mom of newborn just diagnosed

leftfootforward

I am 37 years old have 4 kids (8, 5, 3, and 4 months). I am searching for someone who might be able to sympathize with me having to abandon breast feeding immediately for breast cancer treatment.  I am ER/PR -, HER2 +, stage 2 or 3. I am not a candidate for lumpectomy and am scheduled for my mastectomy just after the new year.  The plan so far is for surgery, then chemo, then radiation. I was diagnosed 3 days ago and my life is a blur.  Looking for words of encouragement, helpful advise, and general information.

 thank you.

  

heathermcd

I can't offer advice about the breast feeding, but I can reassure you that things will get better and become less of a blur. I had a double mastectomy in August and am just finishing up with chemo. The process is doable- just remember to take care of yourself first and foremost and ask lots of questions. The women on these boards are amazing and will help you get through treatment and beyond. Sending healing thoughts.

Marple

There is a gal on here who was pregnant during treatment.  Hopefully she will see your post.   

I'm sorry this has happened to you.  I think you will find support and hope here.

Gentle hugs.

(Edit for early morning typos.)

Laurie08

When I was diagnosed in April 2010 my youngest was 4 months old, oldest was 2 1/2.  I have a strong family history so I chose not to breast feed so I could go get a mammogram asap.  I was aware how pregnancy hormones can effect cancer etc. So-  I was fortunate that I chose a mammo over breast feeding in the end.  I had a BMX in June, 4 weeks of no lifting my boys.  I will also say it is very do-able.  There are times when it's not easy but it was more manageable than I ever thought it would be.  Please feel free to PM me, or ask any questions you would like.  The woman Sharon is referring to's name is Joystars.  She is in our June mastectomy thread, she was diagnosed while pregnant.  She was scheduled to have a C section at the end of November.  As you can imagine, she hasn't been on the boards lately! 

Hugs to you.

my2boys

I am so sorry that you are going through this, but you will find helpful ladies here who will guide you through the rough spots.

When I was first diagnosed in 2008, my youngest was 5 years old and I thought I couldn't manage both the kids and the meds, etc.  Aside from right after the bilateral mx when I wasn't able to lift much for a little while, treatment managed to fly by very quickly and I learned to compensate for what I couldn't do at the time.  One very helpful hint is to move anything that you may need to a lower shelf in your closets or kitchen cabinets. I was always asking people to help me reach for things while I was recovering from surgery.  Another helpful hint is to purchase a few tops that zipper up the front.  I went with the running clothes.  This way you don't have to pull things over your head for a few weeks.

As far as the kids go, DON'T shy away from people offering to help.  It was very hard for me to ask for help, but I quicly learned how much I needed it.  If possible, call as many people that you feel comfortable with and make them aware of your situation and that you will need plenty of help.  Most of them will surprise you with how helpful they can be.  I'm glad I mustered up the courage to make those calls.

You will most likely be on maintenance drugs for a while after your chemo and radiation are done.  Her2+ is a type of cancer that requires you to take these new drugs. Don't let that scare you.  I am on Herceptin and Tykerb.  They are both doable and I have very few, if any side effects.  My life feels just like normal.  I try to put it in perspective.....people take maintenance drugs for all kinds of things from high blood pressure to diabetes.....this is my "thing" for now.

Compartmentalizing also helps.  First deal with surgery.......then once completed, start to deal with chemo and/or reconstruction decisions.......then once completed, deal with rads.....then once completed, discuss maintenance drugs with your doctor.  If you think of it as a whole ordeal it can be overwhelming at times.  All the while remembering that you WILL get through this.

Now....take a deep breath and most of all remember, that this is just a bump in the road.  It is a short time in your life where you are going to have to take a lot of medication.  But then it will be done with.  Kids have short memories and they will forget all about this once your recover, so don't feel guilty.  God Bless You.

Anne 

jpmercy

I am so sorry that you are in this position! im 30 years old and my little boy was 6 months when i was diagnosed. i was having problems breastfeeding, have a family history and knew i was due for a mamo so i stopped breastfeeding and went for my mamo and found the BC.  it was very hard to stop breastfeeding but then i realized that im doing everything i can to make sure that i am here with my little boy for a very long time. i had a BMX in Sept. Allow your family to help that is what htey are there for! it was hard to not lift my little guy for about three weeks but you get through it! i have three weeks of chemo left and then herceptin til Oct of next year. i promise you will get through it just know that you dont ahve to do everything on your own! people will want to help, let them!! i am also a child of a breast cancer survivor, my mom was diagnosed when i was 7 to this day i look up to her, a 23 year survivor and think that she is the bravest most amazing woman i know, your children will be thinking hte same about you! hang in there! as soon as you start your treatment it gets easier. i felt like at each step of the way i was terrified and then i stopped and said...hey that wasnt so bad and on to the next step! hang in there and dont feel guilty you are going to be here with your children and that is what matters!

in_cognito

Yorelh - So sorry that you have to join us, but you will find lots of support here.  I was diagnosed when my 2nd daughter was 6 weeks old.  I had just given birth and had a hard time getting her to latch.  I pumped for a few weeks and thought I had a clogged milk duct, but it turned out to be cancer instead.  I have just finished the majority of treatment.  I had my BMX last month and am just waiting on reconstruction to be done. 

With all the post-pregnancy hormones, I was a HUGE mess after being diagnosed.  I felt really guilty about not being able to breastfeed any longer.  My first daughter breastfed for 15 months - my second for about 8 weeks total.  Moms Guilt is normal.  Let yourself be able to feel it but understand that formula is just fine. 

After my BMX I had to have family help lift the kids for about 3-4 weeks.  By the 4th week I was lifting my kids (a 3 year old and now 9 month old).  Take all the help you can get.  People will be happy to help and offer meals for your family.  I did pretty good throughout chemo.  I was down maybe 1-2 days in bed during each cycle - at the most.  I made sure to keep up with eating right and exercising - perhaps that helped.  The hair loss sucked - but it's now growing back for me.

You WILL get through this.  In the early days of my diagnosis, I spent a lot of time crying and wondering if I will see my kids go to kindergarten.  It gets a little easier each day. 

There is also a thread called "Ladie's in their 30's" - there are a lot of us there posting too.  And look into the Young Survival Coalition as well.  You will find lots of young moms on their discussion boards too.  Good luck and come back here for support! 

leftfootforward

thank you all for your support. I am feeling less lost already. 

Joanne58

I'm glad you're feeling less lost and supported by these terrific women who share your circumstances.  I had a feeling you'd get some loving and encouraging words   Please take their advice and get as much outside help as you can with your children.  Neighbors and church members make up for what my extended family isn't close enough to provide. 

Sound like you have a darling family of 4 children--congratulations!  Their love for you and the cute little things they'll do (mixed with their typical demands) will get you through this. It may sound strange right now, but finding humor where ever you can in this trial can really, really make things easier.  Crying will happen enough, but laughing is so important.  My kids make me laugh and I laugh at myself a lot. This is the kind of medicine that balances the oncology treatments. I also think you and your children would benefit from you keeping a journal. They'll appreciate your experiences even more when they're older, and you can look back on this with them as just part of being their mom who never gave up.

Blessings to you and your family!

Joanne

Pure

Hi there,

I was diagnosed while pregnant. My son is now 11 months old. I couldn't nurse b-c of treatment (chemo and rads) so of course that would affect my milk. It made me sad and still does but I am alive and I had to do what I had to do. Some women don't even get the opportunity to have a baby due to breast cancer so I tried to focus on my blessings.

I had my baby after I finished my first round of chemo then after I had the baby I stared on taxol. Leaving to go to chemo with a baby at home was not fun but I can tell you that I got through it and I am happy ( really happy) and healthy.  My son is perfect so blessings all around.

I too was 37 and had 4 kids ( 9, 7, 5, and newborn) I didn't tell them about my cancer. I said mommy had a bad boob and I had to get treatment to make it better. I let them lead with questions. They never really had any. The reason I didn't tell them is because I didn't want them to loose one day of their innconnence. BC took so much from us and I wasn't letting it take anymore. I wasn't sick around them, I did all the normal things and they were in school during tx so I was able to pull it off. It was the way I choose to deal with it and everyone is different.

If I can help in anyway please pm me-I am happy to talk to you, call you, anything you need:)

BonoboGirrl

Hi, Pure. In terms of what you disclosed to your children, I took a similar approach with my then five-year-old daughter. I told her my boobs were sick and that I had to take very strong medicine to make them better--medicine that would sometimes make mommy not feel so good. That's all she needed to know to feel confident and secure. My son is a teenager so he received a full report.