My Fellow Deletees and The Cyberbullied Sisters

Bren-2007

Apple .. there may be 90K members listed, but a large number are not active and never have been.

I think cyberbullying, even though in the minority, is an issue that should be addressed.  I believe BCO has a responsibility to ensure that it doesn't get out of hand.  It's why we have moderators.  I don't think cyberbullying should ever be allowed in any case, just because it may only affect a handful of people.

I hope that some tweaking is all it takes to remedy the situation .. or at least make some headway with the problem.

I agree, it is fun to make friends and plan get togethers on this site.  It's been a godsend to me the past four years.

Bren

Medigal

Apple:  I agree with you that mod should not be expected to babysit us 24 hours a day.  By the same token, they also should not be allowed to delete or ban innocent people because another poster can't be mature enough to accept other opinions other than their own and either PM them to bring their attention to a certain post or be allowed to press the Report button too many times.  As long as we have the Report button and people PMing the Mods they will end up having to get involved whether they want to or not.  I still say once we take the "power" (Report button) out of the access of troublemakers, most of our problems will resolve themselves.

Whatever your "simple" fix is, I do hope they find it soon and it works!

1Athena1

Give Bren and me 2 hours and we can make it 100,000 members - as soon as we are done creating sock puppets, right Bren? I wonder how many of them are "real" and active members.

covertanjou

Apple,  I am disturbed by your post.  I am not sure if what you wrote is really what you mean.  Do you mean that the women on this board who have been bullied should not be protected?  Are you implying that since some women have been cyberbulled, that it is their fault?  There may be hundreds of women who have not been bulled, but there have also been many, many women who have been.  Are you implying that women who have been bullied have somehow "asked for it" because they get caught up in the "hullabaloo type stuff"?  And what is "hullabaloo type stuff"?  

Beesie

apple, not everyone who is bullied or stalked participates in the "hullabaloo type stuff". I do occasionally post my opinions in the political and social threads but that's never caused any problems for me.  What's led to my being stalked and what's led to insulting and offensive posts & PMs being directed at me has been my participation in the diagnosis and breast cancer forums. I'm one of those weird people who likes digging through research and presenting scientificly supported data. Another weird thing about me - I don't like fear-mongering, particularly in threads directed at newbies or those not yet diagnosed.  So in the course of my participation in the diagnosis & BC forums, I occasionally present information that contradicts what someone else said.  Most people take that graciously and in fact appreciate getting new information - I know that I do when someone presents studies or new information that I wasn't aware of - but there are those who get offended. Some people get very offended - and choose to act out by stalking or posting derogatory comments or sending nasty PMs.  This happens a lot more often than you would think.  Recently there was a long discussion thread that talked about this.

So it's incorrect to think that the problem with stalking and bullying and post deletions is restricted to the political and social threads and those who participate in those threads.  Certainly it's an obvious issue there, but it's a less obvious - but to me even more concerning - issue all over the board.  

I don't want the Mods to have to get involved in all these disputes. I don't care if the offensive posts directed at me are deleted (actually I'd prefer that they not be since they say so much about the individuals who write those posts).  What I want is a way to ensure that my legitimate posts aren't deleted just because someone is angry at me and has decided to target me. That's all.   

riley702

apple, your post disturbs me as well. It seems obvious you consider yourself part of the "helpful members with long histories, 1000s of posts who never have problems, who politely disagree and discuss and aren't caught up in this hullabaloo type stuff." How nice for you. So if it doesn't concern you, it doesn't deserve attention? Please tell me I read that wrong.

crazy4carrots

Cyber-bullying is a new experience for the great majority of us.  But I personally know of 4 individual cases of members being driven off this site and even hounded at their home and their workplace by the same cyberbullies.  There may be more.  And Beesie is an example of someone whom many have noticed being harrassed for the research she has done which seems to conflict with the ideas of one poster here.

IMO, it's no more acceptable here than it is in the schoolyard or the workplace.  Whatever can be done to stop it should be encouraged.  I know that Melissa and the tech team are seriously looking at this and I'm hoping there will be a solution very soon.

apple

I suppose my post came across as judgemental.  . 

Bullies should not have the capability to delete and should be able to be ignored.  As of now, they can be ignored by someone who puts them on ignore,but not the whole group who doesn't have them on ignore....a moderator then needs to tend to complaints.  She (or he) can manually ban, delete, restrict or whatever.

All the details in the forum still need to be addressed by the forum platform 'infrastructure... which is where I'm coming from.  Sorry if I offended anyone..

peace and love, apple
Diagnosis: 5/10/2008, IDC, 5cm, Stage IV, Grade 3, 4/9 nodes, ER+, HER2+

covertanjou

apple, you are a well-loved and respected member of this forum, and I am glad that you clarified your earlier post. I understand your points, and I respect your comments.

peace and love to you too, apple. 

1Athena1

(((apple)))

Full disclosure: I was offended too and glad that others responded in more civil tones than the ones I had in mind for a post that I wrote up, then deleted.

I think your experience, though, speaks in a different way to why we are doing this. Because so much of BCO is so supportive, fun, informative, loving, etc... I, for one, think it's worth fighting for. If it didn't have all of those good things that you point to, then I would be one to say "I'm going elsewhere."

And it's true that people's experiences on this gigantic forum can vary widely. If you are a big mouth, early stager like me, you roam the entire savannah and drop your dribble everywhere, meaning that you are more likely to run into trouble....

If you are at one endpoint or another, ie: not diagnosed or worried, or Stage IV, which is a very well established presence, you live in a more self-contained, understanding environment because you have more important things to think about than opening your big lioness mouth about politics. Ergo, you are less likely to run into trolls, etc...

It's nice to go back and forth between BC and not BC. But I can tell you one thing: No matter how heated the politics discussions get, we are all cancer patients, present and former, and there is no doubt in my mind that we are here to support one another no matter what. I don't care how much I disagree with person x or person y. If she tells me she has a new lump or a bad MRI, I'm a sister, no matter what. 

1Athena1

...which means, BTW,

SHIRLEY:

I hope your CT scan results are good!

riley702

Thank you for clarifying, apple. I think I was more hurt than offended, so very glad I read it wrong.

Medigal

Shirley:  I didn't realize you had CT scans.  Hope you got good results. 

apple

don't get me started on politics  ha ha..  

 I'll just say I'm pretty comfortable here.

BarbaraA

Adding my prayers for good scans for Shirley!!

AnneW

I find myself missing Shirley, though I would admittedly roll my eyes at the long posts! (Shirley, if you'e reading, big hugs from one NC gal to another!) Hope the scans turn out okay!!

Beesie

Shirley, I miss you too.  ((((Hugs))) and wishing you great scan results!

rosemary-b

Shirley

Prayers for good scans

konakat

I miss Shirley too! 

Please let us know how you are, either here or on the Stage IV forum.  Don't make me send handsome Mounties after you!! 

Bren-2007

lewing

Sending good scan vibes Shirley's way.

L

Medigal

Ladies:  Unless I misunderstood Shirley's post of 3/9/11, she made it clear she was leaving our group and returning to the other group after we had that problem with Lizard.  I didn't know she was a Stage IV but don't recall seeing her on those threads.  When she didn't return to give her opinion of The Donald's "bad hair", I figured she must have been serious about selecting the other group to stay on.  Whatever she has decided, I do hope she has good results with her scan.

bluedahlia

I wasn't very happy with her last post on this thread, but I want nothing but good health for everyone!

kadeeb

Ladies, you have had some really great ideas on the improvement and safety of this web site. It is obvious by your posts that a lot of thought has gone into your suggestions and solutions. Being an old timer at computer programming (main frames not the message board type of computer language) I would like to mention a few things that might help in defining what we want to see in a software package.

Bear in mind that a computer is one of the least complicated machines invented by man. It only knows off and on, true and false, yes and no. Someone made the comment that everything is not black and white. Well if you want a computer to make the decision, it has to be. There are no greys on your motherboard. You have to be specific.  

I do not know the specifics of the current system BCO is running but it is obvious that when a post is reported 5 times, the program disables the poster. It requires action by a moderator to reinstate that poster's privilages. It also posts a default message that says the post has been removed by the community. That can be done almost instantly because the code would keep track of the number of reports for a post and when the number hits 5 a subroutine kicks in, inactivates the poster and posts the default message. To post all 5 reporters along with why they reported would require a lot of changes(money) and storage capabilities (server space, more money). Additional buttons require additional programming, testing and more money. 

The easiest and least expensive way to handle the reporting issues is to do as some have suggested. Eliminate the ability of posters with less than 50(current limit, probably needs to be higher) to report. Melissa does see who the reporters are but I think we must remember we are not the only thread who has posts reported. I do think a limit on how many posts a person can report in say a 5 minute period should not be allowed. We already are not allowed to post a succession of posts so the poster's actions are already being monitored by the software. It is possible that a poster's actions on the report button  could be limited as well. 

Sorry to run on but computer software is not something that's easy to explain or do. If all are confused or just tired of this post, I'll shut up now and go play elsewhere.  I just thought if we could get one or 2 things changed then we might be able to go from there and maybe stir up support for this site. 

sunny210

Shirley - 

I miss you,too. We don't often agree, but I like hearing another perspective. It makes me think.

Fingers crossed for good scans.

Sandy 

AnneW

kadeeb, I appreciate knowing more about the technical aspects of this issue. Thanks.

Given what you've said, and what others have suggested, I think upping the number of posts to allow a "report" is a good fix for now. Though until "reporters" are outed, I think we'll be revisiting this many more times...

palaminoridesagain

Medidgal:  Just because someone doesn't hang out on the Stage 4 forum, doesn't mean they don't have stage 4.  Some of us are struggling with this diagnosis and personally I would rather help someone especially if they are scared.  I have mets to my femur, pleura, back, and brain. 

Nicki

palaminoridesagain

Hello to all and let me introduce myself.  I am Chemosabi and was interviewed on the Channel 2 news.  Topic of the interview was Cyberbullying. If you type in my name you might get to see the interview. 

I haven't been here in a very long time.and it saddens me to see that it's the same old stuff.  There are so many who come here for help and this topic along with all other topics like this - well I think they should be removed. 

I came back here looking for help in my darkest despair.  The doctors told me I wouldn't be alive for my Birthday and that was March 3rd.  I beat the bullet this time.  I have cancer in my femur - they expect the leg to break unless I have a rod put in, I have cancer of my spine, they want to do a vertbroplasty, I have cancer in the pleura of my lung, and I have brain mets.  I walk slow and unbalanced.  I stutter when I talk and I have expressive aphagia. It would be wonderful if you stop fighting with each other and give people like me to get the support I need. 

Chemosai 

konakat

I found out about Shirley on the worried about mets thread (I think it was that one) when she was first waiting the results about a scan quite a while ago.  She mentions it here and there, not often.  I am going on the assumption that she is doing well.

leggo

Hi Chemosabi. I was wondering where you went. I don't post on the Stage IV thread anymore, but our current situations are similiar (except I have liver mets to add to the mix). I had my femur replaced with a rod and had the vertbroplasty done. I also have the stumbling, walking, stuttering issue due to a CV2 antibody deficiency, so if you have any questions, I might be able to help. Not sure how much I can help a nurse who probably knows the ins and outs but you never know.

Edited to add: I don't want to hi-jack the thread, so feel free to pm me.