I say yes, you say no, OR People are Strange

Bren-2007

Good Afternoon Everyone!

Happy anniversary to all our brides.  Tim and I have been together for seven years.  He's a helluvalot better man than any of my husbands ever were.  I am so grateful we were together when I was diagnosed and went through treatment.  The only time I've ever seen him cry is when he was removing my bandages after my surgery.  It just about broke my heart.

Beautiful weather today ... upper 80's and everything is so green!  I'm almost caught up on the mowing, just have one more field to do down below.  It's so pretty down there, it looks like a park.

Just got back from having a chest xray and bloodwork done.  I'm a little nervous about the xray.  Hopefully, I'll know something in the next day or two.

Linda .. Sure glad to hear some of your DH's health issues are resolving.  I just love that guy ... he was a saint to put up with all of us last summer!  And he was a wonderful photographer to boot!

Mary .. Made me nervous too when I saw the mods posting.  I'm glad it was for a recipe and not something else.

Blue .. I'm sorry you're still in so much pain.  When do you see the pain management doctor?

hugs to all,

Bren

1Athena1

Jancie - lol! My thought too.

Join us for a drink, Mods.

YramAL

Bren-Why the chest x-rays and bloodwork? I get nervous about every single medical test I have these days. Time before last when I visited my onc, the nurse led me to a different area of the clinic. It was the area where blood draws were perfomed. I thought something was wrong with my bloodwork from the week before and they were going to draw more blood. Turns out, my oncologist's exam rooms were now in that wing of the office..I just about fainted with relief, and my blood pressure reading was really high that day. Oh, for the days when I was ignorant and stressfree about medical stuff.

Mary 

YramAL

I forget the east starts drinking much earlier than us Pacific Northwesterners. It's only 2:30 here. But I think I'll still have a margarita.

Mary 

suzieq60

No work for me today - we have a holiday for our annual 'state fair' type thing in our city. The country comes to the city - lots of animals, rides, food etc. It runs for 10 days. We don't go since the kids grew up, so I get a nice rest instead of work.

Anonymous

jancie, athena - chuckle, chuckle, chuckle....me too!  It wasn't ME, I haven't even SENT a pm and deleted most of my posts so they can't get reported either!  ( except here in my homeroom)

YramAL

I think we're kind of under the microscope because of our visitors. 

Mary 

QuinnCat

Gardengumby  a good friend of mine is a realtor in Seattle (Shoreline!) and he says things have picked up.  We spoke Sunday, but not about this, but maybe 6 weeks ago, he was telling me the supply of houses is less than usual.  Either the banks aren't forcing tenants out of foreclosures and/or those with underwater mortgages aren't selling, so demand exceeds supply.  Houses are being bid up. Doesn't hurt that mortgage rates are at historic lows.  Good luck with selling your home.

Ok - when do I really really want a husband?  When I have to remove 3 feet of snow.  Luckily, this last winter, during my dx, BMX, etc., we got barely any snow and I was out of town getting treated when it all hit (so the neighbor took care of it).   I wouldn't mind help paying the bills.  Sometimes having a partner just helps with with the day to day stuff.  I know, sometimes not.

Susie -  just before my BC dx,  I remodeled my house (and ofcourse, it went over budget and wiped out my savings - argh).  So I will tell my Contractor how my house no longer stays cool or stays warm since he did this or that and he starts telling me how hot his house is!!  WTF?  I finally said to him the difference is I didn't pay you to fix your house.  That "me too" stuff is frustrating!

suzieq60

Kam - LOL - I actually try to do it to him every now and again, if he complains about something, I come up with one too - he doesn't seem to notice though.

3monstmama

Lindasa late to the party but YES YES YES!!  I had the same feelings reading Rand---such negativity and selfishness that I couldn't stand it.

 Other than that, Hi to all   dealing with parent treatment stuff and difficult boses so not much time to chat but just sticking my head in to say Man the Ignore Buttons and full steam ahead!

suzieq60

3monst - good to hear you are ok. My review was ok for the last quarter but has been over shadowed by the earlier trouble - I'm thinking of fighting it.

1Athena1

Nice to see you, 3monst!

alexandria58

Hi all:  Thanks for the good wishes. My poor DH had to work until late, so we had a quiet dinner at home and watched old Daily Shows.  

     Looks like I may be doing hand surgery after all.  Bother.

Anonymous

3monst - good to see you.  Yes, the ignore buttons have gotten quite a work out.  Hope all is well with Your Gang.

Alex58 - yuck, hand surgery. Can't remember ( 5th year of Arimidex, NOT age) have you tried physical therapy?

Mary, also think having a "disrespectful & unkind" poster around now might increase the scrutiny, trying to be good

We got RAIN RAIN RAIN last night.  "oh, frabjous day, caloo calay, (s)he chortled in her joy."

gardengumby

Seattle is having another hot (for us) week.  If more people had AC it wouldn't affect us so badly, but there are a fair number of people who moved here expressly because they DO NOT LIKE HEAT!!!!.  Yesterday my husband and I went to a meat market that's in our downtown farmer's type market (It's called Pike Street Market for you non-Seattleites).  Anyway, the only other customer there at the moment was really really cranky about the weather.  She kept saying "It's too f**king HOT!"  She was a kick in the pants.    I told her she lived in the right place for 10 months out of the year, and she said "Yes, but it's too f**king HOT right now!!!!"   (Yesterday got to 85, today it's supposed to reach 87 and Thurs and Fri into the 90's).

When I was first diagnosed with a herniated disk, my hubby went with me to the physical therapist so she could show him how to adjust my back painlessly (no jerking or crunching allowed!!! ).  A couple days ago, he said that he thought maybe the pain I've been having is due to my back even though the presentation is completely different from my "normal".  Anyway, he's adjusted my back morning and evening for the past 3 days and I am SOOOO much better.  I can walk at much closer to my normal speed, and have once again begun my morning exercise routine!!!  Well, I've got to work my way back into it, but still...  I am a happy happy camper!!!!

I used the suggestion for zuccini au gratin last night.  THANK-YOU!!! 

bluedahlia

Garden,, can I borrow your husband?

Patiently waiting for tomorrow and hopefully I can jump for joy!  Wish me luck!

Bren-2007

Blue ... What is tomorrow?  Do you see the pain specialist?  I hope you'll be jumping for joy soon ... and that you get some relief from your pain.

Gumby ... Your husband sounds like a keeper!

Athena ... The chest xray was because the PCP heard wheezing in my lungs.  And the blood work is just normal stuff, plus thyroid and anemia check because of all my weight loss.  I think I find out about the chest xray tomorrow.  I have to admit ... I'm nervous about it.

Sunnyflowers ... So glad you got rain.  We could really use some down here too.

Alex ... I'm sorry your hand/wrist feels so bad.  I had carpal tunnel syndrome, but turned down the surgery.

It's a beautiful day here today.  Temps in the upper 80's and there is a nice breeze blowing.  I have a report to do so I better get busy on it.  I'm so excited to be mailing out my brochures and letters tomorrow.  All it takes is one new client to really help us out!

Hope everyone is having a good day,

Bren

bluedahlia

Tomorrow is appointment with osteopath Bren.  Haven't heard from Pain Clinic yet but they did set up a CT scan so they know exactly where to inject the block.  One way or the other I plan to be painfree for the wedding on September 29th, even if it kills me.   hehehehe!  Please let the comfies know.  I can't sit and type much these days.  Neurologist said lots of bed rest for now.

3monstmama

Hugs and hi to all! 

Blue my fingers are crossed for a pain free wedding even though I have seen not a single cookie   !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 I have come to realize that I am having some achy SEs --maybe from the tamoxifen?---involving pain in my feet in the morning.  Given what the rest of you are dealing with, i'm not totally comfy calling it pain-more like stiffness and discomfort.  Any rate, once i walk around a bit it goes away.  I can live with the achy feet but the hot flashes right now are MURDER!!!!!!  Every since this "heat wave" started here in Seattle.  PS MARY  Lets not tell anyone how while it does get hot in the middle of the day, the temperature drops a good 20 degrees at night just in time to go to sleep!

Once again, I must note that Mary and I have passed like ships in the night---I had lunch at a lovely restaurant in the Pike Market called "Marche"--outdoors on a patio celebrating birthdays of two colleagues. All facilitated by the absence of a certain manager--Yipppeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

On the mother front, it may be that the chemo is simply not working for her anymore and that the cancer is coming back.  We had onco appointment yesterday and her CA125 had only dropped about 6-7 points making it about 70.  This is the second time that it has not dropped significantly.  Her onco said the elevated levels could be due to other things like arthritus (sp) or heart failure and not just cancer.  When I asked if there was a way to figure out which it was he said the only way was really to stop the chemo.  The schedule had her going for the round we were starting and one more after that. 

This series of chemo since July has been hard on her as she was expecting (as were we all) that she would be done on July 3 and just getting monitored.  She really wants to go back to her home and see her friends and well, face it, all her junk.  But she can't fly by herself and given our relationship, there's no way I'm going.  My godbrother is available the latter part of September but because of the last round of chemo, she wasn't going to be able to go then.

I took a deep breathe and asked the onco, what was the real difference between her doing 2 more rounds of chemo or just doing 1?  He's a smart guy, he has heard her talk about wanting to go home and he said no difference in this case.

So the new plan is that she has 2 more treatments and then a CT scan and then an appointment in 2 months and then?  In between the CT scan and the appointment, she is free to go home if she wants.  But now she can't really figure out what she wants to do as far as going "home" or staying here.  She is feeling wobbly so now I suggested that maybe they shouldn't get tickets and should just see how things go. I think what she should do is go home and visit her friends and then fly back with godbrother--she has grand aspirations of cleaning her entire house in 6 weeks and renting it out. The whole thing is a mess and I am resigning myself to having to clear out two hoard houses--the one at "home" and the new one in Seattle. 

Frankly I think she has a fairly short amount of time left but I cannot really talk to her about death and dying and how to spend her time because she is in such deep denial.  She can't admit her most basic feelings--being scared to death of dying and not wanting to die--because she has spent so much energy telling every one how it doesn't bother her at all.  Well if it doesn't bother you why the heck are you --at 83-- talking about stem cell treatment for your heart condition or getting into some research project for the ovarian cancer?  IMHO people who really aren't fighting death or afraid of it go and enjoy life they have left.  Which she doesn't.  Its not that I want her to be "happy" that the end is here, its that I guess I am craving one moment of honesty: whats so wrong with being truthful and saying "I DON'T want to DIE !!  I am mad that I have cancer and can't just pass away in my sleep?  My mother was awful and she got to die on her bed during a nap and here I am suffering."

Which is so NOT happening.  And no, she who has praised therapy for decades will not go to a therapist to talk about what is going on, even though we got the name of a specialist for cancer patients and got a list of groups etc etc etc.

Sigh.  okay back to my trench. . . holiday coming at the end of the week and I so want to enjoy it.

hugs to all.

Anonymous

Blue - all fingers & toes & eyes crossed for you 4 tomorrow!  If there were connoli's here, I'd even eat one in your honor.

3Monst - no figuring it out, think the BEST we can do, is try, try, try not to feel guilty, and not let ourselves get too hurt by that kind of behavior.  I know from personal experience, how difficult it is, creating emotional distance is the only healing behavior I know that helps.  BUT, gotta make sure any "guilt" is quckly kicked to the curb. NOT ALLOWED. Seriously, you've got some monstas & a DH to take care of too!  Please put yourself at the Head of the Queque for gentleness, and kindness, and taking GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF.  Lunch at Pike's Market, yummy.  Great start

Pike Market - I was there years and years ago, and remember LOVING the crafts, and dried flowers, and being lucky enuf to be with some one who knew how to cook fish.  

Sorry, scoot, but just the thought of touching raw fish gives me a serious case of the willies...bleah!

Chickadee

3monstamama, my 86 yr old mother is a lifelong hoarder. I recognize everything you mention. They are primarily self involved and unable to connect emotionally or honestly with their families. What we want from them we will never get.



It's taken me years to be at peace with this. And I'm not always successful.



Not cleaning out any more hoarder houses. I got my brother to be responsible now and we coerced her into assisted living. I'm given to understand that her room is as cluttered as ever. But she is now in another state and I'm done.

1Athena1

3monst, people never change, and they die as they lived - with eyes wide shut in some cases. The hardest of things is to accept that, especially when dealing with a denier.

3monstmama

Thanks for the hugs, Sunflowers and Chickadee. 

it so nice to have a place to vent that gets it---too often I feel like the bad uncaring daughter.

chickadee I am only going to clean the house when she has moved on to whatever follows this life.  One round of trying to pick-up the living room by tossing the 3 month old grocery flyers and having my mother lose it was enough for me!  Her assisted living home is on the way to hoardyness--the only reason the floor is clear is that the cleaning people come and pick it up every week.

YramAL

3monstmama-we passed like very distant ships..I was at Pike Place Market about 2 weeks ago. I have not been to Marche, but I have seen it and it looks lovely. My husband and I went to the Pike Place Brewing Co. for lunch when we were there, and I think I had the freshest mussels I have ever had in my life-steamed just to the point past raw, and oh, so tender. My mouth is watering just thinking about them. I also bought a wonderful bouquet for $5. Can't beat that.

I am sorry to hear of all the struggles with your mom. I'm sorry she's not facing what very well could be end of life issues.

 My mom is 84 and pretty darn healthy. But you wouldn't know that talking to her. In fact, she gets insulted when people tell her she looks good-"They just don't know how much I'm suffering!" She has not had a non-elective hospitalization, ever, I think. We were supposed to go to Cannon Beach last week, just her and I, and she cancelled because of what "might happen". I told her she must not think much of me if she thought I wouldn't take care of her, whatever came up. Now she's pestering me to reschedule, and I'm saying no. Her anxiety issues(that she refuses to take anything for) are still there, and I can't keep thinking I'm going out of town and then cancelling again. My brother thinks this is her way of gradually withdrawing from life. Maybe so.

And then there's my mother-in-law, hoarder extraordinaire, who thinks she can go anywhere and do anything, even though she has dementia, is incontinent, and is in a wheelchair. Go figure. 

Blue-that pain needs its ass kicked to the curb so you can enjoy the wedding!

Mary 

Anonymous

3monst - zap it with the "bad uncaring" - I am a great believer in the premise, we are ALL of us, as "good" daughters as our respective mothers allow or allowed us to be.  What Athena says.

There is a HUGE ( if I could spell humongeous, I would call it that) MYTH in the Zeitgeist, telling us how a mother/daughter relationship SHOULD ( my least favorite word) be - and I am sure some women fit comfortably in that description, my experience has been to know a helluva lot more who don't.

"Woo, woo, New Agey alert"  Circle of Stones: Woman's Journey to Herself, by Judith Duerk. Some fabulous healing questions, if you let them heal.   The followup to COS ( more than 25 years old) is I Sit Listening to the Wind: Woman's Encounter Within Herself.

Bottom line, again, & again, Be as gentle with yourself as you can be.  

YramAL

"Hoardyness"? Now that's new noun that I can understand. LOL

Mary 

suzieq60

3monst - sorry you are having a tough time with your Mum.

I've been to Pike St Markets - many years ago. I really liked Seattle.

It's supposed to be 27 C (80 for the F) folks today - it's also supposed to be winter - crazy. No rain for a while lately. I did some gardening yesterday - love planting new things.

1Athena1

Oh, ((((3monst)))), I forgot to add the HUGE HUG - you definitely deserve one.

This is beginning to resemble a sanatorium. How about a jazz band at BCO B&G to brighten us all up? Have had my own medical challenges (nice way of putting it) lately. Damned sick of illness in general. After a while, I just lose patience with the whole thing. I wish my brain/body would simply respond to military commands to BUCK UP!

alexandria58

3monst:  so sorry about your mom.  This may just be the way she deals with it. I'm with Sunflowers - mother-daughter relationships are complicated on both sides.  Everyone just has to muddle through it. Hugs to you.

Athena, jazz band sounds good.  I can play a few chords on my guitar, even with the brace.  Need drums, horn and a bass - and we can swing it.

Chickadee

3monstmama, yes I've been screamed at for throwing out trash. Ive moved her 4 times from my childhood home, to a small townhouse, to a room on my house, to an apartment because i couldnt take it. At one clean up, My son found $60 in the piles next to her chair and when he tried to give it to her she yelled at him that he couldn't have found it there and she wondered where he really found it. He was younger then and still loved grandma, but that was a wake up call for him. Now he can't stand her.



Sometimes I watch that hoarder show and its like they have their own language and cliches. It's a very sad disorder for all involved.