieved and I have absolutely no regrets.  I was surprised how easy the surgery was for me...pain pump for 24 hours then perc and valium for 3 days.  These made me so loopey that I switched to motrin and was fine.  The hardest part for me was the lack of energy, as I am someone who is constantly going.  It did come back though and I feel completely normal now.  Most times I don't even feel the lovely TE's.  Stay positive and good luck.  Let us know how you are.

  • rianne2580
    rianne2580 Member Posts: 191
    edited March 2011

    Thank you for your comments. I have so many questions. It's my right arm, SN biopsy planned, hopefully clear. But can I use my right arm or does that take several weeks to heal? Can I run again? I try to run 30 minutes 3-4 times a week and lift weights for my osteopenia. I'm practically flat chested anyways, so not having recon. I wish I had a support group (face to face). This one is awesome but you can't have a flowing conversation and my surgeon is so very busy, I hate to ask her what she might think are silly questions. She already yelled at me questioning the axillary node biopsy study, not going there again. I think I will refuse narcotics (rc778 made a good point). They can make you feel worse and mess up your colon. I'm giving some of my tissue to research, encourage everyone to do that for our young women growing up, facing this rotten situation. I often wonder, if they can make a human baby in a petry dish, why can't they grow our cells and skin for an easier and more healthy reconstruction of our breasts?

  • brazos58
    brazos58 Member Posts: 261
    edited April 2011

    Hi Rianne

    Just saw your post and had to reach out. I had a double mx/ 1 side prophy. The prophy side ended up having a surprize,,, ALH. The other side high grade dcis. I have no interest in recon. Foobs for dressing up are fine and goin flat is quite freeing.

    The nite b/f surgery was surreal as it was the last shower with them. And I had not a clue what to expect down the road. I was relieved to have it over... I had reduced my rate to 1-2%. I have had quite an emotional roller coaster ride as well as DH. I am 9 months out and am just now feeling my acute grief is lifting and am moving on. I did cry alot in the first 3 months and silly things would pop up that I never thought would have me missing my girls. It was ok when I first saw my incisions and not as bad as I thought.

    Its a major change in body image/ an adjustment to your sexuality...its a whole new life... but you will adapt. We are amazing that way.

    And I have all you women here at BCO for being there and guiding me thur this journey.

    Wishing you strength and Light. Feel free to PM me.

    j

  • azul115817
    azul115817 Member Posts: 98
    edited March 2011

    Add me to the list of those happy after bmx.  Recovery from the bmx wasn't bad, the fills were easy and I just had my exchange surgery a couple weeks ago.  My foobs look great, and I am at peace with my decision, knowing my risk of recurrence is very low.

    Good luck with whatever you decide!

    Heidi

  • rc778
    rc778 Member Posts: 56
    edited March 2011

    Rianne,

    You should have no problems starting back to your running routine.  It will prob be easier for you since you are not having expanders put in.  My PS said that I could get back to the gym 3 weeks post-op.  My range of motion was limited...probably more to do with the TE's rather than the SN bx.  Once I started getting fills, my range came back very quickly.  Don't be a martyr...press your pain pump after surgery.  Everyone is different so if you need something to keep you comfortable, take it.  You will eventually be able to wean yourself off.  Stay strong.

  • JanetinVirginia
    JanetinVirginia Member Posts: 1,516
    edited March 2011

    Rianne - you will find the anticipation/worry is much worse than the surgery.  I had a left mastec. & SNB in Sept and this week had a right prophy mastec.  And yes, I feel great & very relieved.  I didn't have recon - both times all I had to take was regular tylenol.  Talk w/your surgeon or surgeon's nurse, but usually the first week you are not supposed to lift anything heavy and not raise arm above shoulder.  After that you start arm-stretching exercises and just gradually increase your exercise routine back to where you were before.  Seeing a physical therapist also helps to learn how to massage the scar line - I have feeling back from the Sept mastec.  You could also check out the Feb and March mastectomy threads - lots of good tips & you can read about experiences.  Do something special for yourself this weekend & best of luck next week!

  • XmasDx
    XmasDx Member Posts: 225
    edited March 2011

    I'm upset that your surgeon "yelled at you" about anything!  It can be so infuriating, we hear that we should educate & advocate for ourselves, but when we ask a simple question we get frowned at, dismissed, poo-pooed, and apparently yelled at?  GRRR, I wish if the surgeon felt so strongly about the node biopsy she would have just gently explained why it is so important to do it. 

    I pm'd several women here for advice and help and everyone has been so wonderful - don't hesitate to do it.  BUT you have a right to have all your "silly" questions answered and not be made to feel silly about it!  But the women here probably know most of your answers, since your bs is so intimidating.  I will assume she just has your health and best interest at heart with her overzealous reaction to your question.  

    It is my understanding that SNB can only be easily done while there is still breast tissue, and since you already know you have at least a micro-invasion doing the biopsy does make sense.   I think that you are doing the right thing.  I also was going to ask if I really needed it, but after my final path showed 3mm of IDC, and not only DCIS as we had thought, I was glad I had it done.  

    Are you having single or double mx?  I had uni-mx and DIEP reconstruction 2/28/11 and even with the DIEP I'm doing great 4 weeks out today.  You will do great, just think peaceful thoughts!  Smile

  • rianne2580
    rianne2580 Member Posts: 191
    edited March 2011

    XmasDx

    My surgeon called and talked to me for a long time answering questions and giving me a hard time in a very funny way. I told her I'm heading for the hills on Monday and she'll have to find someone else to operate on. She is sending her assistant to my house to pick me up if I don't show up. She has done thousands of breast surgeries, she's no spring chicken. But I get it, if the nodes have to go, they go. She can pay for all my lymphedema treatment. This blog has been too good. When I'm out driving or working and I get that "YIKES' feeling in my stomach, I honestly think of all the compassionate, intelligent and wise women on this blog. Nothing helps getting through a crisis like support and there is so much support here. God bless ya all!

  • crusader1
    crusader1 Member Posts: 1,222
    edited March 2011

    Hi,

    I had my first mastectomy in January 2009. I am scheduled for a prophylactic one two weeks from tomorrow. I will have a TE put in once again. I tell everyone the worse part of all this is the original DX and then just the word Mastectomy sends us all to the hills. But the surgery is manageable and it does the trcik and gets rid of the cancer. In my case I am having it as my other"good" breast always shows up as having a problem due to scar tissue. I can not take any more scares..So I am actually looking forward to starting once again.

    Good luck ..

    Hugs,

    Francine

  • XmasDx
    XmasDx Member Posts: 225
    edited March 2011

    rianne, I hope you mean funny haha, not funny strange (Gilligan's Island quote)...

    Are you comfortable with your surgeon?  Is your surgery tomorrow then I take it?

    I'm glad she has lots of experience, and I hope everything goes great for you!  

  • rianne2580
    rianne2580 Member Posts: 191
    edited April 2011

    Finally, RMX and written path report. I was amazed at the aneastheologist (sp). I felt so good, I walked around about 20  minutes after waking up and starting eating about an hour later. This was easier than my appendectomy 6 weeks ago. But, scar is there. It took me awhile to look at it, now I am getting better with that. Had the nodes out, which I did not want. She took 10, so I'm going to a lymphedema prevention clinic. We're going to be in the woods quite a bit this summer. I would not know what to do if a bug bit me on my right arm.

    I am still having issues with the path report. I just do not want to do chemo or radiation and I may say no either way. My mom said a funny thing(she's 90). She asked me if I lost weight in all this and I said I don't think so. She said well you lost at least a pound, didn't you? Which says how big my boob was. Ya gotta love these old people.

    I'm not thrilled with my MX, but I'm not disappointed either. Had to go. I just wish they could make skin or something for the scars.   Oh, XmasDx, my surgeon turned into a sweetheart. She could be a stand up comedian. I'm still mad at her about the nodes, but she did her "standard of care."

  • XmasDx
    XmasDx Member Posts: 225
    edited April 2011

    Rianne - Yeah I'm glad your recovery is going so well!!  And that does stink about the nodes, but I'm sure she didn't have any choice by the "standard of care" - are you having the oncotype dx test done?  If you are thinking about skipping chemo you may want to do that test; with one positive node they are going to push chemo pretty hard I would think? 

    Lose a pound, lol.  Yup!  

  • rianne2580
    rianne2580 Member Posts: 191
    edited April 2011

    XmasDx,

    My SN only had micrometastisis. And it was single focus no extrcapsular. Think I can get away with no chemo? And my tumor was 4mm by my hospitals path report and micro, less than 1 mm by Johns hopkins path report. I thought are you kidding? This tiny little thing and I have to get chemo. My tumor was well differentiated and slow growing. Not sure what to do.

  • XmasDx
    XmasDx Member Posts: 225
    edited April 2011

    Rianne,

    HOW FRUSTRATING!  Being borderline on stuff is NO fun.  I don't know what to advise you... sounds like you need to really sit down with the oncologist and discuss the pros and cons...?

    I'm having the same frustration about Tamoxifen.  When it was "just" DCIS and I was doing MX, my onc was okay with no Tamox.  

    The nurse pract called me today and said because of the 3mm of IDC the onc wants me to take it.  I remain unconvinced that my IDC wasn't just DCIS cells found outside the duct after my biopsy.  (I'm reaching, aren't I...) anyway, really don't want to take Tamoxifen... she's mailing me info, I don't know... they won't run an Oncotype test because I'm "too low risk" to need it, but they want me on Tamox... I hate the gray areas of all this! - yuck!

  • childressvv
    childressvv Member Posts: 11
    edited May 2011

    I had a Left simple mastectomy (seems like a contradiction in terms....) HOWEVER, I have to say that I had very little pain. I was up and moving quite freely that next day. Spent one night in the hospital. My doctor had a infusion pump embedded in my incision area. I did not feel hardly any pain. I think I took 3 pain pills the whole time.The pump infused a local anesthetic for 72 hours. When it was removed, I did not feel that much discomfort. Not enought to take a pill.I am small chested and my scar is about 2.5 inches long. I have no nipple (pisses me off, I wished the doc had salvaged the nipple) There was no tumor in my nipple.

    I was relieved after the mastectomy. Also, the biopsies left me so soar that the pain from the mx was minor........I saw my breast as an 'angry' breast and felt better when it was gone.....

    I have not had reconstruction as of yet. I am going to a conference on Hereditary Breast and Ovarian Cancer in a month and will explore reconstruction options. I am BRCA2+. I wear a prosthesis and sometimes I go without....again I am so small chested, nobody notices........I have never been know for my breasts....I have very long lean legs and they have been my focus of feminity.....

  • alliesmom15
    alliesmom15 Member Posts: 106
    edited May 2011

    I just had a double masectomy on Fri with the first lymph node taken out.  I had reconstruction surgery at the same time.  Just waiting to see the results are from the node.

    I was DX with DCIS with some microinvasion.  Not sure what else they will do.

    Does anyone have any thing close to what I have?

    I am really new at this

  • Celtic_Spirit
    Celtic_Spirit Member Posts: 748
    edited May 2011

    I had a BMX over three years ago. My breasts were very large and painful, and I was looking into getting a breast reduction around the time I was diagnosed. My mother died of breast cancer, so I always felt I would get it, too, and I felt like my breasts were two ticking time bombs strapped to my chest.

    Of course, once I was diagnosed I really wanted the buggers gone! For me, surgery couldn't happen fast enough. I've never missed them, didn't have reconstruction, and I have no regrets. I can exercise more and find clothes that fit. And I never have to sweat out another mammogram.
    Diagnosis: 2/8/2008, IDC, Stage IIIa, Grade 3, 9/30 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-

Categories