DIEP 2011

goldlining

Hope for the best from SeaShelly.

I had the weird "cloudburst" last week at the chiro. While I was doing the electro-acupuncture before the treatment, I was lying there in the dark room face down, feeling a lot of pain (which I am 99% sure is just me contracting every muscle in my body in order to be outwardly "coping just fine!!!") and thinking about how last Xmas I was 10 days post mastectomy and trying to hide my drain and my pain and now I am going to have to do it again for even more extensive surgery (my parents being so worried about their own ill siblings and their own sub-optimal health that I have felt I had to bottle this up and cope), and I discovered I was crying. Got it managed before the treatment part but that just means I have unfinished business yet. The muscles are still knotted and I'm still anxious about everything BUT the surgery/surgeon.

I'd say for the most part, we're take-charge, empowered, informed patients and we end up with decisions we're confident about, but it's scary sometimes, and a lot of responsibility making those decisions, and we don't have control over everything. If it wasn't for the wonderful people on the boards, I don't know who would understand this.

carol57

I found that in the days leading up to bmx/diep, I could talk about it to anyone except people I loved.  Close friends and family--just could not utter a syllable in the week before surgery, to the point where I sent emails in response to loving phone messages people left for me.  I simply told them that I was to the point of knowing I would have a melt-down if I tried to talk.  Yet I could have the most bizarrely analytical conversation about it to anyone else! 

My son got through my phone firewall the evening before surgery, because DH handed me the phone and I (amazingly) forgot to ask who was calling.  The sound of my son's simple 'hi mom, how are you hanging in there' triggered a total loss of composure, and a flood of tears that poor husband had to mop up for an hour.  Son never got much of substance out of me, and I still tear up --even as typing this--when I recall how much of what I call 'caring anxiety' was flying around then.  Surely it is healthy to let the emotion out!

CookieMonster

I've not cried about this whole BC thing yet, I've come close, but not really broken down. The few times I've started, I was either driving with DS in the car, or been at school where I just wasn't ready to cry in front of my students or colleagues. I'm SURE that sometime before Dec. 15 it'll all come out, I just don't know when yet.

Hang in there everyone!

treesprite

I had a 'breast casting' party the day before my mastectomy; my sister and two of my best friends came over and we used one of those pregnant belly casting kits to make several plaster casts of my breasts. My plan is to create an art piece using one of my castings as a way to process some of what I have bottled up throughout this whole process. It seems like I'm waiting for the "right" time, whatever that is! I expect it to be an emotional process. I feel like I have to keep a brave face on for everyone around me and it does seem even harder with those we are closest to. I know that keeping my feelings bottled up is not good for my health but it seems like once the flood gates open up, I won't be able to get them closed! 

I'm also dealing with the concern over reoccurrence in my remaining breast and imagine that fear will always be lurking somewhere. Wish I knew how to put that fear to rest in a healthy way.

I agree - these forums are so helpful - we can laugh and cry and joke and talk honestly in ways only those of us sharing a similar journey understand  - I'm so grateful for all the support I've gotten from all of you over this past year. 

regenschirm

That's such a great idea!    It reminds me too that I can use my own standards to set fitness goals.   After I tore my hamstring I still had a range of motion beyond what would be considered "normal" (but for me it was tight and painful).

 In some ways I wish I had one more week to go but in others 2 1/2 is just right.  I want to do this thing and get it behind me. 

Just_V

Regenschirm - my PS ended up taking a postage sized piece of my ab in order to get a better artery - I am fairly active (back at work after 2 1/2 weeks of a proph UMX and double DIEP (actually  guess it is a free TRAM flap) - I notice NOTHING on the side where he took a piece of the muscle - the other side has a pesky little nerve - but really - since you are in good shape, you will fly through this surgery - you will not be able to use your core to move, so will need to depend upon your legs and arms - I run and do yoga so both were good - it is weird not to use your core b/c I normally focus on using it in running and sitting but you will not be able to ... one trick I learned was that when the lower  back gets sore from not moving much, slight pelvic tilts while lying down helped a lot!  Best of luck.. My original reconstruction course was a TE to implant and, weird as this is to say, I am glad that failed b/c I know this is the better option for me... No regrets here at all....

ReadingMama

treesprite - what a great idea!  too late for me...  In tomorrow I go... I did "measure" breast and take before pictures and said goodbye to them today...

Kay_G

Good luck ReadingMama, you'll do great!



Tree sprite, what a cool idea!

regenschirm

Thinking of you Reading Mama!   Sending healing thoughts and positive energy your way.  

I had a rough day today.  Too many errors at the hospital including the surgeon not being there (for my scheduled appointment).  Then had the wonderful experience of going into the little room for buck naked photo op.   Not my finest hour (or perhaps it was...).     Feeling so drained just now. 

goldlining

Good luck ReadingMama! Sleep well!

bdavis

Meegan... Thinking of you !!!!

goldlining

Regenschirm - naked photos?? Nobody's taken any naked photos of me. I did have that when I was 19 and having a reduction, but nothing now. I'm not supposed to see anyone for anything until 06:00 on Dec 15 with an empty stomach and a sleepover bag.

You're on the 13th, aren't you? CookieMonster and I are on the 15th if I am not mistaken. Who else in the next couple of weeks?

Just_V, back to work in 2 1/2 weeks? I worked the day of surgery (at home in PJ after UMX) but I couldn't have produced the work on a predetermined timetable. I just worked when the energy and concentration aligned. For the DIEP (same as you, UMX and bilat DIEP) I plan to do stuff as soon as I am up to it but holy cats! I have pre-emptively booked off 8 weeks, with the intent to use any spurts of energy to get ahead of the things I would do once I got back, and to do those out of view so people don't get ideas about piling stuff on. I envy your fitness. That was my best-laid plan that went awry. I had an unfortunately timed wonky hip and am sure I have deconditioned a bit from running. Interestingly, the pelvic tilt trick is what I've been using along with chiro and electroacupuncture to relieve the pain and heal the hip.Cool.

CookieMonster

Best wishes to you Meegan!!

mgm1953

Reading Mama- hope all went well! Hang tough: Regenschirm and Cookie monster.

I had topless photos taken, front and side.  PS joked that it was just like jail (mug shots for breast recon)..trying to keep things light at an awkward moment.

3 weekaversary today. Wounds are drying up, down to 3 advil 3x a day. Prickly pains and sore and achy, but at as severe as before. Stiff and sore under arm- Ow. And that belly numbness is so weird- no one prepared me for that. Still can't stand up straight or wear any clothes but loose stretch or yoga or pj pants. I'm on leave from work, don't know what I'd do if I had to dress for success! Forcing myself to take half-hour walks, hoping somehow to reduce the swelling.

Just want to heal, get strong and move on. It's all kind of surreal (especially when I look at my scarred up body in the mirror) but  I've accepted it. Honestly the worse crying  was on the day I found out the doc's recommended a Mx (and downed 3 big shots of vodka).

And dealing with my father's death took the focus off myself.

  I really feel for those of you who are younger and have growing kids (mine are in their 20s)  it would have been so difficult for me. My heart goes out to all of you!!!

Kay_G

Gold lining, I had naked photos taken right before surgery. I think I would have had a heart attack if someone on this thread hadn't prepared me for it. The PS came to talk to me and draw on me just before surgery and she had a camera around her neck. I guess it might go into her book of before and after pictures that she showed me back at my first appointment. I guess for me doing it right before surgery when I was pretty preoccupied was probably better than the day before. Not sure when/if she will want to take after pictures.

Just_V

Goldlining - I recall your posts from the running thread - once this is over (will it ever be really over - but over in that our recovery has us to a point where we can start doing the exercising we had been), check out ChiRunning.com - it is a running process that protects ankles, knees, and hips... I used it and will return.  And I am back to work but left early the first day and am working from home the rest of the week - I'm lucky to have that option...  but I do feel pretty darn good.

Kay - totally know what you mean - I go from Bride of Frankenstein when I get out of the shower, to an extra on The Return of the Mummy by the time I have taped up my incisions!  Amazed and disgusted all at the same time...LOL

MGM - I agree -with a 17 and 22 year old, my journey is so much easier than it must be for women with little ones... One of my June Mastectomy friends has four little ones - I cannot even begin to imagine how hard that would be..

regenschirm

Just V:  I really love your attitude. Bride of Frankenstein/Return of the Mummy.  Love it!   Approaching this whole thing with humor is the key to getting through it.    I usually do but today has been emotionally draining, especially on the heels of my frustrating pre-op visit.  I'm trying to keep my energy up because this coming week I have some important school meetings.  ( I have two children with autism spectrum disorders and their annual "ARD" meetings are due).  Ended up losing it in the principal's office today.  Why does that always happen?  I go weeks with no tears and then they come when I am unprepared.

Just_V

Regenschirm - I get it... I think the meds we are on, not to mention, well, the crap we are going through, makes us all emotional.... {{{Hugs}}}  During Thanksgiving, when we go around and say what we are thankful for, I got all teary eyed when I said how thankful I am for husband during this time... I think that when we are talking about our family (husbands, kids...) that brings our emotions to the forefront, and add in the crap and the drugs... well... that is why it happens, at least that is why I think it happens.....

NotAfraid

I have had top-naked pics taken at each stage by a prefessional photographer in my PS' office.  I had a wierd idea that, after I'm all done, I'll take the photos and make them into a GIF that shows the transformations.  Who knows if I will.  I have a feeling that, when I'm done, I'll be DONE.

CookieMonster

My PS took photos (but no head in them) straight on, then 45 degrees to each side and then all the way sideways to each side already. I suspect he'll do more after each stage. I may have DH take some too, but the PS said we could have the ones he took too.

Just_V

OK - so my second post op PS visit - graduated to no need to wrap my incisions and to putting cream on them instead... little steps... we will be talking about Stage 2 at my appt on 12/22 -- my skin grafted nipple is looking very good (the other is normal - was not compromised)... things are looking up!

treesprite

Just V: it is all about the little steps and eventually all the little steps add up to big ones!

Just_V

treesprite - true that!  I notice now as the incision scars improve each day, and my grafted nipple is healing... and I need fewer naps... looking forward to Stage 2 -- looks like you and I may end up with our final surgeries about the same time.  BC, as sucky as it is, has put priorities in order...

mgm1953

Just-V:

Glad to hear you're healing.  My incisions look better every day. My foob looks pretty good, but there's a small yellowish discoloration on the skin (kinda bruise-ish-not hard underneath)- anyone else have that?

 I've been afraid to scrub down the incisions, so some of the surgical glue is still on- but when all falls off I'm going to apply Vitamin E, which helped after radiation and lumpectomy. 

My most pain,almost a month out, is under my arm, and occasional stabbing pains in the chest area. I force myself to do gentle stretches but OW does that hurt. I seem to recall similar pain and tightness after the lumpectomy, which subsided, but it took months, maybe years. I wonder if the radiated tissue has anything to do with it.

My second post op w/ PS is Friday, wonder what he'll recommend.

treesprite- are you all done with the finishing touches? how do you look and feel? still have numbness?

health to all,

mgm

treesprite

I just completed my fourth and hopefully my last surgery in this journey . . mx with tx oct 27, 2010, uni diep Mar 22 2011, stage 2 aug 17, 2011 and stage 2B Nov 22, 2011 . . . I HOPE that leaves only tattooing! 

BC does rearrange our priorities and not much we can do about that. BC inspired me to go to grad school, something I've wanted for years . . . I've had excuses for not living my life forever and here was the perfect excuse to not 'whatever' yet again and it made me realize how I had been making excuses. People think I'm a bit nuts and I hope I'm not using BC as an excuse to drive myself . . .I'm trying to be thoughtful and realistic  . . . I hadn't planned on surgery in November; asked for a couple of extensions on the projects/papers for finals and I'm setting my sights on PASSING not on perfection/4.0 land and overachieving. Trying . . . been doing this driving myself thing a lot of years . . not so good for stress and health. I'm not working, so that makes it all more reasonable. 

CookieMonster

Hi everyone,

I'm wondering how long my surger is going to last. It's Unilateral MX followed by Diep on that side only. If you had a smiliar surgery, how long did it last? 

Thanks!

-Judy

treesprite

mine was only uni diep (delayed recon), so I can't be much help - 6 hours. A lot depends on your team, how many on the team, how many they have done etc. The nice part is that you will be all nighty night for it and so it will feel like a catnap in terms of length. What is your surgery date?

CookieMonster

My surgery is Dec. 15. The PS says 10 hours, but I think he's padding. Also, I'm only doing UMX not BMX so they only have to reconnect blood supply to one not two sides. I think 8 hours is about right, but I've not really talked to anyone who's had Uni w/DIEP. I know that there are at least 2 PS, and there will be other underlings as well. It's UCLA so also a teaching hospital so there may be some observers as well.

-Judy

mgm1953

Judy,

 My uni w/ DIEP was at Kaiser West LA (which is a teaching hospital for USC Plastic Surg Dept). Took around 10 hours. My PS (who joked that they take breaks for meals etc). was the teacher. Lotsa residents in the operating room. The whole crowd visited me in the hospital the next day. Everyone seemed delighted that the results looked nice, and no complications. Hope it's the same for you!

xo

mgm

treesprite

they do take breaks, they have to . . .although my PS is young and said he typically goes right on through, although I bet they step for bathroom, coffee, snacks, that kind of thing.