how do you move on

flagstage3

Iwhat a year! i'm a single mom of twin 6 year olds, had them on my own so i really need to beat this!. I'm 46 and have stage 3 idc breast cancer. I finished radiation last week, still have chemo every 3 wks til May and reconstruction in the spring. I had a double mastectomy in sept. i was told they don't do follow up pet and bone scans or mris or cts, why is that??? the one doc says stats show it doesnt really help that if the test is pos it's too late anyway, it would be stage 4! so how am i suppose to move on every day feeling like im not going to have a recurrence to stage 4 and die??? im a strong independent person, until cancer hit me! to top it off my bf ended our relationship 1 week before my surgery! i wanna live to see my girls grow up and get married, etc... i had 15 nodes taken on one side, 6 had cancer, and 2 removed on the other side that we not cancer. i know i have to pray they got everything in surgery and with the radiation but it seems like its just pot luck, i do go to a support group once a week but its a mix of scenarios including women dying with stage 4, women with recurrence, etc i leave there more depressed then when i walked in at times!

Octobergirl

Time sorta moves you along and my experience is that there are times now when I think less about cancer and life feels almost normal.  But it is always in the back of my mind and the fear rears it's head when I am realistic about being stage 3. Cancer changes so much so quickly...some for the good but it is also just plain hard at times. I do best when I stay in the moment. When I do, I have an overriding joy and love for life I've never experienced with such intensity. And everything is okay.

You have a lot to live for.  Your twin girls can provide a different (healthy) focus, perspective, unconditional love (where "adults" often fall short) and...best of all...sweet moments even on the worst of days. I know it is tough being a single parent...and even toughter doing it with cancer.

Be strong.  We are all here and our collective caring and sharing gets us all through. 

Molly 

dlb823

flagstage, many BSs & oncs do not do any type of scan unless we have a pain or other symptom that needs to be ruled out.  But thorough exams including MRIs are often part of routine followup, as is bloodwork that will often (but not always) indicate a possible problem.  Most of us have checkups every 6 months for at least 5 years, so if you're not happy with the followup suggested by your current medical team, it's never too late to find a new onc to do your followup. 

And what you've observed about support groups is all too true.  The main place I've been treated (UCLA) actually has 3 support groups -- one for newly diagnosed women, one for Stage 4 women, and one for everyone else.  That way, each group's special concerns are better addressed.  Of course this can only work at a facility that treats a lot of women, but you might want to check around and see if anyone in your area does it that way.   When I was going through chemo I joined an art therapy class for bc patients at our local hospital and had a similar experience.  Eventually, I stopped going because at that stage in my treatment, it was too depressing to keep losing people out of the class.

I'm glad you've found us tonight, and I hope BCO will turn out to be as helpful a support group for you as it is for many of us.  I finished my active treatment almost 2 years ago, and I have to tell you -- while it doesn't happen overnight, it definitely gets easier as you move forward.     Deanna 

Gitane

flagstage3,  This is THE question that I had to learn to answer for myself, I think, because there is no answer.  In some ways I have improved my ability to live with this uncertainty, in other ways not.  Each day is a new chance to get stronger and learn what works for me.  Like so many of us I keep trying things, like this BC discussion board, books that help me learn about how my mind and emotions work, taking wisdom from others and inside myself when I can find it. BC changed everything, and made me look at my life and my world with totally new eyes.  The transition to this new way of being has been hard, no doubt about it.  The reality is, there is no going back.

Tg5471530

 When i saw "how do you move on"as the name of a topic I thought "I'm right there. I have to read this"  Then as I read your post I thought "Wow this sounds so familiar" Then I realised who it was.  I just want to encourage you to go to try the Breast Friends Group this Thursday.  (I hope you dont have to work)  It is way more upbeat and very helpful.  The ladies are great too!  See you on Tues!   

AnacortesGirl

It was about 15 months from my dx to my last surgery which was a oophorectomy at the end of October.  I was so tired of all this.  But the relief I feel now is great.  It so hard to keep on going but you will make it. In the meantime think how what you are doing is making sure that your girls have their mom now and in the future.  It will be worth it.  And it will get better when it's done!

amlg1

I am also out about 20 month,and I never thought I would be in the place I am now.I used to think about this disease at least 100 times a day.now I still think about it,but there are days, I don't at all.I know it sounds like that will never happen,just as I thought,but it does get better.