Daughters of Mothers with bc.

inshallah

Im 19 years old and my mother has been diagnosed with bc cancer stage 3b. I wrote this in a wrong forum and I wanted to repost it here so more people can connect and talk.  I cant talk to my friends because no one understands the pain im going through. i dont want to talk to my mom about it because i know even though shes acting strong shes as scared as i am. i love my mother with all my heart, she is everything to me. i want her to be there when i get married and i want her to be with her grandchildern. But now i feel like there is a hole in my heart cause i never knew one day i would have to wonder whether my mama will be at my wedding or in the hospital when i give birth. im so scared worried depressed and i dont know what else or how else to describe it. I feel so alone.

BrokenHeart

Inshallah,

I am so very sorry your Mother has BC, and sorry for the pain I know you are enduring on an emotional level.  There is NO way to describe what you are feeling.  The closest I would say is an horrific fear of loss so deep it goes beyond what can be said.  I hope that makes sense to you.

I know you probably have already been told that there is lots of treatment for your Mother, but I also know from experience that it makes no difference to know that. 

I have found that I go through stages of fear, denial etc, almost all of the grieving feelings, and yet my Mother is alive like yours - still I mourn for her suffering. 

I can tell you that everything you are feeling, thinking and suffering is normal, and just shows you love your Mother dearly and deeply.

Like you, I feel very alone despite 'people'.  If you ever wish to PM me, please feel free.  I really know all you have said, and I feel your pain. 

Hugs for you and your Mother,

Zeana

geek

You aren't alone, sweetheart.  I'm so sorry.  My mom has been diagnosed with stage iiib as well.  I'm 26, and wonder about if my mom will be around to see her grandchildren too.  It is a scary, unknown time.  I find I don't know what to do or think.  It hurts so much that she hurts.  There isn't much we can do...except be there when she wants to talk, hold her hand, be a light and love.  When our world is shaken, it's so hard to feel like yourself.  Just take good care of yourself (physically and emotionally), and tell your mom you are there for her. ((HUG))  I'm here if you want to talk! 

CV9

You're not alone - it's horribly sad that there are so many of us and yet it's nice that we're not alone- I'm 23 and had to take time off from grad school to come home and look after Mom when she was diagnosed with BC in May.  It's the hardest thing I've ever been through and to all of you going through it - my thoughts are with you.  I'm scared all the time - we both are.  The fears are totally normal - I want her to see me graduate, see me get married, play with my kids.  And I try to be strong enough to convince both of us that she will be.  Because the alternative is so much worse.   It is the uncertainty of it all that makes it the hardest - for my mom, she is having a terrible time with chemo and every day is another side effect.

 I'm not sure i'm expressing any of this well - my friends say I don't talk to them enough about it but how can you? They have no idea what its like.  But you, all of you, are wonderful and strong and not alone.  

Thank you for creating this thread so I can see that there are other people in this situation too -  I'm so sorry you have to go through this!!!!!!!!!!!! 

ddoyle

I'm sorry to hear about your mom.  I went through the same thing about two years ago but my mom lost her battle with bc last year.  Like you I was scared and worried, but no matter what it is scary and very sad.  My mom will never see me get married or have children and I pray that you won't ever have to feel the way I do every day since her death.  The only advice I can give is please don't think about the what if's, be in the moment with her, support her, kiss her, hold her, and love her.  No matter what tomorrow might bring to both of you, you need to live for today.  It is in those moments that you will never forget and you will cherish one day, who knows your mom might make it and live to be 102 but you can never know for sure.  So the best advice I can give is just spend as much time with her as possible.  Love on her, and just be with her and know that God will always stand by your side no matter what the outcome of this is he will help you through it and this I am for sure.

KPhilli

I'm so sorry that you and your mom must go through this.  I know it is dreadful.  My mom has Stage IV and it NEVER leaves my mind. What I have learned over the past months is that moms tend to put the feelings of their children first.  Your mom is probably just as worried about you as you are about her. Take her lead.  Your very presence will have a supportive effect. And try to take care of yourself in the process (easier said than done). Hugs