Mums Cancer

fi87

My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer in october 2010. After finding and lump during a self examination she went to the doctor the next day, shes 48. Im her daughter and am 24 years old, I have a 21 year old brother and my dad is 54. Shes since has a lumpectomy and axillary node clearance. Before her op she had a CT scan to see if it had spread and it hadnt. The results from her surgery were that all her nodes were clear (free of cancer) but the cancer was Stage 3 aggressive, apparently its some rare sort that only 5% of people get and isnt hormone responsive. Im so close to my mum, my whole family is. Shes my best friend and the thought of losing her is unbearable. Shes a very strong lady, and she carries on like everything is normal, still going to work everyday, cooking dinner etc. Shes set to start chemo this week. She has to have scans and blood tests before she beings..is that normal? and i know shes going to get really sick and I dont know how I'll deal with that. I dont even know how bad it all really is. Will she die? I cant even begin to think about that. Im absolutely terrified. I constantly tell her everything will be alright and we'll get through it together..but will we really? do people survive this sort of cancer? I have so many questions but I dont like to keep asking her about it. I guess I just need some kind of reassurance or hope that its possible she will survive.

Thank you all so much for reading.

carcharm

fi87-even though I was dx with breast cancer 1 1/2 years ago my mom was dx with it when she was 57. She lived a full 10 years after dx and died from her lung dz COPD. She didn't even give up smoking! Her death was unrelated. There are so many miraculous stories you don't hear about because this website is mostly for people who have reoccurance or problems with their initial diagnosis. It is very good news that your mom did not have any cancer in her lymph nodes and that her scans show no spread. That is awesome. The journey thru treatment is tough but it does prolong life. I am sorry she has cancer and think you are a wonderful daughter for caring so deeply about her. Her prognosis-for  the next 5 years-is excellent. Cancer is just a crazy disease and there are no paths that it follows. It is very individualized for each patient. The fact that it is an aggressive cancer can mean that chemo will respond better to it. The slower growing types grade 1 & 2 do not fare as well in ridding the body of the cancer. Studies show the more aggressive types respond better to chemo. I can only assume they will be doing chemo so hopefully that will kill all the nasty little buggers left after sugery. Try to find peace and relaxation with your mom as the added stress of worry isn't good for either of you.

dlb823

fi87, carcharm gave you excellent advice.  I would also suggest that you might want to look for and maybe post in the Stage III Forum here.  (Click on Forum Index above.)  There are many women there who were diagnosed at the same stage as your Mum and are doing just fine. 

You mentioned that your Mum's bc isn't hormone responsive.  Do you know if it's what is known as Triple Negative (ER-, PR- & Her2-) bc?  If so, there is also an entire forum here for that.  The good news is that there is a brand new class of chemo drugs -- PARP Inhibitors -- that are showing excellent results for women whose Triple Negative bc is even more advanced than your Mum's.  If you go to the very top bar here (the informational section of BCO) and click on Treatments & Side Effects, there  should be some sort of press release information about it. 

You might also want to acquaint your Mum with BCO.  There are threads by the month for women starting chemo, and the February 2011 group (look in the Chemotherapy Forum) would be wonderful support for her.  Going through it with others makes it so much easier.  

Hope this helps, and I think you're a wonderful daughter to reach out as you have for yourself and your Mum.   (((Hugs)))   Deanna

AmyIsStrong

Dear Fi87 - I was just where you are now about 2 years ago. My daugters were 24 and 27 and I was 51. Perfectly healthy, strong, the rock of the family, my daughters' best friend. And then this happened. It was devestating.
The good news is...fast forward two years and I am happy, healthy, back to normal again. I had surgery, chemo, radiation and a year of Herceptin (a specialized medicine your mom may not need). It wasn't easy and no fun at all. But I got through it and my daughters and I are even closer now after going through it together.

Let me tell you first of all - your mom has a lot ahead of her, but that is a GOOD thing. It is GOOD that there is lots of treatment to attack the cancer. She should respond to treatment and have a good long healthy life ahead of her. I told my girls I was going to stick around long enough to be a grandma to their kids (they dont' have kids yet) and a pain in the neck old lady to them all! And I intend to! It feels scary now - I totally  understand. But try to take it a day at a time and use this oppty to love and support your mom and take care of her, just like she has taken care of you all these years.

Here are some things my daughters did to help me. When I was starting treatment, they bought me a little brass ring on a chain - on the inside it was engraved "Always there for you" and then their initials.  I wore that ring round my neck or kept it in my pocket during all my tests and treatments (or any other scary medical thing I had to do)  so I could draw strength from their love even if they weren't there with me.  It wasn't expensive, and you don't have to do that exact thing, but if you can select a special item (even a rock or a shell or a bead) and give it to your mom and tell her it symbolizes your love and support and to keep it with her when she needs it, I think that would mean a lot to her. I know it did to me.

Second, when i was going through chemo, I didn't feel like eating very often. My younger daughter worked on an organic farm at that time. She would pack up a box of treats and produce and come down to see me (they live about an hour away). I wuold be sitting there with my head leaning on my hand, just feeling yucky. Then she wuold come in and say "Ok that's enough. Wipe that sad look off your face, I am here now!" and she would pull all the treats out of the box and whip something up on the stove for me to eat. She was always very upbeat and 'sunny' when she came over, and it really helped make me smile. I'm not saying to be fake, but it really does help if you bring a smile and good energy in to lift her spirits.  One time we took pictures with her trying on my various scarves and hats and making goofy faces - just laughing and fooling around.

They sent lots of texts and emails just to say I love you and I am thinking of you, and how are you doing.  I have to say I got a little spoiled by all the attention.

Time passed and I got chemo behind me, and after that radiation was easy! I think they gradually got used to the idea that I was going to be ok and that this was a temporary thing to deal with.

I know you are so scared now, and my heart goes out for you. I know my younger daughter (who is 26 now) would be glad to write to you if you want to talk to someone else in your position. Send me a PM with your email address if you want and I will give it to her.

Please feel free to stick around on this website. The ladies here are AMAZING - I don't know how I would have made it through without them. Ask your questions, ask for support, share your experiences - you are never alone. It is a wonderful thing in the midst of a bad situation.

In love & support for you and your mom - 

Amy

fi87

Wow, Iam overwhelmed by the quick responses of you wonderful people. Thank you so much for all your advice, its very much appreciated. I will definately mention this site to my mum, she might want to have a browse later on. At the moment, shes trying not to talk about it too much and is just doing whatever the doctors tell her. I think because she doesnt talk about it much we all forget there is anything wrong with her and then all of a sudden it hits and its really upsetting. We going to looks for wigs together, shes has an amazing hat collection and I think shes kind of excited that shes going to have a reason to wear them all the time! I dont understand why things like this happen to the best people! Im so grateful that my mum is a strong person and that im surrounded by loving friends, family and now that I have discovered this forum and uncovered another whole world of amazing, supportive people who have been through the same thing.

Thanks again for taking time to reply, means alot!

MissAnon86

Sending you my best wishes, I am too 24 years old and my Mum has breast cancer.  Reading your story almost made me cry, its so hard and I know how you feel.  Hope your Mum is doing ok, and you and the family xxx

VickiSam

Sad .. sad ..  I am so very sorry to hear about your Mom.  How lovely, and wonderful that she has you, and your sister for support.  Breast cancer is difficult to say the least, so while we newbie's stumble from doctor to doctor, numb from all the information being thrown in our direction .. It is nice to have another set of ears listening, taking notes.  I often brought along a tape record, as my girlfriend and I often had a different set of notes, and information provided at said doctors appointment.   Overwhelming to say the very least.

Notes books for questions to be asked

tape recorders for doctor appointment

Research, data ..  love, and understanding for Mom.

Strength and Courage

Vicki Sam