TRIPLE POSITIVE GROUP

deni1661

Fluff - so very happy to hear your good news!

rjles - your dog is so cute! Your picture brought a big smile to my face 😊

Posey - thanks for sharing such a wonderful testimony of how God brings people into our life to provide comfort and inspiration. I feel that way about everyone in this group!

Bjquilter - this is the best place to express what you are feeling. Let it all out, it's not good to keep frustration or negative thoughts floating around in your head. We've all been there and we're all here to support each other.

Shelabela - so happy to hear you are doing well. I hope your recon surgery is soon so you can get those expanders out.

Hapb - enjoy the holidays with your daughter. There is nothing I like better than time with my kids or grandkids, they lift my heart and bring such joy! Thanks for recommending the PBS show on cancer, I will look for it or get the book. I LOVED the grinch pic!

Coach - you always manage to post a message that lifts my spirits. Today I had a down day, just really tired and all my incisions from revision surgery were more bothersome than usual today. Started feeling sorry for myself because healing isn't going fast enough, my house is a mess, blah, blah. But your post reminded me that on most days I am in a better place than I was before diagnosis. I have more gratitude in my heart, a healthier perspective and so many new friends that bring great joy to each day. There IS life after cancer and despite the setbacks we all experience, we will move forward to the brighter days sure to come.

Elaine, specialk, cherry, KB, lita and all others - may you all have a very Merry Christmas and many blessings in the new year!

Kattis894

I did not get a Christmas tree either but also thinking I should get one tomorrow...:) Last Christmas I was in the hospital getting my mastectomy. This year I am all done with treatment, my hair is back, I work again and I am feeling pretty good..:) so yes, folks it does end! Maybe for that reason I will drag myself up and buy that tree in the morning...:) Wishing everyone as happy holidays as can possibly be wished!

SpecialK

hap - something I did for my mom was to get a pre-lit tree 4' tree from the craft store (Michael's or Hobby Lobby have them), and select her favorite ornaments, and wire them to the tree with fine wire. That way she could just put a garbage bag over the tree and store it until the next year. When the holidays rolled around again, all she had to do was take the garbage bag off and plug in the tree. Made things easier! Maybe a small pre-lit tree would be a good compromise. I am a total weirdo and have 5 trees - but four of them are the 4' size - one is vintage pink and turquoise, the ornaments are from the 50's and were my mom's, one has all the ornaments my children made or received from teachers and grandparents, one is red, white and blue with all our military ornaments and ones from the White House, the outdoor one on the lanai is nautical with starfish and all silver and gold, and a big 10' slim tree in the living room with lots of glass and red and green and more rustic ornaments.

coachvicky

Thank you Deni1661. I appreciate your kind words. My yesterday took a turn down a little. The NUVAIL NAIL SOLN 15ML is $500.00! It is not covered by my insurance. When our pharmacy called, I asked if it came in a big bottle. He said "the bottle is so small that you are going to be really made when you see it." I didn't get it. I will look for an alternative and be grateful that I did not have nail lift. To the person who has no hands, my raggy nails would be a gift.

I implement the 5 minute rule for housecleaning. Before I leave a room, I give it a 5 minute pick up / cleaning. My home is not spotless like before diagnosis but it is presentable. DH bought an I-Robot. It has really helped especially with the dog hair.

Hap ... yes there is so much more to consider that just treatment costs.

I think we are normal and not weirdos, SpecialK! Get the TREE ladies! We sent our nephew in Afghanistan a 4 foot pre-lit tree along with some ornaments. This size is cute and festive. I have 2 on each side of the fireplace. So far I have 3 trees up. We get the big on 23 December and decorate 24 December. Think of all we have to celebrate this year!

Merry Christmas.

Vicky

moodyblues

So it feels different.  My breast, that is.  Emotionally, visually etc.  The stitches are out.  I feel good, just different.

I am 5'1" and HAD breasts that were D's, when I walked in a room, (unfortunately) my breasts were the first thing that entered and the first thing (I feel) that people noticed about me.  I always layered my clothing so that my large breasts would be less noticeable.  I wore a well fitting bra, a snug cami and sometimes a light tank under my shirts.....I strapped those babies down so they wouldn't bounce.  Intelligent, hardworking and determined and yet a dirty blonde with a strut and large breasts is what they saw.  I have lost 8 lbs since dx, and I have a new breast.  I look at it and this is the first time I feel a loss.  Why is that?  Why didn't I feel this way after the mastectomy and only feel this loss now?  

I feel less, not me....not because of the scar, because it's just a scar.  I don't feel like this (body/breast) is me (mine).  Any suggestions from you all who are passed the MX and have the implants now, did you feel like I do now?  What did you do to in order to move past this feeling?

I am feeling more emotional, could it be the Letrazole?  Could it be a snowball effect of all of this?  I am interested in hearing your responses because I am ready to move past this.  

Melanie 

coachvicky

I am sorry, Melanie, that you are hurting.

Please take a look at this site: https://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/

The 5 stages of grief are:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

I will share that getting to this stage on your journey is a great step. It is normal and predictable to grieve. You have lost so much more than a "breast." For me, I lost the safe life I once knew. The next step is up to you. You can get stuck where you are or work to acceptance.

Yes, I have been where you are. One reason I got skin nipples is that the new ones didn't feel right when I showered or DH touched them. I asked DH if he missed my old girls. He said no. He reminded often (when I was were you are) that my breasts were killing me and how great my new ones look. That is what got me to acceptance. These breasts are mine ... bought and paid for. And they won't kill me.

I also reflected on how my life has changed for the better since my cancer diagnosis. I feel free to do all the things I wanted to do but previously held back because of "obligations" (mostly work and owning a business) and such.

You will get pass this. You are stronger than you think.

Keeping you in my prayers.

Love, Vicky

SpecialK

hap - I would bet that the small pre-lit trees are on sale this close to Christmas, which would be extra nice - and maybe it will help lift your spirits and you and your daughter can decorate it together!

rljes

Hab B - I have a small 2 ft fiber optic tree that is just perfect. Plug in and go.  I can leave it on 24/7.  And I put some small lights in the window - strung haphazardly - nothing big, but added a little cheer without any effort.  Hope you can do the same.   

moodyblues

Thank you Vicky, I looked at the site that you mentioned, it's a good reminder.  I do well usually but, maybe it's because the breast is finished, it's done and now I need to move on to something else.  Phantom 'emotional' loss if that makes sense...I feel like it should be there, it was mine.  Time, it will take time.

HapB, Letrazole may be part of the culprit, I cried hard at Walmart over the song by John Lennon 'So This Is Christmas' (what have you done...I fought freaking cancer, that's what I did).  I have written that down as a SE as Vicky suggested a while back.

KB870, Hopefully with time my emotions will go back to a better level!

Thank you everyone for your thoughts on this.

SpecialK

hap - glad you got a tree! Yay! Most oncologists do take funding from pharma, but they also participate in drug trials with these manufacturers, and they also have to report even the lunches the reps provide to the centers. I don't find it problematic that mine takes funding, I feel it helps him stay on top of what is new and upcoming.

deni1661

Hapb - I'm so glad you got the tree. It will create a festive environment for you and your daughter. Celebrate being together!

Coachvicky - sorry the nail solution didn't work out, it sounded so promising. The price is ridiculous.

Melanie - I did not feel a sense of loss like you're experiencing. I was happy to be rid of the breast that could kill me. I am small so I was never attached to them to begin with. I am not quite sure how I feel about my new breast but I think that has more to do with being sore and uncomfortable from my recent surgery. Although sometimes I think my body will never "feel" normal again. I have had constant tightness in my stomach from the DIEP and soreness on my left side under the reconstructed breast since May and I don't like how it feels. I have read that it can take up to a year for this to go away. I think it does take time for us to get comfortable with our new bodies and what you're feeling is part of the process. Hang in there, ((hugs))

I am on Letrazole too and I am starting to wonder if that has something to do with my occasional mood swings. I've been really crabby the last couple of days. I blamed it on being cooped up with my husband for the last 3 weeks but maybe it's not him.

Suburbs

deni1661, I am having the same side effects from Diep 2 surgery. Surgical tape, bandages, gauze, and other wound treatments are part of my daily routine. And yes, it does get you down. I dream of a future that includes bubble baths as it's been almost a year since my last. It's depressing. Who would voluntarily do fat grafting and lipo? Not me!

Chemo first makes surgery second even more of a challenge. I am glad I had no clue the healing process would be so difficult. I was so broken and down at the end of chemo, I might not have done the immediate recon. Then again, I avoided radiation so I should count my blessings. I am an expert on bandaging wounds. Thanks for listening.

I hope you recover soon.

ElaineTherese

deni,

AIs definitely cause mood swings. I was worried about taking Aromasin since I'd always had problems with hormonal changes during PMS and pregnancy. Sure enough, three weeks after I started Aromasin, I was feeling exactly as I did when I was PMSsed. My MO put me on Celexa, and I feel much better.

HapB, have fun with your daughter!

rljes

Yeah HaPB! Even little things help 

rljes

Suburbs - Did I read you right that you are passing on Radiation?  I am planning on not having Radiation as well, since I have skin diseases.  Was this your idea or your RA? (if you don't mind me asking) My RA wants me to go ahead after chemo, but I just don't think its worth it.  Did your RA give you any stats that Rads would change  the chance of occurance?  Thanks - 

Suburbs

Rljes, radiation was not recommended because my nodes were clean and I had a complete pathological response to TCHP. When the pathology came back, no cancer could be found. I'll never know about my nodes because I did chemo first.

Standard care would be radiation if you had a positive node. I think someone else could weigh in on the statistics as I am not informed at all about radiation. That's a very personal choice. I wish you the best in making that decision.

KimCee

wow, miss a day or two...I am so behind.

Hap..enjoy your tree and your daughter. So glad you got the tree.

Rljes, I am not having radiation either. Same reason as Suburbs mentioned. However, my oncologist said that had I had a consult with a RO, the RO would provide rationale that would support it. I just don't think the benefit would outweigh the risk. That is my own opinion.

Deni, sending you hugs for a speedy recovery. I can't even imagine. I am whining over expanders...and I am truly not a wimp. This all totally stinks.

---

coachvicky

Suburbs ...

For what it is worth ... I became allergic to tape. I would break out in a sore rash after a day or two and have to find another place to tape.

I wore tube tops instead of any type of bra during the day and a surgical vest at night.

I took a Carefree thin pad, place it against the wound and the tape side against the inside of the tube top or surgical vest. No more tape on my skin.

When my Plastic Surgeon saw this, he thought it was cleaver but warned to ensure I was using a "pure" material next to my skin. I didn't fully understand that b/c I found nothing "pure" about tape. To be safe, consult your medical team to see if this would work for you.

Vicky

PoseyGirl

Happy holidays, ladies, from my home to yours. I hope you are all surrounded by family and friends and PEACE.

Suburbs

Coachvicky, thank you for the tips on tape. I will check into this. Have a great holiday.

Poseygirl, beautiful picture.

moodyblues

KB870.  LOL.  No problem!  

rljes

Hi Everyone - When I had my BMX - with my sensitive skin issues and Shingle scars, I wore a pillow case against my skin, then the tube top over the pillow case - with a lot of carefree pads to help with the sores and rubbing.  It was a mess, but it was the only way I could tolerate it.  The nice people that made the Tube Tops - made them with ruffles and scratchy material.  

KimCee - I am with  you - I don't think I will be having Rads - but its months away - who knows How I will feel by then. 

PoseyGirl - Oh SO pretty!  Its starting to snow here in the Midwest.  Suppose to get 2-3 inches. Yeah! 

deni1661

Suburbs - sorry to hear you're struggling too. I knew DIEP would be more complex and I need to be more patient with the recovery process. Some days though I'm just so uncomfortable. This too shall pass....I hope that's true for for both of us.

Posey, beautiful picture!

Coach, I love your idea! I break out from some tapes and it seems one or more of my incisions are irritated all the time. I have been putting bee balm on my incisions and that seems to help the irritation. The pads would provide that extra layer of comfort I need plus eliminate the tape issue.

KimCee, you are definitely not whining or a wimp. Those expanders are pure torture. I only had mine in for 10 days so I feel for you having them in much longer. Hugs back to you. Thank God for you girls, you all give me strength and inspiration!

Merry Christmas everyone!

coachvicky

Merry Christmas Everyone!

It was worth every drug, every surgery, every tear, every pain ... to wake up to celebrate this Christmas.

Stay strong.

Love, Vicky

Magari

Good morning, and Merry Xmas to those who celebrate.

Poseygirl - Thanks for sharing the lovely photo.

Coachvicky - Sorry to hear the nail solution was so insanely expensive. I've been rubbing vitamin E oil (cheap stuff from Trader Joe's) into my dry, brittle nails/cuticles and it does seem to help.

Interesting to hear that others also have extreme sensitivity to tape, dressings, etc. I began using Embrace scar therapy, highly recommended by my plastic surgeon on the incisions from my bilateral DTI reconstruction and damaged the skin in attempting to remove/change the silicone dressings. More than a week later, what started as irritation/abrasion has escalated instead of resolving. I am using Aquaphor healing ointment and covering the areas lightly, but it's pretty clear to me that I will not be able to use this product during chemo. And I'm fairly sure that the time window for it to reduce scarring will have closed by the time I finish. Plan to call my surgeon's office next week to discuss.

shelabela

@ Coach have you typed that nail stuff into web? Looks like they have some good programs to help offset the cost for people whose insurance doesn't cover it

coachvicky

@ Shelabela

Thanks for letting me know!

Vicky

Cherry-sw

PoseyGirl, beautiful picture, I love the wreath, so rustique. And snow! It is 5C and raining.

HapB, I hope you are having wonderful time with your daughter, I am glad you got a tree too.

deni, Suburbs, I am sorry about you having post surgery complications. This reconstruction business takes so much time and even if it will give some relief in terms of the new ones will be free from bc, you are unwillingly removing a part of your body and once they are gone they are gone. Hang in, it will get better, it has to, good things must happen to good people.

I have been recovering from my second EC, it is tough, I have one wbc shot left to dotomorrow and on Wednesday I hope I will feel better. Although the nausea period was longer this time despite Emend and other drugs, on Saturday I was about to faint in the kitchen and my blood pressure was 88/43. But I still managed to get some stuff done, yesterday I felt much better and we had Christmas Eve lunch and then the eldest with her BF went to his family and today they came back and I made turkey with gravy, my best so far, and potatoes pre-cooked and fried in butter and honey, they are gone. Very nice of my eldest and her BFwilling to spend time with us. I actually did a lot of cooking and I intend to do more for New Year but I like it and I would rather get exhausted and save the holidays than laying in bed and making is so obvious that I am sick and it gets in the way of us having a normal Christmas. So, the tree is there, a beautiful Nordmann fir, I baked and brined and we had great time playing board games, I am quite happy I managed to do all that even though I felt like ...

Next week I will have a meeting with my oncologist, she wants me to do the last EC and I do not want to, she says my blood work is ok but I say that I cannot get up for three first days and am nauseas for six days, body ache from wbc shots on top of it. We will see.

Merry Christmas, everybody!

Cherry

deni1661

Cherry, I am so happy and proud of all that you've done with your family this holiday! You are pushing through it and I think keeping busy helps. Plus it feels good to participate and I'm sure your family enjoyed all the time they spent with you. I pray the meds help with your nausea and you feel much better soon. I can't believe how much you accomplished with your BP so low. You are indeed a fighter. Hugs

rljes

Morning everyone! 

Cherry-sw - you certainly are a fighter.  Good for you. Gives me inspiration.  I'm so sorry you have nausea. I absolutely hate that feeling, but I've been lucky and not had so much.  More of cramping and stomach aches. 

I've been using VIT E as well on my fingernails and cuticles. (and my incisions) I mix the Vit E with Encerin cream and Aquaphor vasoline, into a gooey paste and spread it all over my body.  including my head! (you can get it in tubs - generic at Walmart) 

Hope everyone is having stress free Week.  I'm going to lay on the couch and binge watch - something/everything.  Take care! Rj