"So....what's your prognosis?" (Insert sad look here)

heathermcd

Since being diagnosed with breast cancer in June I have had numerous people ask me "what is the prognosis"? Of course i'm hoping that the prognosis is good - my oncologist said "we'll get you through this" and "you're going to be just fine"....but I guess no one ever told me what my "prognosis" really is. I feel like this question is a basic request to know if i'm planning on dying soon. Does anyone have any good ideas about how to answer this question?  Any help would be appreciated. I'm not sure why it bothers me so much, but this question really bugs me!  

momand2kids

My answer is always "Excellent!"

Suzybelle

My fave is when someone asks, "So, how are you doing?" (emphasis ALWAYS on 1st syllable of doing) with that very grave look  that says that they expect me to fall out dead at any moment.  I just want to pass gas, or pick my nose or something really gross to make them run screaming in the opposite direction.

Wieners.

lago

This is rather personal information. I would tell some people that. You can also tell people you don't feel comfortable discussing this. (Discussing your chance of not dieing is morbid). You can tell them you haven't discussed this yet with your doctor, s/he has been focused on treatment… they should get the subtle hint.

Sarcastic Options*:

Better than yours if I out live you.

The same as  yours, we both are eventually going to die.

You really want to know? (That might scare them a bit)

I'm not expecting to be hit by any buses tomorrow so pretty good.

Depends if the bomb attached to my chest detonates.

Well I'm shopping for my grave stone tomorrow... wanna come?

You'll have to ask him/her. I'm no expert (hand them out your doctor's business card)

Hopefully not too good. I haven't saved enough in my 401K.  

* Always good to keep a sense of humor.

apple

that is such a 'wrong' question.. i just feel that not any old person needs to know .. it's an invasion of privacy.  I do know people mean well and I don't confront them or let the question lead to cancer talk.

i just say ' i feel great' and change the subject

NSWTD

This post reminds me of a column I read from Ms. Manners......she suggested when someone was asking a question too personal for you to what to answer to look them straight in the eye and say....."now, why would you want to know that?"   I have used that response, always with a smile, then change the topic.  I have NEVER had anyone ask me twice.  

Now, the snotty side of me might like to answer a question of "so, how is your prognosis" with something such as......."I expect to die to tomorrow"......but that would be too rude now wouldn't it? 

 

D4Hope

I told one woman who asked that  my prognosis was death by the hand  of my hubby if i don't get out of this store and home so he can cook the steaks.. She was horrified LOL

Bugs

A friend of mine asked me that question.  I just told her "by the way...people diagnosed with cancer REALLY hate that question".  I gave her a brief explanation why and she got the "ahhhh" look on her face, so sometimes being gentle but honest is a teachable moment for others.  Of course...those sarcastic options above are pretty good, too.  LOL

rreynolds1

I think people don't know what to say.  Like at a funeral when they say, "Doesn't he/she look good?." 

Roseann

jrgolomb

I have had only a handful ask me about my prognosis.  They usually just say "How are you?" and give me a wondering expression on their face, as if I am going to tell them everything.  I just returen with a terse " I am fine."  They always expect more, so I am like apple- I change the subject. 

I do like Iago and D4Hope's options.  I will try it next weekend because I will be around many people I have not seen in a while.  I'll let you know how it goes!

barbe1958

Depends on who's asking of course and whether I care if I upset them, but I'll say I'm just one diagnosis away from Stage IV and then I'll have a better idea. (No offense to any IV'ers here (Apple!) but it does shut people up!)

jrgolomb

lol-Barbe---whether I care if I upset them.....

lago

I could make up sarcastic ones forever. Just added 3 more to my post. Granted I haven't had to use any. Hopefully I won't.

BarbaraA

I tell the folks I like and care about 'I'm fine, thanks for asking.' I tell the ones I could care less about or do not like 'I'm fine until cancer decides to come back which could be any day now.' Then walk away.

kirismum

"Hopefully not too good. I haven't saved enough in my 401K."

 Lago! I LOVE this!! LOL.

anonymice

LOL love the 401k.

Personally, I post a lot of details about my case on Facebook.  I have mixed feelings about it, but I have IBC and so many people don't understand about it that I feel it is something I can do to make a difference.  But then, when they go look up IBC and see the really poor prognosis which is significantly different from both my personal reality and the reality of treatment today, they get very worried.  I will delete them if I feel differently later, but if my first gp doctor had known about IBC I would have started treatment a month earlier.  And of course I also realize - what happens on the net, stays on the net regardless of deletion. 

I don't think I would mind my parents or a very close friend asking, but that is definitely an insensitive question.  But good people do say stupid things - I know I've said many a dumb thing in my life with no intention of being hurtful or annoying.