February 2011 chemo pals

mamaoftwo

SpecialK  - That's even better!  Interesting to hear about it.

jenn_h

Surgery went well but the sucky news is that it is bc mets... I guess more chemo to come, but will have to consult w the bc oncs

MamaV

Oh Jenn!  Darn it!  Prayers for you!  Keep us posted!

dragonfly1

Jenn_h  I'm so sorry to hear that:( I can't believe it after everything you've been through already...please let us know what your treatment will be. Big hug going out to you right now!

ruffy

Big hug Jenn. I'm so sorry youre in my thoughts and prayers.xo

SpecialK

Jenn - Oh man, I am so sad to hear this.  Glad the surgery went well, and please let us know what the plan is going forward.  Hugs and prayers to you.

dogeyed

Ye gads, Jenn, that's such terrible news, what a pain.  We all care about you so much and hope the best for you in future treatments.  At least you've now been operated on, that's one good thing.  GG

pejkug3

Jenn - I'm so sorry to hear it's mets!  Sad and shocked.  Please update when you know what happens next.  I think about you all the time.  <hug>

jenn_h

Discharged today and almost home... Yay, nothing like the comfort of home. I have follow up for staple removal the day before thanksgiving, will be meeting w the breast onc then to c where we go from here.

MamaV

Sending lots of prayers your way Jenn!

mamaoftwo

Jenn, So sorry to hear that you have not good news.  Will be thinking of you and hope you can get through this stage smoothly, and move on to recovery.

SpecialK

Jenn - please know I am thinking of you so often.  I am hoping that you are comfortable after your surgery.

thefuzzylemon

Jenn - sending you love and healing thoughts. Please post often. Keep us updated. We're here and will be with you at all times.

dogeyed

Everyone, seems like I recall some of you all saying you found yourselves losing your temper with people sometimes.  Well, I got that way with a friend of mine in an email, they had said how they couldn't visit me because I was having my "issues," and I presume they meant cancer, but then I went on and on about how I couldn't help it if I was a disabled person and broke my back in three places (never mind the cancer) and the government paid me to stay home, and I did not like coming and going at all, and I went on and on.  It's like I was being defensive about myself.  And I feel sure they were politely referring to my cancer, but I took it all wrong.  Sigh.

You see, when this email went on, it was the same day we had to put our second dog down (the first one had to go day before my surgery this summer), and I was very stressed out, and we had had to carry this dog around everywhere, just like our first one, even after radiation and the burn and everything, and it was just so tough.  And I wish now I could delete parts of my email where I was so defensive, but it's gone now.  And talk about sad over losing the second of our team of two, our two dogs within months of each other, all whilst in cancer treatments, and I THINK that's why I goofed things up.  So, I write all this, thinking you all might understand and tell me it's okay.  Only my cancer sisters really know what hell we all went thru.  GG 

ruffy

Dogeyed, it's okay I had a massive meltdown, rage, over react with manager at work last week

Looking back, it was crazy and I wish it didn't happen, but at the time, omg, I was furious! Thankfully she's my best friend and just listened to me and let me get it off my chest. But I get it, I have a short fuse and honestly used to have the longest ever! I go back to work part time dec. I'm a bit nervous and anxious. No more eating Bon bons watching soaps! Lol.

Dogeyed, I don't think you goofed up, you had lots on your plate. We've been through an incredible amount of stress and the loss of your dogs during all this couldn't have been easy. I'm sure your friend understands, and if they don't I guess could email back or call and express your feelings.

But don't beat yourself up over it. And I totally get where you're coming from

xo

MamaV

Count me in the overreacting group!  I sent a text to my hubby last week instead of screaming at the accounting girl at our office.  Good thing I sent it to him b/c if I said one word to her, I was going to punch her in the face!  Talk about a short fuse!  I was never like that before!

dogeyed

Thanks so much Ruffolo and MamaV.  Right after I posted here, I emailed back to my friend and apologized if I was so defensive and went overboard, and they immediately emailed back and said they hadn't taken anything I had said in a negative way.  So, thank heavens they understood.  I appreciate you all's personal stories on this thing, too, of being so wired that freaking out has become a side effect of cancer.  On my dog being gone and being dogless altogether now, the silence in our home makes my heart hurt.  Gandalf and Goldwyn are in a meadow somewhere, following a scent into the woods, tracking it to their hearts' content, and not feeling all the aches and pains I feel in my body.  God bless their hearts and souls.  And bless everyone here for being my chemo sisters, the ones I can come to with my failings, my sadness, but also my hope for a better day.  GG

thefuzzylemon

GG - I'm so glad it worked out so well for you!  You can put me in the captains chair of that boat!  I'm now working with mindful meditation and medication management to try and get CLOSE to the "center" I once had!!  I'm so lost right now so .... had to get a little help

This is our safe place - say it all without having to explain ourselves!!  We have unconditional love darlings!

HUGS!

thefuzzylemon

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! You are all in my thoughts today.

XOXOXXXXOOOO

EmilyInOntario

I have been catching up on all your posts as I have been away from the board for some time trying to get my head together after all the endless cancer treatments and side effects and just trying to get back to what life was like " before". Unfortunately, if any of you have tried this approach it doesn't really work as things will never be the same. I am so grateful to all of you for sharing your thoughts and feelings and so distressed to hear that one of our February sisters is now dealing with mets. As for me ( for those of you who remember me) I am still dealing with some neurological weakness in my legs and just finished physio for lymphedema but my taste buds came back about a month ago so I am eating well again ( had lost 23 pounds) The newest development is the chemo induced catarcts so I have more surgery to look forward to. I sure can relate to having a low tolerance to annoyances, whatever their source. I have the insurance claims nazi coming next week to "see" me ( his questions couldn't be asked over the phone apparently) and it was all I could do not to tell him to screw off and leave me alone. I suppose the Insurance Company wants to see for themselves if I am faking my cancer and am in cahoots with the oncologist so she'll write false reports. I have my mammogram and MRI coming up which I am so nervous about.  Anywho, I am so glad to see the February group keeping in touch and I expect to be here more often. Wishing all of you the very very best...

jenn_h

Hope everyone had a good thanksgiving. Mine was a little difficult as we usually travel to my family in Michigan. I really missed seeing everyone, the huge meal, and black Friday shopping! My husband made dinner, turkey and all. I was pretty impressed but it just wasn't the same. My surgical wound got infected (of course!!!) so I have a big hole in my tummy. Visiting nurses come daily to stuff it..yuck! I still need to make appt w onc to see what we're goin to do, don't know if I can start more chemo till this hole heals...ugh!

SpecialK

dogeyed - I am so sorry about your other doggy!  My BIL (a veterinarian) and family just lost their only dog - a Maltese that was a real noisemaker - their house is very quiet and they are heartbroken too.  It is so hard. 

Emily - Hi!!!  Missed you - of course we remember you!  Sorry to hear about the LE and neuro issues.  I too have LE and it is indeed a pain (in the arm!)  Sorry about the cataracts - are you taking Tamoxifen or an AI - I had read that cataracts can be a rare SE from that as well.  Just tolerate the insurance person, it is all we can do right?  Glad you made a return to posting - we all need each other!

Jenn - Sorry about your wound, scary for you and an inconvenience too.  You are probably right - they won't begin any chemo until you are healed because you will stop healing while on it.  Has anyone mentioned hyperbaric treatment to speed up the healing?  Just a thought.  Sorry you couldn't travel and enjoy the normal Thanksgiving.  My BMX last year was the first weeek of November, and then found out that I had pos nodes the next week - I had a very quiet T-Day with just my DD and DH.  I know what you mean - nice, but not the same.  I hope you are feeling better soon.  I was glad to see your post as I have been thinking of you every day.

EmilyInOntario

Hi Special K!! ...and thanks for mentioning the association between Tamoxifen and cataracts. I guess I missed that when I last looked up the side effects of Tamoxifen. I stated Tamoxifen August 1 so have only been on it a few months. The optometrist suggested it ( the cataracts) could be from the chemo but sounds like Tamoxifen could also be contributing? I just turned 55 so had not expected cataract problems for many years yet...:(

SpecialK

emily - I had read another post somewhere - where specifically escapes me but I will try to find it - from a member who had been diagnosed with cataracts attributed to Tamoxifen.  Is this something that looks like it needs to be corrected by surgery?  My Dad had it and did beautifully.  My MIL had both eyes done (in separate surgeries) and has better vision than she has in many years.  I just turned 55 too!

EmilyInOntario

Special K..the optometrist said she could not predict how fast the cataracts would progress. I had gone to see her as I knew my vision was getting worse. She was ready to send me to the surgeon for a consult but I requested we leave that until after Christmas. I can still see well enough to drive but if it suddenly gets worse I'll have to do something sooner and stop driving.

 

dogeyed

Gosh, JENN, now you have a hole in your abdomen!  Good grief!  Oh, I would absolutely die if that happened to me.  And the wound treatment these days is better but downright gory.  When is enough enough?  I do not know how you maintain your strength thru your trials and tribulations, you are a shining example to us all, not to mention you just plain shine anyway.

EMILY, sorry to hear of your endless struggles on the leg, lymphedema arm, and eye fronts.  On the cataracts, I've had the beginnings of them for years, can't see a dang thing riding in the car at night with the headlights and all.  Perhaps when your insurance lie detector comes, you will trip over the coffee table and spill refreshments on him.  Hahaha.  Me, I'm on disability, and I always figured if the SS ever came to my door, they would run for the hills when they saw me, I am decidedly NOT attractive anymore, I put off baths, I lurch rather than walk, and of course the hair loss is a nice touch, along with my polka-dot pajama uniform with low-cut tank top revealing portions of my shark bite.

Thank you SPECIALK for my doggie condolences.  Our vet handwrote on a sympathy card to us these words, "Losing our pets certainly takes its toll on those who consider owning a dog a spiritual experience."  Wow, really touched me, that he KNOWS about the highly personal nature of relating to dogs.  Our other dog, Gandalf, who passed in summer, I felt his presence for a couple days after Goldwyn was gone, he was trying to reassure me...  We will wait until January before we dive in again with another new pup.  That's when we're going to finally clean the house.  I hope I can regain some of my lost strength.

FOLKS, it's been real, but this fool cancer thing has really wrenched our lives right out of alignment, and I like Fuzzy's ideas on meditating... I have several ways, and the best one is to walk along a path in the woods.  One of my neighbors has a small pine forest across the dirt road between our properties, and sometimes I'll walk up into the edge of it, just to feel the sacredness of nature all around me.  Always wanted to plant a small group of pines down by our creek, so I could do just that on my own land.  And wanted to make a path so we could get another German Shepherd Dog, a way made of perhaps of smooth gravel beside the fence, weaving thru plantings alongside it, so I could get him "in the zone" with the long steady walks that breed needs.  We'll see.  Come January along with cleaning my house, I want to do a few things in the yard...  how far I go depends on how good my strength gets.  But I think we will indeed have to go to a smaller breed, we're in our 60s and so carrying our two sick arctic dogs around this year was mighty tough.  GG   

EmilyInOntario

Dogeyed..you may have given me an idea..haha..I will make sure the refreshments are scalding hot coffee..*L* 

And sorry to hear about your doggie. I lost my beloved dog 3 years ago..ironically to cancer. She would have been such a comfort to me through my own struggle with cancer. She was such a loving and devoted dog and I miss her greatly.

thefuzzylemon

Good morning all! It is comforting to be here and I need a little help for my sisters...

1. I'm having serious withdrawals as I try to get off of my antidepressants...scares the crap outta me that I'm messing up my head.

2. Does anyone have any info on the pros and cons of removing ovaries and having a hysterectomy? It might be in my future here soon.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

mamaoftwo

Fuzzylemon,

When you have a hysterectomy or oophorectomy and estrogen levels decrease, one of the risks is that you can develop osteoporosis.  I think that doctors usually recommend a bone scan every year or every two years to keep track of bone density levels.  Plus there are other side effects, like losing elasticity of skin and dryness you-know-where but, like anything else, you need to weigh it with your risk of cervical or ovarian cancer, and reducing risk of future breast cancer.  Hope this helps.

Laura

dragonfly1

fuzzylemon Hang in there with the withdrawal off those antidepressants! As far as the removal of the ovaries, I've had that discussion with my Gyn and MO since I'm ER+/PR+. Their answer to me was that they don't advise it unless there is a compelling reason i.e. further GYN problems or a recurrence that warrant it. They told me that the ovaries continue to protect your bones and heart and therefore still play an important role.Are they suggesting removal of the ovaries or a hysterectomy for you?  

Emily Good to see you back here again. Sorry about the eye problems. My eye doctor warned me about both cataracts and retinal detachment risk with Tamoxifen although the risk is small.

Dogeyed So sorry you are dealing with the loss of another family member/pet I'm more of a cat person but I can relate. I lost my last cat several years ago and I still haven't gotten over it. I can't even bring myself to get another cat yet because I miss her so much. You've suffered so much loss this year. We all deserve a better 2012!!!