Me and my big mouth

mginger

 A coworker of mine told me she had a tough week. I asked why.  She said her mom just got diagnosed with BC.  When she added her mom had IBC, my face changed and she noticed. And then she got worried.  I said IBC is a tough one, but with chemo, lots of hope is allowed. She was wondering why I knew so much about cancer and I did not find the courage to tell her I had BC myself. She asked me what was the survival rate IBC, but I said I did not remember. Then she started to cry.   She had to go get her kids at the daycare, so we left the conversation there. God I feel bad now. Why the hell did I have to make a face and tell her IBC was a tough BC? I am so stupid.  So here I go with a question and a demand:

the question: When I see her tomorrow... Should I tell her I  had BC?

the demand:  please send me some reassuring-chicken-soup stories so I can send them to her tomorrow (I already printed the survivors 15+ years that was posted in this forum)

thanks 

hymil

Tricky - you could start with "I know some one who had it 2008 and is back working and doing very well" and progress to "actually it was me" if she probes... Lots of us are cancer experts, I'm sure we all know someone who has had the cancer experience in one shape or another, uncles with lung ca, brothers'in'law with testicular, friends with Cervical abnormalities, it's all around us. If you don't see it, it's because you maybe dont want to?!  Yes IBC is a tough one, but here you are, two years out.....  I think a solid answer for IBC survival rate, as specific as possible for her mom's age group and other info you might have... or a website ref (written down) for her to find out more for herself (preferably one with a good support section not just medical and scary facts) would definitely be a good idea, if she is after facts; she is certainly after support for herself and you already offered that, maybe she needs time to sit and drink another coffee together and have a chance to let her own stress out before the pressure to collect the kids means she has to act grown up and strong.... in the busy life so many of us lead, it's a very narrow window between collecting kids, making supper, getting them to bed, phoning mom, satisfying DH and starting all over, and she has so little time for her own needs. Its great that you can be there for her, that you were the person she chose to speak to, nobody else has the actual honest input that you have, "scary but do-able" Good luck and may you be guided to find the right words for her tomorrow.

mginger

Thanks for your input hymil. One thing I want to point out:  I had a mild form of BC, not the terrible IBC. So I don't have as much merit as you girls. I will try to be very positive tomorrow and will offer my help; maybe by bringing home-made chicken soup?

LRM216

Don't beat yourself up over this.  You did nothing wrong.  If you feel comfortable telling her about yourself, then by all means do so.  I'm sure that will help her in dealing with her mom to know you too are sharing the same thing, but only if you feel good about opening that up to her.

scuttlers

Actually, I think it is very good that you were knowledgeable about IBC and was able to convey to her that it is very serious.  You would not believe the number of people who do not have a clue - and feel that this is curable and with a little treatment you can move on.  (Even family members.)

You may have given the daughter the ability to do some research, gain some knowledge, and be able to actually help her mom.  And the daughter needs to know exactly how precious each day, each hour, each minute is.  She shouldn't put off any thing that she would like to share or do with her mom - do it now. 

mginger

thanks.  I've given her the Ibcsupport.org website address. I told her to take very good care of her mom, but the poor thing has two young kids, a full time job... I feel so sorry for her. 

Dee2010

If you're comfortable discussing it with her, you may not only want to share that you had BC but especially what might be helpful for her to do. There were a number of people who would come to me and say "what can I do to help?" when my mind just wasn't that organized. Specific, practical things like helping to clean the house or cook specific foods she likes. But this is only if you're comfortable with that approach.  Don't foget that taking care of you is still your first priority, and that's not being selfish.

mginger

So maybe I could bring her my frozen home made organic chicken broth,  so her mom would have a nice hot nutritious drink?