Not quite a horder - decluttering

spendygirl

Oh my goodness...so glad I'm not the only one.  I had a lot of "stuff" before dx, but over the last 10 months, I haven't felt like doing anything (throw a total hysterectomy in there for fun).  Arimidex makes everything hurt and I'm so tired.  I'm obsessed with thoughts of getting organized and cleaning closets.  So please keep the ideas coming!  I need them!  Great thread.

Teka

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Meece

I need to get the sewing room hit this week.  We are having company for dinner on Thursday.  I am planning on teaching their daughter to sew, so I am sure the sewing room will come into view on that day.  Eeek.

suzwes

It feels so good to get a room complete!  our office is done and looks beautiful.  I've been very lazy this weekend.  I am going to work a little more on the kitchen today.  I get the kitchen done and then more clutter appears!

Welcome to our newcomers - this thread has been very motivating for me!

Teka

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samsue

Dilemma, have stuff I should get rid of but don't want to because they're sentimental. RE: old rocking chair that daughters were rocked in, green chair that really is nice.... silverware that mom had, the list goes on. UGH Help, need suggestions!

suzwes

That is a dilemma Samsue.  I have no suggestions other than I've offered the sentimental items to my grown kids and usually they'll take it so I feel good that it's still in the family but really good because it's out of my house.  If your daughters aren't old enough to have their own place then it's hard to do that.  I hope someone else has some good suggestions.

samsue

Suzwes, that's part of the problem. Both my DD used the rocker as babies and they had babies and used it as we passed it around. The latest DB didn't use it because one of the DD moved to far away and I couldn't get it to her.... so do I donate it to GW or try and fit it in the attic knowing it may never be used again. This is a tough one! I'm tired of having it in my garage! The thing is it's a prefect fit for when you hold the babies, because you can rest your arm on the side rail and cuttle the babies so much easier......  It even has a perfect squeak!

Wonderland

Samsue: Here is one suggestion about sentimental items from an expert:

 "If having it around you makes you feel really happy, keep it. But if it's up in the attic and someone else can use it, then give it away."

If you decide to give it away, maybe you can find a young pregnant woman just starting out who would love to have your rocker. Just a thought!

Teka

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samsue

It's true I do love the rocker but mostly when there's a babe in my arms!

voraciousreader

Regarding passing down furniture.. There is a terrific book, "Cheap: the high cost of discount culture.". The book devotes a chapter to Ikea. The reason why I mention the book and Ikea is because the author explains why this younger generation no longer appreciates craftsmanship. This younger generation prefers cheap and disposable. Very provocative and enlightening book. Sadly, my 86 year old mom is trying to find keepers for not only her keepsakes, but keepsakes of her parents of which no one in the family desires. The book is very relevant.

Teka

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voraciousreader

Teka.... I wouldn't hold my breath. My three kids are also in their twenties...if it fits in a pocket, they might accept it... But larger items....Read the book. Sobering.

Teka

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voraciousreader

Teka... You could have written the book!

GramE

I think another problem with keepsakes, especially furniture, is that the current generation wants brand new, latest style, and things they choose themselves.   Us older folks did not mind "hand me downs" as some may call them.    When I downsized and moved to an apartment the only 2 pieces of furniture I kept were a tressel (? on spelling) table (old, hand made, thick real oak wood) and my grandmothers teak wood carved hope chest.   My son does want these items and will only get them when I am gone.    But many items are just too good to throw away.   Donating them and taking a tax write off is one way to do it.   A detailed list needs to be made with a signed receipt from the place where you donate it/them.    Good luck.    Hugs, Nancy 

Teka

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otter

Hi.  My name is otter, and I have a clutter problem.

Whew.  That wasn't so bad.  Seriously... I've been lurking on this thread since it started, thinking I really ought to post here (since I'm not willing to seek professional help).  But you women are making such outstanding progress that I am feeling a tiny bit intimidated. 

Here's the deal:  I come from a family of "collectors".  I don't know if this behavior is genetic or learned or both; but there's no doubt I'm following in my parents' footsteps.

Mom & Dad lived in the same house for 60 years, so they never had to deal with a move, a house fire, or even down-sizing.  They were both children of the Depression; and their home and garage are filled to the rafters with ... stuff.  Dad saved out of habit, especially once he started showing signs of Alzheimer's a few years ago.  Mom saved for monetary reasons, but also because of extreme (pathological?) sentimentality.  She was unable to throw or give things away that had any meaning at all (think "first urped-on baby blanket", "first beat-up, worn-out stuffed rabbit", "the plastic cereal bowl punctured by the bear's tooth," etc.).

Well, Dad has been in a nursing home for the past year, and Mom died quite suddenly last month.  So, what was theirs is now my sister's and mine.... and, we really don't know where to begin.  The trouble is that I have the same frugal tendencies my dad had ("Surely this plate is worth something!"), and my sister has my mom's extreme sentimentality ("I can't get rid of this -- it was Mom's favorite hairbrush!").  <sigh>

Add to that the fact that dh and I are already tripping over plastic bins of stuff we brought back from their house last summer, in an attempt to thin things out. It's all stashed in our own basement.

I know I am really early in this challenge, and it will take months, or even years (unfortunately) to turn around a behavior that developed over a lifetime.  But it's nice to know I'm not alone.

I do wish, though, that the TV programs on hoarding didn't focus quite so much on people who save hundreds of soiled pizza boxes and have the bodies of dead cats underneath their piles of stuff... 

Do y'all give merit badges or gold stars for progress?  That would be nice.  I do like rewards.

otter

voraciousreader

Otter....Sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. 

Regarding the clutter, I remember when my husband and his sister had to clear out his parents' home and how difficult it was for her, especially.  I recall when my father died suddenly several decades ago...while my parents were in the process of moving.  Helping my mother make the move was a hurclean task.  Afterwards, I swore I would never clutter my own home.  Fast forward, 25 years, my brother, sister and I assembled in Florida to straighten out her home because we worried that with all of her clutter, she might fall.  Another hurclean effort on our part.

There are a number of wonderful books about hoarding. I just finished reading Jessie Sholl's Dirty Secret.  She describes her mother's hoarding and how it has affected her.  It was the first book that I've read from a child of a hoarder's point of view.  Excellent book.  If you've followed this thread, then you know my neighbor is a hoarder and her daughters will have nothing to do with the home.  They have not visited in more than a decade.

There are a number of other books on how to begin to get organized.  I've skimmed some of them, but they are mostly for your garden-variety type of clutterer.  For the types of hoarders that you see on television, there are several books written.  One, most noteably by Randy Frost, who is considered the most knowledgeable person about the issue.

If I might give you one piece of advice, it would be to NOT buy bins.  If you must begin cleaning out your own clutter, begin with garbage bags and try to toss things or donate them.  I'm ALWAYS loading garbage bags and placing them in those charity boxes in parking lots.  It's become a habit.  A good habit.

It's still early for you to begin the process of what to do with your parents' home.  The first months are very difficult in deciding what stays and what gets tossed.  Hopefully, you and your sister will take some time and then be able to begin that process.

Good luck.

Teka

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Dilly

Hi ladies - it seems de-cluttering can be an ongoing thing - a life pattern.



Otter, I can empathize with your position. My parents lived in one house, and were collectors too -- after Mom died 4 years ago my bro and I had a lot of "stuff" to go through. Besides her collections, Mother kept 1950s electric bills, and every card or letter, or funeral memorial card she ever got. I don't think she ever met a piece of paper she didn't like; a souvenir or gift she didn't keep. Bro and I used the first couple of months as we got together to grieve and talk, to begin sorting and pitching. That got rid of some stuff. We took things to the local women's shelter, to the thrift shop; had yard sales...



Then I'd make boxes for our kids, of their gma's good stuff: a crystal bowl for you and you and you and you; a quilt for this one and that one and so on, trying to spread mother's "family keepsake treasures" around. I sent things to cousins - that their parents had gifted Mom; and here I am 4 years later still trying to figure out what to do with boxes and boxes of stuff I still have.



We went through the same with my sister (who collected, plus kept her entire wardrobe all her life), and my DH's grandma, who had a box labeled and containing "String too Short to Save."....



The generations before us really saved for a rainy day, then afterwards they collected as a sort of prosperity symbol...



I wish you peace in your process -- Bro and I found some real "treasures" hidden among those 50s electric bills, we didn't get rid of anything until we'd been through it. We would sit at a table, drink coffee and talk and grieve, and sort things, and some comforting memories came to us. My condolences on your loss.

Anonymous

Haven't been on here in a while, probably because I've done nothing toward decluttering.  So I have a few pages to catch up on.  Hoping to get some ideas although I don't really fit into any of your  categories of having "good" old stuff.   Just need to get rid of things I don't use or need.

suzwes

I just worked with my "organizer" DIL and threw away two huge garbage bags full of junk (hope this helps Patoo) and I huge pile of stuff for a garage sale that DIL is having in her neighborhood next month.  I did pretty well throwing crap away.

Teka

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Meece

I worked in the garage for a few hours yesterday.  Not nearly "there" yet, but DH didn't even notice when he walked through it!  He has tunnel vision.  He walked out there again and noticed.  I am trying to get things in labeled boxes, so I know which boxes go to which kids!

flash

I definitely belong on this board!  I am one of those with lots of "stuff."  My biggest problem?  I actually use it all.  I'm the one everyone comes to borrow the ________.  Between girl scouts, plays, pony club, horses, miniature hobby, silver business I don't have enough room.  I don't however have any "junk"  If it's not in working order, I give it one month to be fixed.  If I can't get it fixed in that time, I never will and out the door it goes.  My problem is just getting it back to being organized after 3 years of tx and apathy.  

otter- I can appreciate dealing with inherited things.  One rule that has helped over the last year?  one thing per day must go on ebay, donated, museum or somewhere.  It's slow but it is sure.  It also kept me from almost giving away a $7000 first edition that I had no idea was worth anything. Let's hear it for ebay!

suzwes

OMG, flash - what a great surprise!  $7,000 - wow.  I like your statement, being organized after tx. and apathy - that's been my biggest problem in keeping the house organzed. DIL and I were discussing that very issue last night, I was going through 18 months of tx. for newly diagnosed Lupus and then was dx. with BC so it's been 5 years of tx and apathy.

Great Idea, one thing per day on ebay or donated. 

GramE

You might add one useless thing into the trash along with one thing donated or on ebay.  I never did ebay - bought or sold.    Is it a difficult thing to do?    Pictures are probably a good thing, right?   How about the "security" of the site?    

Happy decluttering.   Nancy 

Meece

I put one pair of items on Ebay last month but got no bids.  It isn' difficult, I will try it again someday.