Please tell me what you would do

Tabbymom

I will definitely leave after my prophylactic surgeries are done (onc says I should get hysterecomy/oopherectomy).   If I can find rent comparable to what I am paying her, which I may not be able to.    Glad to know I can get disability if it spreads, and as long as I continue to carry insurance, there is hospice .   Hopefully it won't come to that.  I just needed to know that if it spread, I would not be on the street. 

Jainey

Thanks Gingerbrew ... It is not always easy to forgive, but when I have taken the time to learn how to do it and then do it ... I feel the healing and all the positive forces working with me ... it is the best for all concerned (we are all human)! Nice that you agree ...

Tabbymom

Oh, I def don't want to leave on bad terms.   I will do whatever i can so it is a peaceful thing.  

CoolBreeze

Tabby, in your first post you said you recently moved in but in your reply to me you said three years.  So, maybe three years is recent to you, I don't know.

I still don't understand why a 45 year old woman relies on her mother for cheap rent.  The economy is bad everywhere and surely there are people in your town looking for roommates?  You can find a two bedroom apartment and split the rent with a roommate.  My son does that - he only works part-time right now (can't find a full-time job and only makes $11.00 an hour, four hours a day) and splits rent in a beautiful apartment - in expensive California.  So, it can be done. 

Your mother, by your own admission, has not helped you through your cancer experience anyway, so you might as well start looking.

I don't know anywhere in this country where you are going to find rent for $400.00 a month by yourself.  Maybe as somebody said, the midwest is that cheap.  I know some people have in-law apartments outside their homes and those tend to be cheaper and cute.  Start looking in the newspapers, on craigslist, in apartments.com, etc.  You might even be able to find a house to share.

Your question is "what would you do?" so I'm just answering what you asked.  I would leave and fast.   The one thing cancer does to us, all of us, is make us realize that we are mortal.  We may not die for 50 more years, or we may die in 3 years.  We don't know but we have faced that possibility in a way that others don't.  And, I learned that life is WAY to short to put up with abuse and uncaring people.  Especcially not for cheap rent.

Nobody is making you leave, or even making you defend your choices.  Based on what you described though, I don't think you owe your mother anythng and she certainly hasn't been kind to you, so to answer your question - I would get some peace and move out immediately. 

Whatever you choose, I hope it makes you happy and helps you find comfort and joy.

Tabbymom

Coolbreeze, I appreciate your response, although apparently you are not very sympathetic to my situation.   I'm sorry you cannot understand why a woman my age "relies on her mother for cheap rent".   Then in your next paragraph you go on to say that you don't know of anywhere in the nation where I can rent for $400.00 a month.   Well, there is your answer.  

I came here for suggestions, that is true, but I don't need to be made to feel as if I am some co-dependent child.   Maybe your financial situation is better than mine (I see you are married).  And I'm glad your son has roomies and that is working out for him.   Maybe I will have to go that route, too.   But at my age, I would rather see if I can just find an efficiency or something in my price range. 

I agree with you that I don't owe her anything.   Our arrangement is purely financial.   It's hard to make it on $300 a week take-home pay (my employer deducts over $300 a month for my health insurance).

Tabbymom

I certainly would not want roommates at my age, but I may not have a choice.   I would rather have an efficiency than have roommates.  I lived in an efficiency, I was very happy.  

Mazy1959

Tabby, I'm not sure where all may have this also but since u said u were fine with an efficiency, have u checked out local hotels/motels? We have 2 here who rent monthly or weekly. One is average and in a good part of town and near downtown shopping etc. and is on the city bus route. All utilities are furnished including cable at this one.They charge $450 per month or $125 per week. I'm pretty sure that the midwest probly has several like these. Quincy is the most expensive for about a hundred miles so maybe that will give u something to go by. Also, what about renting a mobile home? Rent is usually reasonable on those. I pray u find something soon. HUgs, Mazy

Mazy1959

Looked in the paper... one bedroom house for rent in average neighborhood for $475 month.Another 2 bedroom is $500.There are several apartments ranging from $375 - $500. The large cities are higher as a rule.

Tabbymom

Hadly, I am in Florida.   I won't stay here, because it is one of the most expensive parts of the country.   You won't find an apt for under $800 a month in a decent area, which is why I rent from my mom.

I am flexible, I can move anywhere.   I have a car, so it doesn't need to be on a bus route.  

Mazy, I looked into renting a mobile home - which I would be perfectly happy with - but by the time I included the lot rental, it wasn't much cheaper than an apt.

Mazy1959

Tabby, meant renting a mobile home where lot rent is included . But either way I know u will find somethng cheaper than the area ur in.Hugs Mazy

xokellieox

If you are unhappy then you should move.  You can not live in fear, and I have no right to say anything.  I have the same fears.  My motto is if you can not beat them then leave them even if you might be taking a risk.  Life is about that I think. 

You will be more likely to ruin your relationship with your Mom if you stay then move and not be able to come back.  Have you thought about talking to your Mom.  Are you concerned for her health or are you just in shock  like me about how selfish others can be.  it stuns me.  You are young and you should live your life.

xokellieox

Ha Ha cheap rent here.  Ada, OK...but IDK...it is crazy in small town OK.  I need a friend so come on I will rent you a room....:-)

Tabbymom

Xokellieox, yes, I spoke to her awhile back and asked if moved out and the cancer spread, would she allow me to come back.   She said something about not sure since I would be "leaving her to rot".  

janette1958

Everyone of us lives with uncertainy, so no matter how much we what if ourselves we have no control.  We do however have a choice and to me it sounds like you know what to do.  You have already vocalized your problem now its time to do some action.  Hope all works out for and you deserve some nurturing and love.

"Nothing Changes, if nothing changes"

Have a great New Year.