mom just diagnosed

lovingdaughter1234

Hi, i am 21 years old and i just found out. I live 190 miles away from my mom and i am her biggest support. I have a husband and two small children. I want to just get in the car and drive to her but i know i have my resposibilities here as well. i plan on being there for the surgery later this week or early next week. i feel so helpless there is nothing i can really do and i want to hold her hand through it all but i dont want to be a bother either. if i drag a two year old and a 3 month old and have them to take care of how can i really do much to take care of her. i just feel really lost on what to do.

marie5890

Hello Lovingdaugter and welcome.

I am sorry to hear about your mother's Dx. She is blessed to have you as a support. Have you talked to her about exactly what her Dx has been?

"Breast cancer" is a big umbrella term. There are many different kinds, with different characteristics.

Perhaps you can educate yourself about her Dx and be there to offer insight and suggestions. Her mind is probably swirling with all kinds of information, questions, fears, etc.

Talk to her and ask her what would be most helpful to her, and then we can help you support her. I do believe that there is a forum for people who have loved ones who have been Dx-ed 

lovingdaughter1234

unfortunatly she was too upset over the phone to give me very many details. all i know is that tomorrow she is meeting with a surgon and they belive that it may be in her lymphnodes and may have to take both her breasts. I asked my dad and he was not much help either. Another big reason why i would like to be there with her. she is my best friend and i am hers. Im just torn on weither i should go to her or wait a few days till she has her surgery. i asked her and she told me to wait but she always runs to me when im in need and i wish i could do the same i know she is scared and would feel better if i was there.

Letlet

I know logistics are hard but I wouldn't wait, I would try to see her just to provide support. Us mothers, we are built to protect our children from fear, worries, etc. I don't know if you will be able to accompany her to doctor's appts but it is always a good idea that there is another person with her as an extra set of ears. Sometimes we are too distraught to hear what the doctor says, i myself am guiltly of nodding to everything then asking my husband to clarify some things. She might be too scared to ask questions or just don't have enough of the facts to ask these questions. Will she agree to have you compile all her reports if she has not done it yet? Those at least you can do over the phone.