Breathing a sigh of relief that this board exists

pynkkameleon

Cranky, depressed and a bit zapped of energy tonight but I thought I would at least pop in to say "hey".  I look forward to making my way through the posts and throwing my own two bits in here and there but for now I will go back into my lil corner

The harder you fall, the higher you bounce!

Lovegolf

Welcome to a place you never wanted to be.....here's to the bounce back!

eileen1955

Welcome.   glad you have found this board.     I dealt with cancer "solo" in 2003 and only wish I had this kind of online group to turn to.      Looking forward to hearing from you; but I totally understand your need to sit back and "absorb" for a while.      eileen

pynkkameleon

Thank you both for the welcome.

 I'm not quite as cranky today as I was the other night, Gotta love the Tamoxifen mood swings. They certainly do keep life interesting.  

I am now a year out from my diagnosis and in a place of WTF just happened to me and where do I go from here? I haven't had an identity crisis since I decided to come out of the closet and that was nothing compared to this. Anyway, my hope is to make some friends, enjoy some giggles, gain some knowledge and see which grows back faster; my hair or my bouncy tigger tail.

Vonni

eileen1955

I remember my one year anniversary as being anxiety-ridden.  Where had my life gone?   and when was I going to stop waking up with the first thought being "OMG, I have bc" 

I am seven yrs out now. And I have a great life.  

I just wandered on this lesbian board even tho I am straight.  We are all women dealing with the anxiety of bc so I didn't feel that I  should hold back.       I'll respect whatever the consensus on this is.             

pynkkameleon

Very anxiety ridden. At least for me it is. I question if its the Tamoxifen, the being left out in the world to fend for myself now or the rollarcoaster ride I just took? I suspect its all of the above and then some. All I know is that I don't feel "normal" anymore. My relationships with others have and are changing. I go from bouts of poor pity me to thinking that I can take on the world. I cry at the most ridiculous things and unfortunately I don't have a lot of self confidence right now. And OMG the mini rages that I have!  Where did this anger come from and where on earth did the sweet patient me go?  In 2 months I turn 40 years old. A year ago I thought that I knew what I wanted and where I was going in life. Now..? Who knows? Is this my midlife crisis?

On the other note, I cannot speak for anyone else here on this forum, but for me, I welcome you and am thankful that you reached out to share your words. We are bonded as women and especially as women with Breast Cancer. True this is a safe place for those of us that identify as lesbian/queer/gay/bi etc.. however I see no issues as long as it continues to remain a safe and respectful place. Personally, I think that its great that you wandered onto this board because unfortunately we live in a world where there are entirely too many people that cannot see past the labels.

The harder you fall, the higher you bounce!
Diagnosis: 10/15/2009, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIb, Grade 3, 1/8 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-

Lovegolf

There is no getting around or away from it: Cancer changes you.  Your body is greatly changed and "the scars are still there in the mirror everyday".  I know I have changed in so many other ways too. On one hand I feel more and cherish things and people in my life more.  On the other hand I find I have little time or energy for what I feel is small or not important...only problem there are still the cancer free in the world who feel these things are important so that can be issue.  I see people fighting or in conflict over where to eat or where to send the children to school and want to scream at them that there are people fighting for their very life so have some perspective.

I think on many levels I am kinder than ever; while on another I  now do not to tolerate negative energy. I have learned
the world will not spin backwards if I am not in my office by 8:30am nor if I leave at 4:30pm some days. I call and email
my friends more and have forgiven old hurts. (Oh shit I am preaching)  I also drink better wine and use the "good" glasses. 

Vonni I know on my 1st year day it really hit me hard. I think for the year I was so focused on getting through and just rushing through to give myself any real time to feel or process what I had been through. I guess we never forget that date.

diana50

yeah, this stuff is just so hard. well, this is a comforting place to connect and get some support/.

post often. ask for help. we are here.