What to expect

Healthy_future

My wife was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer on her right breast back in January.

She had mastectomy 3 weeks ago and she is recovering at home.

Like what people experienced here we all were shocked and scared. My wife is still feeling sad.

I am worry about her physcal and physchlogical health.

We are going to see an oncologist next week for her chemotheraphy.

I'd like to know what to expect with her chemo and radio theraphy.

This her diagnosis:

Age: 45

Stage 3, cancer type Lobular Carcinoma Grade 2. Size 58 mm. Right breast.

PER +, HER -

Lymph Nodes. 9 removed during the surgery. The test showed negative.

CT and bone scan showed negative.

What type of chemo treatment usually women with this situation receive?

I am worry about the side affect and how that will makes her feel.

I heard radio theraphy is less painfull.

Thank you.

pupfoster1

God love you for being here for her!  And when she feels up to it I hope she will join in as well.  These ladies have helped me SOOO much through my journey.  No question is off limits!

Regarding your wife's dx:  GOOD thing she has no positive nodes and a clean bone scan!!!!  And her tumor is quite small in comparison to mine and to many ladies you will see here!  All good things in her favor.  Also being ER/PR+  is a "good" thing in terms of having post chemo therapy (ie: pills or other therapy) to keep the nasty buggers from coming back.  Also the HER2- is a "good" thing in BC speak.

Not sure what chemo they will use, but I got the "big guns"----4 rounds of dose dense A/C (Adriamycin and Cytoxin combo--the stuff that makes your hair fall out, plus various other side effects) every 2 weeks followed by 4 rounds of dose dense Taxol (much better tolerated by most women) and am now on Tamoxifen once a day for at least 5 years.  The A/C was probably the hardest part for me, especially losing my hair, but I made it through.  

Please let us know how we can help, and PM me if you have ANY kind of questions whatsoever.  I might also recommend a really good book for significant others called "Stand By Her" (forget the author, but I'm sure you can find it on Amazon).  It was written by the husband of a BC survivor and helped my husband a lot.

Keep us posted on how she is doing!

Sharon

P.S. Radiation was MUCH easier!!!  Some slight burns towards the end, but EASY for me compared to chemo......

weesa

There are so many of us here, stage 3'ers, and the vast majority of us are absolutely thriving! I see many promising details in your description of your wife's pathology, and great reason for optimism.

Please stick with us and visit often. You will discover us being busy, working, raising children, going on bike trips, running marathons, cleaning our house. Many of us have a renewed sense of joy and gratitude about life that we did not have prior to diagnosis.

jennyboog

This is a great website and hope your wife will feel up to chatting with us sometime.  It's great you're being so supportive of her, my husband has been my rock during this whole thing.  It is an emotional rollercoaster ride for us all, you wife is not alone in her feelings.  It's a grieving process and she might have to deal with things the way she needs to.  I'm not sure the type of chemo she'll get, it does different stuff to each of us.  I did 4 rounds dose dense A/C & then 4 rounds taxotere, each chemo was rough the first day but then each session got better.  I lost my hair with A/C and they had to run it over 3-4 hrs. for me, I also wore a motion sickness patch to help.  My first round of Taxotere was so rough but then it got better with the other sessions.  I was super tired on day 3 after each chemo.  She does have several great things about her dx, no + nodes, er +, all these are good things.  You will get through this, you're just at the bottom of the hill right now but keep climbing, it's the only way to get to the other side.  We're here if you need us. 

jennyboog

Forgot...I'm doing radiation now and so far it's going great and way better than chemo.

Healthy_future

Thank you everyone for the information.

I am reading "Stand By Her" now.

When we get information about the chemo from her oncologist next week I will post the details.

I'd like to compare notes. It's such an important thing.

My wife has not been to this website yet. I thing she is afraid of what she might find from other people experiences. I can understand that.

The first couple of weeks was overwhelming to me too.

Sincere and warm well wishes to you all.

karen1956

Healthy....I'm glad that you found us, but sorry that you and your wife have to do this journey.....I just passed 5 years since Dx......it is all doable......I had bilat, TAC chemo (every 3 weeks, 6 doses...oh yeah.. TAC is Taxatere, Adriamycin and Cytocin all in one cocktail), rads, ooph and AI's.....Keep us posted....Karen

AnacortesGirl

Healthy_future,

"My wife has not been to this website yet. I thing she is afraid of what she might find from other people experiences. I can understand that."

You sound like a very supportive and loving husband!  Understanding and allowing feelings is so important in the primary caregiver.  Very much like my husband's response and how he has supported me through this -- none of my feelings were wrong and he allowed me to express my thoughts and didn't try to "fix" them.   

The two of you will get through this.  There is no doubt about that.  There will be hard times but each day and week passes and soon you'll be on the downhill side.

My chemo was given on a weekly basis but it was the AC/T mentioned in the Sharon's and jennyboog's post.  For me, the hardest thing was feeling like I had lost control.  I could no longer plan my week because I couldn't guarantee how I was going to feel.  Once I got comfortable with that, my emotions settled down.  Didn't like it, but I could do it.

I worked through the first 4 months of chemo except for my infusion days or if I wasn't feeling good that day.  Then I hit a wall and finished the last 3 months at home.  (Most regimens don't last as long as mine did - I was on a trial.)

I found great comfort coming to this site.  All these women shared the same worries as me.  And I found out that my side effects (SEs) were as normal as you can get with this stuff.  Since no woman is the same, there is every combination of SEs under the sun from the various women on these boards. 

She is at the scary time right now.  So many unknowns and trying to understand why this freight train just hit her and her life has been turned upside down.  But we find the strength and the will to push through this and get healthy once again.  Your user name says it all.

DCMom

Healthy_Future-  Make sure you check out the forum for those currently undergoing treatment and read possibly some from groups that have gone ahead of your wife and then find one for those that will start chemo at the same time.  It's a great fountain of information.

I got on the elliptical every day through treatment (ok well most days)  I liked to consider it my tri-fecta with chemo going in,  exercise out, and visualizations of the chemo doing it's job.  I used small soldiers running around shooting at the bad cells (military family and all).  Three years later and I am feeling great and trying to stick with exercise daily (ok ok still only most days ). 

This is the bottom of the barrell waiting for everything to start,  there is another dip at the end of treatments when you move into your new normal and the emotions attack, but the most important thing for me was coming here and hearing all of the wonderful stories from these ladies.  I avoid statistics and look for the positives and there are plenty is sounds like from diagnosis. 

As for radiotherapy I don't know about the science behind it.  One lucky thing about stage 3 is we do get all of the big guns right off the bat.  Here's to cancer free living since right now all of your wife's cancer has been removed and she's only going on for the insurance.  

Kudos to you for getting on here for your wife.  This is so doable. 

ilchusband

healthy_future

I kind of know what your going through my wife was diagnosed with ILC Dec 13 2010 had bilateral

mastectomy Jan 5 hers was in left breast almost 6cm grade 2, with 1 lymph node of 14 positive

ER&PR positive hers negative. She started chemotherapy Feb 23. It's a scary road to

be going down for everyone in a family. I was glad to see another husband on a site have been

reading these to try and understand what to expect and didn't know how to ask. Like you my

wife knows that I check these post she doesn't want to. Anyone with ideas of how I can help

her out please. She is 39 and apprehensive as you

can expect. But I think I'm more scared Than she is

Let-It-Be

Pat yourselves on the back or being such wonderful men!! 

Please pass on some of the stories to your wives under the "Inspiring Stories" topic "Success Stories" thread.  This will help them get through some of the $hitty days.

pupfoster1

Hi ilchusband and welcome to you too.

Yes,it IS scary, but doable.  Chemo can be rough at times, but we are fortunate that there are a lot of meds to help with the side effects (SE's).  She will probably have at least one or two bad days each cycle, and then start feeling better.  My best advice for you, is to just keep doing what you are doing.  Being her supporter, and being there for her.  It's tough on you too though, so be sure to take care of yourself through this, physically and mentally!  And any questions we can answer, please ask away.

Best to you and your wife,
Sharon

jennyboog

I think it's wonderful that both of you (husbands) are on this site.  As I said earlier my hubby has been my rock during this.  Everytime I have my pity parties he's always there to pull me out of them and keep me fighting.  I know deep down he's scared and might have moments of weakness without me seeing them.  Both of your wives have some good things about their dx., check out the 5 years+ thread, I go there sometimes when I need a little positive thinking. 

ilchusband

Thank you ladies For not being offended by men being on the site. I have checked almost all over the internet and not been able to find any sites where husband's discuss their wives cancer. It gives me a great amount of hope for my wife and the rest of you ladies by reading your stories. My prayers are with all of you. Thank you all for your support

DCMom

ilchusband-  this is a couples disease as I know it affects my husband as much as me.  Its wonderful to see you reaching out for support and that's what we are all here for...with lots of info and humor to boot.

jennyboog

@ ilchusband...you are as affected by this as she is and will go down this journey with her.  Yeah, physically we do the tx & surgery but it's a crazy ride for the whole family.  Just know it does get better & we're here if you need us.

Sandy105

Mr. and Mrs. Healthy Future,

Thank you for being there and "here" for your dear wife! You are a jewel for being so loving and supportive of her during this journey. At the end, when she is again healthy, you will be so glad you supported her when she most needed you.

I have just started the journey, a PMX has been recommended for me, and I want to tell you right now that I could not begin to walk this road alone. My husband is my greatest advocate and the ladies on this site have become my sisters. 

Strange as it may seem, I haven't "actually met" any of them, but I feel closer to them than I feel to my own sister. You have found the right place for information, comfort, inspiration, and hope for the journey.

Your beautiful wife and your family are in my prayers and will remain there as you walk this sometimes difficult road.

A word to the wise: When my doc called to give me the results of the Mammy and they were not very good, I cried. My husband's cell phone rang within 60 seconds after we had spoken. It was the doc calling back with the best advice of all - "Just HOLD her and HOLD her and HOLD her some more." So HOLD your beautiful wife very gently....of course!

Hugs to your wife and BRAVO to you for being there and here for her!

Sandy

Healthy_future

Thank you for your support ladies.

I hope you are coping well. Try to stay positive.

Sincerely wishing you all well.

I told to my wife, Winston Churchill once said "If you are going through hell, keep going".

She is going to have her chemo (TAC) in a couple weeks time. 6 chemos every 3 weeks.

She is very nervous so the Oncologist offererd her an option to stay overnight at the hospital for the first treatment.

The oncologist also recommended us not to google the side effects of chemo too much. Many are wrong?? and everyone's different. Maybe ignorance is bliss in this case.

Hi ilchusband,

How is the boss doing? I hope she is going through the chemo well.

I'll probably take some time off work during her chemo whenever required.

I have talked to my manager and people at work and they are very understanding.

Difficult to tell until she has the chemo.

I think my wife is slowly accepting the situation. She cried few times wanting everything to return like before. I didn't know what to say. She is also very self concious about her appearance even though I mentioned to her many times that I couldn't tell. I was being honest.

NancyD

I had TAC x 6 three years ago, and personally, I think you SHOULD be prepared for any of the possible side effects, espcially the ones that show up immediately.

And you should be prepared for some of the side effects from the meds they give to PREVENT some of the chemo side effects. Nothing deadly, just very uncomfortable. I found they were over medicating me with the anti-nauseau meds and I had terrible constipation. 

So having some over-the-counter meds to combat things like constipation (or it's alter ego, diahrrea) are wise since you never know which you will have and they can come only a day apart from each other.

One good thing about the every three weeks treatment is that you get to feel almost normal in the week-to-five-days before the next treatment.

ilchusband

Healthy _future

The Boss is doing great. Tell your wife it's just like the ladies on here are saying. My wife had a rough time the first 3 days Not real bad just nauseated But once they got her meds adjusted for the side effects She's back to herself. Sounds like they're almost on the chemo regiment.

Where I work at they pretty much told me take off whatever days I need so like you don't have any problems there. My wife's job is the same way but they have a lot of experience with breast cancer there my wife is the third in 10 years and they only have about 18 employees.



I hope the chemo goes as well for your wife my wife says it's not bad at all anymore since the meds are working she wet back to work on saturday already just 3 days after treatment. She even wants to go out to eat tonight. It's our 22nd anniversary today got to figure out where to take her

azs40

I was diagnosed at age 38. I did TAC x 6 also. I think I was most apprehensive before the first round because I didn't know what to expect. I don't want to sound cavalier about the whole thing, but I will say that I found a "routine" to treatment - I had chemo on Tuesdays, felt crappiest on Thursday/Friday...by Sunday I was ravenous, on Tuesday I went back to work until the next round. BTW, I didn't feel bad the entire time, I think a lot of women here will agree. I was still able to carry on a "normal" life in between rounds.I know everyone's experience can be different, and I know that may sound strange to you now, but I hope the same for your wife.

My advice to you would be to focus on your own experience - try not to pay too much attention to "horror" stories (these freaked me out, then never materialized so I constantly reminded myself to focus on my own experience and not assume the worst...), make sure your wife takes all the drugs prescribed - even if she doesn't feel particularly nauseous or whatever at the time, drink lots of fluid to flush the chemo out asap (even though water tasted yucky the first couple of days post-chemo), eat when she can/wants, and watch out for germs. I did catch a cold after my first round that landed me in the hospital for 4 days - after that I was probably overly attentive to germ control, but I didn't have any further problems. 

Most importantly, please remember that this won't be your life forever. Two and a half years later and my hair's back, I'm going to Disney with my 4-year-old daughter and husband next week, looking forward to gardening this spring and pre-occupied by things like getting my oil changed. You'll get through it. 

ilchusband

I was wrong on my wife's chemo meds earlier it is not TAC it is FEC x 3 and then taxotere x 3 is anyone else on this regiment of chemo

Healthy_future

Ilchusband,

Happy Wedding Anniversary.

Ours 22nd will be next month. I hope she wants to go out.

My wife had a choice to either go for FEC or TAC, but the Oncologist recommended TAC.

Apparently very similar in side effects.

KerryMac

Ilchusband - I did FEC-T, two years ago now. It is more commonly used in Canada and in Europe, although parts of the US are using it too now.

I wouldn't say it was a "walk in the park", but she will get through it. I had different SE's with the two drugs, it seemed like I just got used to the first lot when they switched the drugs.

If you have any questions, I would be happy to answer them!

jennyboog

Everyone has their own experience and no two are alike usually.  Each type of chemo gave me different SE.  The meds they give you will help with some SE's and make it tolerable.  Day 3 for me was the worse but I kept my girls (4 & 2 yr old) at home with me during tx and flew from Hawaii to N. Carolina the day after my last round of AC.  Not that I recommend others doing that, I had no choice but just showing you that most days are managable.  We're here if you need us.

Monty

Hi,

I did the same regime as your wife will do more or less.  I was apprehensive before I started as you here all the horror stories.  I decided to prepare for the worst but instead experienced the best.  I was not sick at all during the chemo treatment, infact some days I would come home and start gardening.  The onc insisted that I take the whole time off work which I did, although I kicked and screamed my way into it.  After each chemo I had to go back the day after and they gave me a shot of Neulasta.  This is a very expensive drug, not covered by OHIP, but luckily covered by my insurance company at the time, it helps to boost your system so that you can stay on course with the 3 weekly treatments.  I even drove myself to and from chemo after the 1st time as I did not feel any effects whatsoever.  Please warn your wife and be ready for her hair falling out approx. 10 days after her first treatment.  It doesn't matter how much you prepare for this it does come as a huge shock and I cried and cried as it just fell out but a few days later I accepted that this was how it was to be and I moved on.  I bought a wig although I only wore it 3 times, the rest of the time I made "chemo caps" and wore them as they were much more comfortable.  I made different ones to match different outfits, that way I could feel OK going out of the house. I was worried that everyone would stare and give me those pityful looks.  Be prepared as you do get them but you learn to accept the situation.  After chemo I continued with Herceptin (for HER2 patients) for almost a year.  I decided to have my ovaries removed so I wouldn't have to take Tamoxifen (didn't like the sound of the potential long term side effects) and so now I take Femara which is an aromatose inhibitor, for at least 5 years.  The side effects of all the meds are different adn although it can be uncomfortable it is in the main doable.  I remember the onc telling me I would hit abrick wall at some point during chemo but thankfully for me I never did.  Radiaition is another treatment that some find difficult to handle but again I was lucky and sailed through that.  I have often said to people that I have suffered more from colds and flus in the past.  I expected this journey to be horrific and I have been fortunate that my experience has been anything but.  The first few days and weeks are the hardest, everyone hears the C word and freaks.  In the past I am sure it was thought of as a death sentence, no-one would survive but that is no longer the case for most people.  The treatments now are amazing.  Yes, this is a life changing experience that I would not wish on my worst enemy but you and your wives will get through this, it will help to make your relationships even stronger, give you all a new perspective on life, you will not take things for granted any longer.  The worst part of this disease is the not knowing if it will ever resurface in the future, it makes making decisions about future plans more difficult but as time goes by it does get easier to accept and start livign your life again. I was diagnosed in May 2008, had surgery in June 2008, started chemo August 2008, radiation Dec 2008 and since then I have been able to resume all my normal daily life activities.  People who do not know me have no idea that I went through this experience, with the prosthetics available I am able to wear most of the clothes I always wore, including bikinis on the beach.  Please tell your wives that they can get through this and continue on their paths through life. Do I think about breast still, yes daily as we are left with constant reminders but once you are dressed you can try and leave that part of your life behind in the bathroom or bedroom.

I, too, was very lucky that I have a super supportive husband who tells me that the scars etc do not matter, it;s the person on the inside that makes the difference.

Good luck to you both, and of course your families.

Gaynor

Healthy_future

My wife had her first TAC chemo last Wednesday. She was alright, a bit tired the first 3 days.

Physically she is feeling a lot better now but emotionally she is a wreck. She is afraid of having to face the next chemo. She has bitter taste in the mouth everytime she eats. Lost 2 kg in 5 days.

She is not a crying type at all but this time she is struggling. She cried in front of her sister and best friend. It is very unsual for her to do this. The first time ever.

I think combination of things that make her feeling scared.

I mentioned about this forum to seek assurance from women that have gone through it.  She will contact a support group and phychologist today.

Maybe I can convince her to join this forum.

karen1956

Healthy.....I did TAC chemo 5 years ago....I too lost weight from Dx and during chemo (but I've now gained it back)....Fear is normal...crying is normal too....any emotions right now are normal....Tell her to try lemon hard candies......Eat anything that tastes good...walk if she feels up to it, even if its just a couple minutes.....Sending her cyber hugs....please let us know how we can help...Karen

Healthy_future

Thanks Karen.

She walk on a treadmill twice a day.

I'll convince her to drive our daughter to/from her school daily so she has something to do.

Sitting around a home I think is not good for her being an activity person she is. She has too much negative thought. She's promised she will fight it so that's good.

I'll get the lemon candies.

Just don't want her to get depressed.

KerryMac

 I think everyone gets depressed a bit during Chemo, it is not the easiest thing to go through!!But it is great that she has your support, I don't know if I would have got through without my husband picking me up off the floor a few times!

See if you can get her to join in here, it really saved my sanity, I think. And she will find great friendships, with people that truly understand where she is at. Even just joining in with a Chemo group will give her some support.

I also saw an oncology psychiatrist during Chemo - anything that will help, right! And exercise is good mentally as well as physically. Can she walk outside at all - I know the fresh air and being "out and about" helped me tremendously. I also walked my daughter to and from Kindergarten every day - it meant I had to be up, and dressed and sometimes it was the only normal conversations I had all day. 

Also just keep stressing to her that she just needs to get through it, and in X number of months the worst will be behind her. We planned a trip for after I finished treatment (just a couple of nights away without the kids), and having something nice in the future to look forward to really helped.

It is a rough time, but keep moving forward and hang in there. She is one down already!

jennyboog

The taste thing is normal, I had it really bad.  I would usually get my taste back and then it was time for chemo again.  Mine was only temporary and my taste buds are back to normal these days, which anyone at the table with me can see .  It took me a while to join here also and took me even longer to start writing, I was "blog stalker" until I finally felt comfortable enough, bc.org gave me hope & came into my life when I needed it.  You're wife is at the hardest part of this journey right now but it will get better.  She needs to take care of her and a group or counselor might be just what she needs.  I pray she continues to stay in fight.  We're here if you need us.