I'm not losing my mind and I'm not crazy

Racquel

Which is the distinct impression I get from both onc's I've seen.  It started last summer (June/July) with pain under left armpit.  That was my BC side but SNB came back neg.  Original onc (male) said "nothing wrong, don't feel anything, but I believe you" -- with this "crazy lady" look of pity on his face.  I ignored it and finally couldn't take it anymore to went back to original onc (woman) that I saw in the very beginning.  I only switched to be in a bigger city with more services.  She flipped cuz he hadn't even done bloodwork since before surgery.  She also ordered an MRI.  Don't have a baseline one because male onc never ordered one.  Fast forward to about Oct. and MRI comes back with 2 suspicious nodes according to 1 rad but then according to rad that did follow-up US he said he didn't think it was anything.  This is the same rad who told me he'd suggest a second opunion from the University or Mayo.  Well, my insurance refuses to allow a referral.  Fast forward to now.  I had a gyn visit Friday which resulted in an endo biopsy because he barely touched the ovary and I was in tears and severe pain.  Cervix was also tender.  OK, that could be an infection so I'm not worried about it in the least.  But I've tripped down the steps a number of times since about October.  Day before yesterday I fell into the garage from the house door.  I've had pain in my hips which I managed to ignore and use OTC's for but they aren't working anymore.  I sleep in the recliner with legs pulled up or I can barely walk in the morning.  It's gotten bad enough in the past 3 weeks or so that I avoid going upstairs unless I have to because I get 1/2 way and gotta stop.  I'm hobbling around the house like a 90 year old.  this morning I could barely get up off the floor.  I HURT!  It is no longer just a nuisance it's affecting me daily.  I've got pain shooting down into my femurs.  My low back has me about in tears.  The pain in my hips keeps me from walking well.  The chiro keeps telling me to ice.  It hurts to sit, it hurts to lay down.  I'm nauseated from it most days.  And on top of it all the gyn said given strong family history I really need a CT and then MRI of hip/low back/pelvic areas.  He said he wants it ASAP and said go to internal med doc.  Do you think I can find one?  I was actually told yesterday by a nurse that they are no longer accepting patients that need pain management.  I don't need to manage my GD MF pain!  I need to know why most days I am in tears because I hurt so bad.  I've tried to tell onc but her nurse calls back and says they don't deal with pain management.  Please tell me this is normal and I'm not losing my mind.  The gyn I saw looked at me and said "I believe you".  That meant more than anything I've heard in the past 20 months.  I just can't live like this anymore.  My shrink upped my head meds.  I've doubled my seroquel just to sleep at night.  I sleep well and get enough but most days I find myself dragging ass.  This is no way to live.  I was active before all this crap.  I had a very physical job working third shift.  I was in great shape.  I could run circles around my kids.  Some days are really good and I've got lots of energy but those days are getting fewer and fewer.  I've got an appt tomorrow with a female internist and I'm hoping she takes me seriously.  The nurse I spoke with yesterday told me they'd be "willing" to take x-rays but that gyn can do the CT and MRI.  The gyn said right out that he's not an expert in any area except female organs and wants me to see internal med doc.  The nurse I talked to today (another interist) said he's booked 6 weeks out but I could feel free to see his NP.  When is enough enough?  I'm ready to give up the fight and just live with the pain.  My fear is that they missed something.  My fear is that having gotten progressively worse since last fall that if there's something wrong it'll be too late.  I'm trying not to think about it but I just can't live like this.  I'm currently unemployed and looking for a job but I can't sit for too long and I can't stand for too long.  I'm screwed.  Not sure what to do.  Any words of wisdom?

pinkribbons2

Racquel you're definitely not losing your mind.  You HURT and nobody's listening to you!  I have had the same thing from my docs and it's VERY frustrating.  I had a TRAM flap breast recon almost a year ago and still hurt 24/7 but my doc says 'there's nothing I can do and I'm not giving you pain meds'.  I don't want pain meds, I want ANSWERS.  You know they say the squeaky wheel gets oiled.  I would call whichever onc you have the most faith in and demand they do something to figure out why you're having this pain, why you're falling, etc.  I understand how frustrating and depressing it is to once have an active life and then end up in constant pain.  I'm having the exact same problem as you with finding a job...can't sit for long and can't stand for long.  I don't think I gave you any words of wisdom whatsoever, but I'm validating your feelings, and I hope it means something to you.  It means the world to me when mine get validated.  Call those doctors....not til you're blue in the face, but until THEY are.  You deserve better treatment and consideration and need to be believed when you say you hurt.  Prayers for you and most of all I hope you find your answers very soon.

Racquel

Thank you ... the validation means more than words of wisdom.  My mom asked me this morning if I drop things.  Yep and my handwriting has changed -- it's gotten even sloppier than it was.  LOL  She said "have you asked the doc if you could be in beginning stages of MS".  Uh NO!!!  That's not even something I will entertain a thought of.  Not with everything else.  I couldn't be lucky enough to win the medical lottery with a double whammy!  As it is my left eye has changed enough since a year ago that I can't read the computer screen or a book without glasses.  Right eye had no change.  Odd!  I've deteriorated in the past 3 to 4 weeks to the point that I don't want to go out.  I don't want to leave the house.  I take drugs for nerve pain in the chest.  I take drugs to sleep at night.  I take drugs to keep me going throughout the day.  I take drugs to keep the estrogen from my chest tissue.  I take drugs to keep my mind sane.  I don't want any more drugs.  I want it fixed.  If I get nowhere tomorrow then I'm going to top of HMO to beg for a referral to the university.