Great saying about depression

3jaysmom

hi guys, just a fly by... im hoping for b9 also; of course. i think they p;an to do surgery; as oppossed to biopsy; the mass in the thyroids too big.. i so appreciate the luv and care...

   i hope ya'll are doing well. San Clemente, i understand, IS beautiful.. went once to Ca. but just saw outside of LA; and airport... hope you feel better Rowan; im suseptible to  the anest. as was said..we "have the blues" anyway, so that seems to set it off. any surgery is traumatic to our bodires, our system.....3jays

barbe1958

3jays, I know we want it to be B9, but we DO want them to find something!!!! I hate going to the doctor and all the tests come out okay, but I KNOW something is wrong. Sometimes it takes longer for your body to be sick enough to alter bloodwork so that you have proof that somethings wrong. Do you know what I mean?

Some of us are just hyper aware of our own bodies. I knew I was pregnant the day after I conceived!

rowan

Feeling better today, mentally, not as foggy--maybe it is the anesthesia.  Still some pain, ouchy, kind of raw feeling.

Since we have been talking about grief and death--I think losing someone without any warning is very hard.  I know some people will argue that watching someone die for months or even years is harder, but I think that it is a different kind of pain.  I think either way we feel the loss, the finality of death, but when it is sudden, as in a car accident, we don't have anytime to prepare or brace ourselves or think for even a moment what will this be like?  It just is and then we keep living. 

barbe1958

I agree with you Rowan. That's kind of why I sometimes dwell on losing members of my family. Like, how would I cope with losing one of my grandchildren? Or my brother? It's silly thinking, but it kind of prepares you in a way. But to lose my DH??? Dig a second grave, cause I'm going too!

MBJ

Didel:  Wow, such a traumatic day.  I envy people who can feel and grieve so openly.  We could learn something from them! 

Kate:  So sorry to hear about how you lost your father.  I lost my little brother to a motorcycle accident when he was 21 and I was 23 and I don't think I ever got over it.  To this day I have dreams about him--he never talks, he just hangs out for awhile and it's like he never went away.  I realy miss him!  Both of my parents died of heart attacks and my older brother died a couple of years ago.  When I met my DH he had just lost both his grandparents, then I lost my mother then he lost his father, all within our first two years together.  Crazy, huh?

MBJ

Rowan:  I had horrible depression after the exchange and I blame it on the anesthesia and also finally having to deal with so many emotions that came up that I hadn't dealt with since my diagnosis.  Hugs!

Anonymous

rowan- I read that more women experience depression after treatment has ended than they ever do during.  Like MBJ said, it's the time you can finally take a breath and deal with all the emotions of BC.  I beat myself up about it thinking, "Why am I depressed now?  I'm all done!  I should be happy!"  After I read that I felt better knowing why I was feeling the way I did.  You've been through and, hopefully, those around you will realize the process isn't quite over yet but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

MBJ- That is a whole lot of loss for two people and then BC gets thrown into the mix.  Not sure I would have been as strong as you have been.  I still miss my Dad, too.  I was only 20 when he was killed and the last time I saw him was on my wedding day (first marriage).  He flew back to Michigan and I never saw him again.  I had a wonderful stepdad but no one can ever take the place of your dad or mom.  

I'm struggling with my own funk today.  Then when I get this way I stop exercising, I eat crap and then I feel worse.  Somedays I just feel so self destructive but at least it's just chocolate and couch potato stuff- not drugs and alcohol.  Does anyone seem to have some kind of seasonal depression?  Mine always seem to get worse during our hot summer months.  Maybe because I'm less active when it's hot? 

Anonymous

Just found this article about lifestyle after BC affecting depression.  Guess I'm going to have to get off the couch now.  

http://www.mycanceradvisor.com/2010/03/30/if-mental-well-being-plays-a-role-in-cancer-survival-how-do-i-prevent-depression/ 

Anonymous

Here's another good one-

http://beyondbreastcancer.wordpress.com/2009/08/16/jerry-remy-talks-of-his-depression-after-cancer/ 

rowan

Thanks Kate and MBJ--I took a 1/2 percocet-- I am tired of my the real physical pain--no, it's not horrible, but it's persistent, and yes, it does make me feel better overall. I'm feeling defensive--can you tell?   I'm rationalizing and treating myself as a patient at the same time, but I really believe once I can get active again that much of this depressive state will get better.  I did have a life before this and it's still out there. 

I totally agree with you, Barbie.  I would be a basket  case without my husband.  MBJ--I know I wrote about my one brother's suicide...I also lost my other brother, and only other sibling, three and half years earlier to a neck injury caused by a jeep accident.  He was fresh out of boot camp (Navy '67) and stationed in Maryland.  I was in the 8th grade at the time and thought he hung the moon.  they were six and eight years older than me so I was always biding my time to grow up and be like a real person to them.  I  think the death of my first brother played a huge part in the suicide of my second brother--they were two years apart and very close.  Very different people, but also close.  so I can see why you were so affected (and still are) by his death.

I'm not trying to be morbid here--I actually started a memoir years ago with a working title Becoming an Only Child because I was SO devastated by the loss of my brothers...I had to  put it aside a couple of years ago because it literally made me too depressed...but at the same time, I think the writiing about it also gave me back my sanity...I'll pick it up again.  I'm really enjoying my fiction right now.

I guess that's why I am such a proponent of a creative outlet of any kind for people who are depressed.  I was driven to write but there are so many other creative pursuits that we can lose/find ourselves in.

Kate-Wow--that is a lot of loss.  I think the other thing about losing someone suddenly--and I think you already said this, is that you never get to say good bye.  Plus--at least for me, it really tore a hole in the faith I was handed as a child.  I think everybody should question their beliefs and find what's right for them, but the pablum I was handed as a teenager really made me angry and bitter for a long time. 

And super hot weather puts me in a bad mood--I hate it. so we agree on that, too!

walker2222

Kate thanks for the links.

MBJ

(((Kate)))):

Rowan:  I have brothers who are much older but unfortunately I lived long enough to see them as the real people they are.  My older brother, who just passed, was not a very compassionate human being and was quite awful, really, and I never quite forgave him for being so awful to me later in life.  My little brother and I were very, very close so I get how easy it would be to end one's life after losing a sibling.  Writing can be incredibly healing and it would be great to heal this part of your life.  Hugs.

Jen42

I just got caught up on this thread again. I wasn't even away from it for very long. Whew. Hugs to everyone who posted about losing family members / friends in such sudden and  tragic ways. It always comes back to "live each day to the fullest", and " you never know if you'll see someone again, so try not to stay mad at them" and those kinds of thoughts.

Kate: I am also feeling lazy and eating crappy. Which makes me not feel good. It's a vicious circle.

barbe1958

Rowan, I LOVE your working title! A VERY powerful image and message. I write as well, and just can't quite pick up the pieces yet to arrange them into words....but I will.

Anonymous

Rowan- I agree with barbe- Great title for your book. It would be hard to write but probably very therapeutic for you and your intended audience. Might give you a way to say good bye since you didn't get that chance.



Barbe- I like what you said about arranging the pieces. I'm feeling the same, lately. Just random thoughts scribbled in various notebooks scattered over the house or stuffed in drawers. I can't seem to string it all together. I'm feeling very ADD.

barbe1958

Did I tell you guys that the therapist I'm seeing thinks I'm ADD??????? REALLY???? I was quite shocked thinking that I can concentrate (when I want to) and learn things (when I want to) and stuff like that. Then I read up on it and by golly, she may be right!!!

My PCP says it's possible. Doesn't mean anything in this day and age except to be aware of it. I'm vegging in the livingroom today because it's too hot to go for a walk. What should I do on days like that? With the humidex it's over 100. I sweat too much in heat like that. I'm just sitting here turning the fan from the couch (reading or TV) to the computer. What's a good way to exercise in heat? I'm not eating much, so I guess that offsets it and I'm not moving too much so I don't need more pain meds....so really it's a good thing...right?

DiDel

OMG I am with you Barb tooo hot to do anything. I took Charlie for a car ride instead of a walk today...I think it did the trick.It's been miserable hot...although when I sweat even if I am just sitting I must be burning calories as if I jogged 10 miles...right??

Rowan I too love the title. I am not much of a writer but sometimes I will write things in a journal...then I feel too vulnerable and rip out the pages.

MBJ I saw an independent movie On Demand called Good Neighbors...is it a take on your hubby's book?? I am gonna get his book it sounds interesting...matter of fact I'm gonna hop over to Amazon now before my mush brain forgets

Have a good night everyone...thanks again for all your support!! Love you ladies!

Diane 

Anonymous

barbe- Do you have a mall you can walk around?  That's what people do here when it's too hot.  The mall opens up early just for the walkers.  The stores are closed but it's nice and cool and easy walking.

MBJ

Kate:  Mall walking is so dangerous for me because I end up spending money.  It's great for a hot day though--nice a/c and lots of miles to cover.

DiDel:  I wish that was my husband's book that was made into a movie--that's still in negotiations!!!  The original book's name was called "Acts of Violence" but his New York publisher changed it to Good Neighbors.  We aren't thrilled with the new title-there are so many other books already called this and apparently a movie, too. 

Rown:  I agree, great title! 

DiDel

MBJ oh boo I was hoping...I did just order the book though!! Looking forward to reading it!

Kate...Old people walk in the malls here...if I wanted to do it for exercise It would be an obstacle course of blue hairs...

MBJ

Didel, lol!!!  It's a good read--gave me chills the first time I read it!  He is writing the last two chapters of his fourth book and I am waiting with baited breath because I already finished the first part and I want to know how it ends!

DiDel

MBJ Thats cool! I'd love to be reading a story as it developes. I will be reading it in daylight!! I live alone remember...I love a good scare.

Di

MBJ

Didel:  Oh, good.  Not a book to read in the middle of the night alone!

DiDel

Now I am really scared!

barbe1958

MBJ, your DH might not even know how it ends! Truly!! When I wrote my last novel, it developed as I wrote it. My DH would come home and I'd say 'You're never going to believe what Cody did today!" It was kind of freaky, because it was like someone else was writing it. Does your DH write like that or does he do an outline and just fill in the gaps. Ask him if he knows exactly how it is going to end and then just writes to get there, or if he's writing along and the end develops. I'd be interested to know.

barbe1958

I just remembered something funny from that book I wrote (never finished). My BFF read it one night with her TV on just to 'keep her company'. She was so freaked out by what I wrote that she decided to sleep with her lights on! She tried to turn the TV off and it wouldn't go off!! She actually woke up her step-dad to come in and unplug it from behind a wall unit!!! ehehhehehehheheheheheh

MBJ

barbe:  Early on in the beginning of a book my DH doesn't know how it's going to end, but once he does then it's like putting a puzzle together to get to the end he has in mind.  So he knows how it's going to end, I don't and it's making me crazy!!!  He has written two chapters yesterday and hopefully the last one today.  Crossing my fingers I get to finally finish it!

barbe1958

How very exciting!! The birth of a book.....

rowan

Dang, MBJ, he is a fast writer.  I am very slow.  It's funny how we have our own methods. 

Thanks everybody 'bout liking my title and kate for the links.  

Went to PS today for after surgery appt.  I'm going to start walking in the morning when it's cool and build up my endurance from there.  My dog is going to be so happy that I can finally start getting back to normal. Every time she sees me putting shoes on she gets so excited, and I have to tell her, no, not today.   PS also said I can start doing regular stretching, but no "exercise" yet.  

Barbe--I guess you don't do yoga?  You can do that in the house....

Jen42

rowan -- I hear you about the dog getting all excited when you put your shoes on. My dog is same way. He seems to know the difference between my work uniform and my walking clothes. One means "bummer, I'm not gonna' get to go anywhere" and the other means "yes yes yes ! We're going for a walk!" He has been so confused these last 7 weeks..."you're home all day but you're not taking me anywhere? I don't get it. And I don't like it."

I can't quite make out what kind of dog you have from the little photo. Mine is a german short-haired pointer, got him from a rescue when he was 4 years old, and now he's 10. He's so handsome and has the biggest heart...and he's also a big goof at times...love him !