Sister diagnosed with breast cancer

peck81

Hi everyone,

Just before Christmas my only sister was diagnosed with breast cancer. She will be 32 in March, I will be 30. We are from Auckland, New Zealand (*waves*). She has a loving husband, a beautiful 5 month old boy and both of my parents are still here, so she is surrounded by people that love and support her, and will help her through this.

I don't know anything about cancer, and my understanding of what my sister is going through/going to go through is limited. I'll try to get the story right below.

She had a partial mastectomy and the lump was removed - thankfully no further cancer showed up in the CT scan, although it is a grade 3 cancer so they will be pursuing an aggressive round of chemo to be certain they caught it early enough.

My big question is around the chemo. My sister has asked if I will take her to her first session on Tuesday next week, which of course I will do. I have no idea what to expect - is she allowed to take things into the room with her? Can I go into the room with her? How long will she be in there for?

I realise the last question is probably different for each person, so mainly I just want to know if she can take an "activity bag" or something in with her. In the very least, I want to crochet her a little squishy comfort-y toy, to give her something to hold on to if I can't be there for her.

Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can put in the activity bag, or suggestions on what we should expect on Tuesday?

Thanks in advance - I'm a scared little sister but trying to be brave for my best friend and big sister.

JanetinVirginia

Hi Peck - I'm bumping this so more will respond.

I haven't had chemo so I only have second-hand knowledge.  I've read people take books, magazines, portable DVD players, ipods, etc.  You could call  your sister's oncology practice to ask - usually there is a nurse navigator of some type who can answer questions.

thenewme

Hi Peck,

You're an awesome little sister!  

When I started chemo, I was really surprised at how uneventful it was.  I'm not sure exactly what I had expected, but I was terrified.  They access your port (or insert an IV), usually do a blood test real quick to make sure all your counts are good, then they start the pre-meds and then chemo.  At my center, visitors are allowed and encouraged.  One of the premeds for me was Benadryl, which made me very sleepy, so I actually fell asleep for a while.  The first chemo session was the longest, I think for me maybe 5 or 6 hours total, and most of it was just sitting!  Hardly the dramatic experience I was afraid of.  At least for the first session, I don't think I'd bother bringing too many things along.  Maybe a water bottle and some very light reading (I enjoyed reading the tabloids that I otherwise never have inclination to read!) -  nothing that requires much focus or thought.  If your sister likes music, maybe an ipod.  Mostly it will probably be nice for her to just sit and visit with you. 

My best advice is to try not to take things personally.  She may want to talk a lot or sometimes not at all.  Sometimes she may seem obsessed with cancer and sometimes she may want not want to even think about it or mention it.  She may want to discuss lots of details with you, or she may keep most things to herself in an attempt to shield you from the pain.  Hopefully your relationship is comfortable enough to understand each other's needs for sharing and also needs for not sharing.  

Anyway, thanks so much for being there for your sister.  My sisters were there for me, each in their own way, so I know your sister will appreciate your support!

Stick around here - there's lots of really practical advice and support here for you and her.  Best of luck!!

Anonymous

Hi Peck,

I haven't been through chemo - yet (I will be doing it soon) - but wanted to say I think you're great, what an amazing sister you are to be so proactive in helping your big sis.

I don't have a real sister - one brother, who has been awesome but not the same as a female sibling I guess - but I have found many, many wise and amazing and brave 'sistas' here. Its great you're here, maybe your sister would like to visit too - the support and information I've gained in just a couple of months has been invaluable.

Go girl power - magic sister power!

peck81

Hi everyone,

Thanks so much for your replies and words of support. There is some great advice here - will definitely sort out an ipod for next time, I think she'd like that.

The first chemo session was yesterday - there was a bit of jostling in the support crew over who got to take Jess to the session, and in the end I bowed out of the race. My mother was campaigning hard and in the end I thought it really doesn't matter who was with her, as long as she had someone. I packed her a very small bag to take - one small crocheted heart to sit in her hand (aptly named Mr Squishy Heart) and a lovely tube of luxurious hand cream. Jess was chuffed, and grateful for Mr Squishy Heart. He went right on in there with Jess and Mum.

I spoke with her this morning and so far, so good. She said she's feeling about 7/10 which sounds pretty good to me. We're all awaiting updates from her, ready to pounce if/when she needs us. It's her call though - we'll just be taking our cues from her.

We are really lucky in our relationship - she is my best friend and I've always looked up to her. I'm quite in awe of how she is soldiering through this so far, long may it continue. I'm just glad that I can return the favour of a lifetime of handholding and be there whenever and however she needs me.

Thanks again for your tips and support, I'll definitely be hanging around and trying to learn from other people's experiences. Magic sister/sista power all the way!! )