TRIPLE POSITIVE GROUP

coachvicky

Thank you everyone for the support and warm wishes!

Cherry, my psychiatrist never talks to me about getting to normal or a new normal.

He told me that I was trying to "play the same note." He said I must "find a new note."

Vicky

ginger1969

Good morning! This is my first post here and I'm trying to navigate through all the topics. I was diagnosed with IDC in May 2017, had a bilateral mastectomy in June; started chemo in July and I'm wrapping up my 6th round Nov. 3. I guess I've felt like I've proactively been doing "something" to beat my cancer and now I have this overwhelming feeling of Now What??? I am triple positive and will be doing Herceptin for a year. I've managed to stay active lifting weights, walking 4 miles a day 2-3 days a week envisioning killing my cancer cells while I'm doing it.... but still left with the doom and gloom feeling of being shadowed by my breast cancer indefinitely. Side effects have tried like hell to sideline me; but I'm trying to manage it. I started reading After Breast Cancer to help me start to navigate this new phase of my life. How to move on? I guess that's the overwhelming question I have, which probably has no real answer to it. 

shelabela

Coach , Did you have both nipples removed at time of surgery? I had 1 removed and kept 1. Looks funny right now but my PS is going to use part of the 1 left to make the new one. I am excited for this when the time comes. I have seen his work when doing this and it turns out great. They will then tattoo some darkening around the nipple. I told them I wanted them to tattoo little ribbons. LOL.

Good luck and send pictures if you would or want to.

Have a wonderful weekend ladies!

Cherry-sw

Hi ginger1969, welcome to this thread, sorry you had to join the community. You will find a lot of support here, besides we were just talking about how to move on, well at least me, I do it very often, having hard time to accept the diagnosis. I am very impressed by the fact that you were staying active through chemo. What kind of regimen was it? I am in the middle of the treatment and last week I tried to run 200-300 m, not because I wanted to, because I had to, I was on the bridge and it was too windy, my bald head got cold even I was wearing the hat, it was hard, afterwards I breathed like I run a mile and I used to run two miles three times a week before my diagnosis in June. Nowadays I can only walk in the forest. trying a new normal is hard but ladies here who has been around longer claim it is possible.

Cherry-sw

coachvicky, now I start to understand the meaning of bc survivor, it takes years and it changes you completely. I am so tired of all this, I burst into tears several times a day, I feel like I am very old and constantly tired.

T-Sue

Cherry, I responded to you on another thread yesterday, but I wanted to reply again today. I read all of your posts and send you good vibes. I hear you and I commiserate. 

coachvicky

Shelabela

My cancers were too close to both nipples to save the nipples.

My PS used existing skin to form the new nipples.

If you use medical tattooing, you will have repeated because it fads. I am planning on permanent tattoos.

I have seen work where one nipple was used for the other and it looked awesome!

Best wishes for yours.

Vicky

Cherry-sw

Thank you T-Sue, I really appreciate it. On the bright side I learnt a new word, had to Google comisserate. This site is good for me

Cherry-sw

HapB, you are absolutely right, but I cannot pull myself together, I feel like I am either awaiting some bad news or preparing for them. I mean there ate positive bc patients, really, I red another blog and the woman was praised by her husband that she never cried from the day she got diagnosed. And I was like what does she have instead of nerves? The strains of steel? Maybe it is not normal to be paranoid, but not to worry is not normal to me

debiann

Cherry-sw,

We have been dealt a rotten hand. The diagnosis is frightening and the treatments are harsh. No wonder we're a wreck. But we're here. There are worse situations to be in. There are much, much worse diseases to have. Our cancer is likely curable, if not curable at least treatable and we can be around for a long time.

When I was diagnosed, my friend told me that the way to get past the emotional stuff was to not only accept the situation, but be thankful for it. "What, be thankful I got breast cancer?!?!?!?"

But I now understand what she meant. I have found many things to be thankful for. Bad things happen to good people everyday. I'm no exception, but I'm thankful I have cancer and not one of my children. I am more appreciative of wonderful husband who took amazing care of me when I was at my worst. I saw a side in him I may have never seen had I have not gone through this. I'm grateful that I only had breasts amputated, soldiers lose limbs everyday. I even like my job better since cancer. As much as I may complain about my employer (like we all do), they provided me with good insurance and sick days and my co-workers were awesome. I am learning to be more grateful and focus on the good rather than the suffering and worry.

If worry about your future robs you of today, then cancer wins. I still get dark thoughts from time to time, but remind myself to not let cancer win.

coachvicky

What a wonderful, uplifting post, debiann.

I cried when I read what you posted and they were tears of happiness. Cancer has opened my eyes to so many things that I took for granted. I, too, am in a better place and I got a really nice rack out of the deal.

Thank you.

Vicky

BJI

debiann - what a great uplifting post! Gotta figure out how to copy and save it.

HapB - Thank God you are all right! Angels watching over you for sure.

PauletteK

Debian - you got such a wonderful post and point of view of life. Yes we should start count our blessings and I will try to learn appreciate more surroundings family and friends especially to my husband, I pray every day and ask Zhou to give me strength to fight and get through this journey. I will use my experience to help other when I feel well, will try to live a more meanful life because every day is God have been given to me,

debiann

Hap, so glad you are ok. Did you get checked out by a doctor? You may feel ok right now, but whiplash would be common for an accident like this and you want things documented for insurance purposes.

We never know what our future holds. Heart issues run in my dad's side of the family. Before my BC dx I was concerned that I would have heart issues too. I was having palpitations, likely related to menopause. I was so worried about my heart, then I was blindsided by BC. Kind of funny, but it distracted me from worrying about my heart. Now I'm working on just not worrying at all. What will be will be, no sense wasting time trying to predict the future.

debiann

It's amazing how banged up you feel after a crash. Get checked out tomorrow for documentation purposes. I had a similar accident and had lingering effects of whiplash for a long time. I didn't pursue a lawsuit, but insurance covered all my medical expenses.

deni1661

Hapb, wow that accident had to be scary - I'm glad you didn't have any serious injuries. God is watching over you.

Debiann and Hapb thanks for the uplifting posts. I completely agree. I know it sounds weird but cancer has changed me for the better. Yes I complain about the SEs and lately I've been in a funk (I'm much better these last 2 weeks, hormones out of whack I guess) but I start each day thanking God for so many blessings to remind myself of all the good in my life. I'm grateful I got cancer instead of my children and grandchildren. The scars on my body remind me that God gave me another chance at life. I am much healthier than I was before this all started, even with the SEs, lost 40 pounds and kept it off for the first time in 25 years of trying. I walk 3 miles a day to enjoy all of God's beauty and that really helps lift my mood. Reciting my grateful list keeps me focused on the positive more than the negative. I too don't want to spend whatever time I have left being a sour puss. I want to be a good example for my kids and grandkids. You all really provide much needed support and I thank God for this wonderful community. You are all on my grateful list and in my daily prayers. I have never felt more connected than I do with all of the cancer warriors I have met on this journey!

deni1661

Ginger1969, sorry you have to join us but you will find wonderful support and information in this community. You are doing so many positive things through your cancer journey and I think that is key to keep moving forward. The shadow of cancer will follow us all indefinitely but I think there is a great future ahead for us. I think it takes time and determination to find our "new normal". I'm still working on it myself and each day is better. Sometimes I have down days but I'm really trying to keep those to a minimum.

Hugs to you

Cherry-sw

Oh, HapB, I really hope you are all right! Did you sustain any injury? This is truly awful. I am afraid of those trucks all the time, always trying to stay away from them on the road, I am just looking at those thinking how huge they are and that there is no chance to survive a collision with any of these monsters. Please let your physician check you.

Cherry-sw

debiann, I am deeply moved by your post, thank you. I actually red it when I woke up in the morning after I called my husband whether he has landed yet, he was on the business trip this week. Then I red about HapB's incident and just thought, oh, no.

Thank you so much, I really felt better for so many reasons. I understand that the old life is over but I do not know what the new one is supposed to be and how to find the meaning in it and most importantly how to hold to it, where to find this strength. I do not think or believe it anymore, I know that I am a worrying kind, this is completely useless but I worry a lot about what is there to come and that I am not prepared. Your tag pops in my head now and then when all these thoughts consume me. Yours and another one I saw on these boards that is actually Hagrid's quote, from Harry Potter, "No good sittin' worryin' abou' it. What's comin' will come, an' we'll meet it when it does."

I cannot say I am thankful for this bc, I am not, not there yet, I am not sure I ever will be. I am completely shocked I got it, maybe now ,after I have red a lot and start landing in my diagnosis, I understand that I had some risk factors like relatively large very dense breasts, late pregnancies, eating some pholate pills, maybe too much wine consumation, but on the other hand, I was exercising a lot lately, ate a lot of vegetables, we had this combucha mushroom that is considered to possess some anti-cancerogene qualities. So, here I am prepared to do any chemo they offer me and want to know how to prevent it from coming back and feeling no power and no control. And even worse, I regret the past so much, what I did, what I should have done, or that it is gone and life will never feel the same. Yesterday I was looking at the pictures from my birthday three years ago when we took a shorter city trip, I burst into tears that this feeling of security and happiness is completely gone and over and oh, I looked so beautiful. I remember it so well, I asked myself whether I could enjoy it more than I did and I couldn't, it was so perfect. Never in my life I thought that I will be going through all the pictures trying to remember the good old days so soon in my life. My youngest looks so little on these pictures, i am afraid she would not remember much and I may not be around to tell her, my husband's memory is not that reliable. I took my life for granted before and now it is threatened. I keep telling her that I love her and that she always must remember that. I do not know why I am doing it to myself, I want to believe it is a part of the acceptance process.

I also remember you once wrote about a woman in your neighborhood who got hit by a car and died when you got diagnosed. All you wrote about a lot of things being worse than bc is true and I am grateful for what I have but as all of us I am afraid to lose it. I am grateful for all advise and will try, like deni1661, to make a list in my head and to recite it every morning, things I am grateful for, my kids, my husband, for my mom who has stayed with us since my surgery, it must be so hard for her, my job and my manager, for my cat that is there by my side as often as she can with her enigmatic look in her eyes, the fact that I moved to a country that can provide the best available treatment for me, for my oncologist who in spite of me being so PITA , she did very politely admit that the last time, in spite of that she looked at me and said that her one and only goal is to make me free from this disease, and she wished she could give me a 0,000001 risk but she couldn't but in any scenario they will not just let me go. And I am so grateful for your endless patience with my constant ranting and for any token of compassion I will receive in the future.

SpecialK, when we were discussing my further treatment and all pro/cons for starting EC I red to her what you wrote to me regarding my possible treatment change. And my oncologist answer was: well, I am impressed that this lady took her time to write to you a so competent and detailed answer. My oncologist is not just a doctor, she is a consulting doctor, a grade between a specialist and a professor.

Sorry for the rant, again, thank you for your reaction

Bird-of-light

Kim, I had very little neuropathy and it is now gone. I used the elasto gel gloves and booties. You can google the study for instructions. Worked like a charm

coachvicky

Hap ... Please get medically checked after your incident.

Make sure your car is still aligned and the frame is not damaged.

Vicky

KimCee

HapB. Oh my gosh... I must have missed the original post. As Coach said, please get checked and have you vehicle looked at. Glad to see you will see the doctor. Thank God you were one of the miracles that walked away. Sending you hugs.

Thank you Bird of Light. I will look into those gloves and socks for sure.

PauletteK

HapB you should be in shock, did you able to get some shut eyes last night? Yes we are blessed every morning, there are so much crazy things going on, we can get into any kind of accident. Take care your body have it check up please.

Suburbs

Wow. This board has been quite busy.

HapB, please seek medical care to be safe if only to confirm the existence of angels.

Cherry-sw, keep on talking things out. It's therapeutic and should help. Never imagine there is an allotment on how much you can share. There is no score card here. That's what is so amazing about the triple positive board - judgement free zone. It's my life line too.

Debiann,thank you for those words of wisdom.

GlasgowGirl99

HapB I was so sorry to read about your accident. I really hope you are okay and not suffering from any serious after effects?

Cherry-sw I know exactly how you feel. The thoughts about re-occurrence and getting worse are with me too. I try to stop them in their tracks and a lot of the time I do, but there are plenty of days when I can’t shake them off. I am hoping as time moves on the negative thoughts will lessen and the positive thoughts will take over. We are still in the very early stages of coming to terms with our illness. I have to believe in the days and months ahead life will be better for all of us.

I haven’t posted for a while on here as I don’t want to always complain and moan about the issues I have had with my wound. And that’s what I feel I have been doing constantly.

It’s 7 months since my first surgery followed by a 2nd lumpectomy 2 weeks later and my wound still has a dressing on it. It has never healed “properly” and since my radium finished over 2 weeks ago I have been told there is an infection and I am now on 2 different antibiotics. I feel worse now than I ever have since the start of my treatment. And to really rub salt in the wound I am supposed to be going to Glasgow for a few days break next week and have been looking forward to it for so long. Now it looks like my sisters and Mum will be heading off without me.

Ever feel like running away people??? I hope tomorrow is a better day 😔😔

T-Sue

Hap, thank goodness you came out of that accident unscathed! Please let us know how you are doing after a Dr. check and some rest.

Glascowgirl, I'm so sorry to hear that your wound hasn't healed yet. What a pain! Just as you advised Cherry, no limits as to what you can share here! Complain all you like. I hope your double antibiotics knock out that infection and allow you to join your family on a trip.

Cowgirl13

GlasglowGirl, please don't stay away because you think you are complaining and moaning. It is very important to be able to talk and put things out there. Having your feelings and talking about them is exactly what will move you forward.

Cherry-sw

Hi GlasgowGirl99, I am sorry your wound wouldn't heal. What does the doctors say? Radiation does certainly not help the healing process, I red about it, it takes longer time. And I am sorry you are not able to go to Glasgow because of that, a trip may take your mind out of this bc thing, I hope you can join your mon and your sister the next time. Please moan and complain here as much as you want, I am doing it to often as it seems but only when I really have to pour it out which gives you an idea how I really feel and I am on a mild anti-depressive, maybe I need some heavy stuff. If I could choose I wish it never happened to me and my family but it did and I want to understand how I can make the best of this situation and so far I have not figured it out how to do it. I mean I have been given advise and I know in theory but I am still not there but I am trying because there is simply no any other way. I hope your wound will heal soon and I am sorry you are feeling low, hang in there, clouds move, there must be some better days ahead.

I always feel like running away, driving actually. When I drive to an appointment or to the store I always think if I could just keep driving somewhere for really long time and come to another city away from all this stuff.

Hugs from chilly Stockholm,

Cherry

Cherry-sw

HapB, did you see your doctor? I hope you have not sustained any injuries, please keep us posted

coachvicky

About moaning and complaining ...

What a wonderful supportive forum to pour everything out! No one judges us here because everyone can understand what the 3+ journey is like.

The Nurse Practitioner on my MO Team shared that she thought the 3+ treatment was the hardest of all cancer treatments because it lasts so long. It is. For me it was 2 months of surgeries and healing. Afterwards the chemo time was 22 August 2016 thru 14 Aug 2017. Doing ANY medical treatment for that long would have moaning and complaining as a side effect!

Bring it on! Pour your hearts out.

Vicky