MY best friend mom-it's bad

gillianna

My best friend/second mom is getting worse.  Her doctor finally admitted to me that she has skin mets (I think really bad and in many places) and he told me the lump in her arm that I kept pressing him about (18.65cm) was more than likely a tumor (before he said he will keep a eye on it).  Her arm is swelling and she is in so much pain.  I have been researching so much stuff for her and by reading the outcome is not good.  The doctors said there is no hope of a treatment to cure but they could try to prolong her life.  But they also talk 6 months down the road, then try this treatment or another.  I truly believe that she does not have 6 months.  I don't think she even knows how serious this whole cancer thing is.  She does not even have a will or medical papers to help her with decisions if she gets sick.  Some of her family is already talking about what they want of hers when she dies. I get so upset over this.  She lives 1000 miles away.  I talk to her a few times a day.

Today after I talked to her doctor it finally hit me that I am going to lose her and I feel so selfish for feeling so destroyed by this thought when she is the one suffering.  I lost my mom from pancreatic cancer in 2002.  It happened so fast.  My kids love my friend more than anything and I don't know how they are going to take the loss of her.  They know she is sick and not getting better.  They talk to her all the time.  I am going to try to see if she can come up for a visit to get away and just chill out and be surrounded by people who love her but I am not sure she will.  Her doctor and I feel she should not be working but she wants to work full time and I worry it will make her weaker and sicker being exposed to people sick in the winter.

She is supposed to go for tests in the next few days and see a cancer surgeon, not sure of what they might be able to do.

I guess I just feel so lost.  I finally broke down and cried today and I have been trying so hard to be strong for her because everyone else is so depressed around her and cries when they see her which flips her out.  I don't know what to do anymore.  Cancer sucks big time.