Chemo starting in December 2010

hdangelbaby

my hair as a child was black, but then when i was a teen i dyed it alot. so in the end it ended up being dark brown. then it fell out! now it looks like mine is coming in black. I will be fine with that, i just sure hope it starts thickening up soon! that's where i'm getting nervous!!! i have some hair (1/8") but it's not sprouting very thick at allll......

bambi380

Mine looks like peach fuzz!

msjag

Hi everyone, checking back in, been going  back and forth with march/april rads.  8 more rads to go.   You can do this, chemo seems like a million miles away, I finished feb 3, it will one day feel like that to all of you.   My hair came in quicker on the sides and the back, and is now filling in in the front, have my dark brown color and gray hair, that looks rather wavy, I've always had straight hair!

Angel, I have been taking celexa for about a month, doing great on it, was put on  it after chemo and it seems to be true after chemo and before rads, alot of us become anxious, weepy, depressed. My doc said I'd probably go off it after rads.  

Sorry to hear about side effects some are having, hoping they pass quickly.  Wishing you all well as you come to the end of the chemo journey (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))

sammolisa

nolaa --

I feel the same.  I have no idea who this girl is who is emerging from chemo's grip.  I have dyed my hair since I was 26 and I am now 49.   So it is coming in with my natural color, it's been so long I have no idea what my natural color is anymore,  (not that makes a difference as there is so much gray in there now)  I feel like I have to look at old pics just to remind myself of who I am.   My husband is wonderful about it all tho and reminds me when I am in my worst crying spells that I am still "Lisa".  Just remember nolaa, you are still you.  I am trying to remember on a daily basis.  It's hard sometimes and I cry some days, but then it gets better. 

I will have to say tho what is coming in is like baby hair - it is extremely soft.  My eyebrows (when you look REALLY close)  look like they are trying to come back in.  Not sure about the eyelashes yet - well they fell out - i know that much. lol.  

Rads are going ok.  10/27 so far.   No skin issues to speak of. 

Hope all are well tonite.  Spring is in the air down here.   Praying that spring lights something special in all of us suffering from the darkness we are coming out of......

hopefortomorrow

My hair is coming back in and the majority of it is gray, with a little of the brown at the sides and the back. The funny thing to me is that I have died mine for the last twenty years, and when I look at the ponytail the hairdresser cut off it looks so 'dyed'. People always said it looked natural? I used medium golden brown. Now I don't know what I will do. My wig is actually a dark blond, but it makes me look less ghostly than the dark hair color(?), so it has grown on me. Maybe I am kidding myself. I also think about letting it go gray. That will take strength on my part!

nolaa

sigh...it sounds like we're all dealing with a strange new hair color but for a variety of reasons.  Thanks everyone for sharing.  I think I have cried more about this in the past few days than anytime since I was diagnosed.  A lot of reasons.  One of which is that having red hair was always such an important part of who I was.  I felt so lucky I never had to dye it and it was such a part of my personality.  I know I'm still mostly the same personality (except visually) but I wasn't prepared to have this part of my identity taken away.  I guess I can just join the ranks of people who do dye!  

You know, since it sems like we're all coming in gray (to some degree) I wonder if the chemo chemicals take a while to purge from our bodies and then grow out.  Maybe the color will change as we get further from chemo?  I'm not counting on it, but it would be nice.

hopefortomorrow

Nolaa, I think it might. From a few people I have heard the hair comes in curly, but it is like baby curls, after the first cut they go away.I think the same might be true for hair color. I just had a thought, kind of cynical, but maybe the hair color change for some has to do with those that never wanted to admit they died their hair? I have heard of people's hair color changing though. Well I guess that doesn't make sense if yours is different. Sorry. I do think as time goes by it might return to it's original color. I love red hair!

LisaMomOfFour

So finally, finally my eyes are not feeling as toxic as they were last month, and my contact lenses are comfortable again.  But of course, my eyelashes are largely gone, patchy, and putting mascara on the few lashes I have left would just make the bald spots more noticeable. 

So I decided to try false eyelashes today.  Took forever to apply correctly as I have never done that before.   I walk into the living room and my ten year old daughter starts to laugh hysterically.  I guess there is no need to ask my husband for a candid opinion.   He did say they looked pretty curly.....

Oh well, back to bald eyelashes.  Nothing like the honesty of kids.

Lisa 

hopefortomorrow

Lisa I can appreciate your story! Very cute. Yes have to appreciate the kids honesty. Yesterday I filled in my eyebrows, more like drew them in. They didn't look so hot, but I had on a scarf, and no one really knows my haircolor at this point, but we did laugh that they looked too black. My eyelashes are worthless too! I don't bother with them. At least a little eyeliner helps. I don't go crazy with it though. I swear I feel like I look like Uncle Fester of the Adam's Family!

bambi380

I never lost my eyelashes nor my eyebrows. I asked my onc if the drugs were strong enough. Stopped dying my hair a couple of years ago when I hair dresser told me it was a beautiful mix of white. I figured if she was going to take $$$ out of her pocket she must mean it. After fighting this battle I have an aversion to dumping chemicals on me. So whatever color appears I will learn to live with.

nolaa

Lisa -  I'm impressed that you tried false lashes.  How funny that the kids spotted it right away.

I'm still trying to figure out how to draw my eyebrows on.  I've only done it for the few times I've had to go into work.  They are always lopsided and mismatched!  They better grow back quick so my students are going to laugh every day. 

hdangelbaby

i did the eyebrow drawing, but used eyeliner to fake the lashes, kind of.

i thought i looked goofy with the fake lashes, so i ditched them too!!!

karebear76

Hey all. I hope you are all doing well.

I still have enough brows that I just leave them alone. I don't do makeup anyways!!

My hair is just peach fuzz and it is blonde or white!! I haven't been blonde since I was 3!!! Wonder what color it will be when it really grows in!!

I am anxiously awaiting surgery on Thursday!!! I just want to get it done and over with. Then we will see where we are at and what the next step is. 

shelbytroy12

Anyone having issus with their fingernails?  Mine hurt at times during chemo but I thought I had escaped further damage. But now, 8 weeks after chemo, the nails are discolored and lifting off the nail bed. It's so gross. It appears they are going to fall off.  I have no idea if new nail is underneath but fear walking about with no nails at all.  It looks like all of them are being affected.  Anyone else with this issue and ideas on how to deal with it? It's almost worse than no hair, because you can't hide it.  I have lost all my lower eyelashes, and only a few top ones remain. 

hdangelbaby

shelby, did you keep your nails painted during chemo?

I found that keeping them painted, then 2 coats of clear Hard As Nails kept them from falling off. they are black underneath and have ridges, but still on!!!!

maybe try painting them,

hdangelbaby

oh, and i found it WAY harder to lose my eyebrows and eyelashes than my hair on my head.

at least i could pull it off with having my eyebrows and lashes, (I have prominent features, like black eyebrows and long black lashes), so i feel like i have a blank look all the time

i dont really like to draw on my brows either cause they just look sooooo fake!!!!!

but i got some stubble coming in now, so hopefully it's here to stay!

nolaa

shelbytroy12 - I have the same problem with my nails.  It started with just one, but now there are 4.  Even hurts to type.  The nails are pulling off from the top down (from the white part down to the moons).  My oncologist said to soak them in olive oil once a day and also to use bandaids to tape them down (put the non-sticky part on the nail because if you put sticky tape on the nail and then try to take it off or change it the nail will just pull off more).  I've been following her suggestion for a week and it seems to be helping a tiny bit.  Others here have suggested tea tree oil.  I think it just moisturizes them either way.  And the bandaids just really help them from getting pulled off even more from all of the little bumps in life.  Maybe, maybe if they don't get pulled all of the way off then they won't die at the bottom and will keep growing back.  We'll have to wait and see!

hopefortomorrow

Shelby and Nola, I don't have any answers, but Iam feeling your pain. I thought I was going to escape nail problems- mine are just slightly discolored purple in spots, but now they are super painful. Just like you have both said, gripping things, typing hurts. This morning I walked my overzealous dogs and I felt like my nails were being ripped off!

hopefortomorrow

I even think I might loose some of the hair that has grown back in- I am having root pain again! I am on taxotere and i read on that thread one lady said 8 weeks after chemo she lost her hair again! I feel like I look like hell. Like Angel said, I feel like I have a blank expression without many eyelashes of eyebrows. I don't really draw mine in, I use the side of the pencil and kind of shade over what is already there. (not much!) It doesn't look too bad. I blot off anything that looks too dark or uneven.

karebear76

Hugs everyone. 

My nails seem ok. My fingers are massively tingly and so are my feet. To the point that I don't feel the tub when I shower. It feels like I am standing on scrubbing brushes. I can't wait for this to go away.

I have lost most of my eye brows and my bottom eye lashes and some of the top ones. I guess I just take it all in stride. If people don't like the way I look then they can look the other way. I am fighting for my life and fighting this cancer. Honestly how I look is what it is. That said I will be glad when all hair comes back!!

I am going to get my falsie today!! I wanted to get it before surgery on Thurs. This way I have it when I am ready to use it. I don't want to be lopsided!! 

I hope you all have a good day and have little SE today!! 

sammolisa

 Evening wonder women!!

My MRI came back fine.   They found a cyst on my spleen and one on my endocrine gland which is at the top of the left kidney.   They seem extremely confident that it isn't anything to worry about, but they will be keeping an eye on them over time I am sure.  So yay!

I have some gray looking toenails too,  none are falling off however.   Still getting some sharp stabbing pains in my fingers and toes.  And my feet are feelin weird still.  Tomorrow is Day 13/27 rads - so almost halfway! 

I have given up on looking like anything but Uncle Fester so, I am with you Hope!   Eyebrows look like they are growing back a bit more tho.   I don't even bother with a scarf or a hat anymore - it's getting to warm down here in Nash to worry about it.  

Hugs to all, and to quote Pooh and Christopher Robin;

  I wish for you all, Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life."

nolaa

thanks sammolisa, always nice to read uplifting things.

I finshed chemo today!!!  Last of it forever and ever, I hope.  I was hard to be too exited when I was feeling like crap post-infusion but my mom took me out to lunch.  Actually, the best part was when I "came home from work" (I still pretend I go away while the kids are home so I can actually lay in bed and sleep) and they had balloons and a sign they made that said "Chemo is Done, Yea!"   

I was a nice message for the kids to hear that hopefully I'll be feling better and better and getting more nergy over time so that I can play with them more.  I think they really needed to hear that since they've been feeling like I'm always gone and always at doctor's appointments.

Stage I done, well, mostly. I still have to go back for Neupogen shots and still have to get through a week of side effects.  But then on to the very difficult decision on how to reconstruct a bilateral mastectomy.  I have to decide soon so I can book all of the surgeons.  By my count I'll need 4.

It'll be really nice to have this break where hopefully I'll get stronger and stronger.  Looking at some good full-body cleansings to purge all of the residue chemo out of me.  That should help with recovery too, I think.

I even felt strong enough to try the "Healing Yoga" class at the cancer center last week.  Everyone at the class was at least 70 and I was probably the most tired after it was over even though we did only very very very easy motions and stretches.  5 months of muscle atrophy is going to take a while to recover from.  

So glad to be moving on.  So glad to me moving away from chemo and all of its nasty side effects.   

LisaMomOfFour

Nolaa -- Congratulations!  Celebrate every milestone -- it's a big one to have chemo behind you. 

I'm two weeks out, my energy is back, but I'm oh so anxious to move on from the Uncle Fester stage of hair loss, but I think I need to be patient awhile longer... not very good at it. 

DivaJMusic

I'm done too! I had my last treatment Friday but am coming in today for hydration. I've been surfing the sofa since sunday and just ache all over! No rads for me and I too have peach fuzz on my head and legs! Bummer just in time to start shaving for summer. I have a question for you ladies, if you have a port are you taking it out right away or are you leaving it? I'd never even considered leaving it until the dr said it was my choice. Where do you all stand? Congrats to all you beautiful strong women. We did it!!

nolaa

DivaJMusic - I'm taking mine out.  But I also haven't had any surgery yet so it'll come out during the mastectomies.  Easier choice for me that way.  As glad as I am that I got the port and that it worked so well, I want all of these things out of my body!  The fewer reminders of this nasty period, the better. 

nolaa

karebear76 - good luck with surgery tomorrow!  

If you're nervous at all just use all of those deep breathing/visualization techniques you learned for childbirth.  Think about nice images of being done and being cancer-free and life being back to normal.   

hopefortomorrow

Diva, I really didn't question my surgeon, but she said to leave the port in until after radiation. All of the Doctors have said I can get it out whenever I want though. Guess I better ask!

hopefortomorrow

Karebear you will be in my thoughts and prayers on thursday, I hope your surgery is a breeze!

LisaMomOfFour

Good luck tomorrow karebear -- you will be so relieved to have another major step behind you.  I'll be thinking good thoughts for you.    I found chemo way harder than surgery.  I was uncomfortable but not really in much pain afterward.  Hope you have an easy time. 

Lawleigh

Congrats to all that are finishing chemo.  I am sitting here at my last treatment right now.  I am not going to miss this place at all.  Although I start radiation in 2 weeks but that should be a piece of cake except for being here everyday.

Those of you who are going into surgery next.  I had my BMX back in October prior to any other treatment and honestly it was the easiest thing so far.  You would think that the pain after would be intense but its not.  The drains are kinda a pain but again very doable...you will all be awesome.

I am now ready for a full head of hair.  It is coming back a bit but like many of you it is white.  The eyebrows thinned a bit but are really blonde anyway so it wasnt so bad so just left them..hard to color them in blonde.  The eyelashes are hit and miss and seem to be spaced way to wide.

I am getting my port out in two weeks from today as my med onc wanted two weeks after my last chemo tx before having it done to make sure my counts are where they should be.  I can't wait to get  this thing out.  Just one more step towards a normal life.

Everyone have a fantastic Easter and hope that the SE's are minimal if at all.

Leigh