sex after skin sparing mx and alloderm reconstruction

Cat123

After I have a skin sparing mx and reconstruction (I'm losing my nipple) will a man be able to tell that i have had bc?  Could he think I just have implants?  Will my breasts still look somewhat good for bedroom activities?  I am single and am just wondering what will happen the first time I have sex with a new partner.....assuming I meet a new partner!

Beesie

Men can be pretty dense about these things, and often if they are having sex they are just so happy that they are having sex that they don't notice anything else, but honestly, if you have a reconstructed breast and a reconstructed nipple, I don't know how a man would not notice that.

If you have DIEP or GAP or TRAM reconstruction, your reconstructed breast probably will move quite naturally and feel very natural but you will have scars - and with that type of reconstruction, you will have scars both on the breast and on your tummy (or butt or wherever the donor site is).  If you have implant reconstruction, since you are in Canada, you would likely have a gummy implant (these are still in clinical trial phase in the U.S. but it's the implant used most often in Canada - it's what I have) and these implants are a bit firmer than natural breast tissue and don't have any natural movement (the breast doesn't sway, it doesn't flatten out when you lie down, etc.).  I don't see how a partner wouldn't notice. 

Sorry I know that's not the answer you want but it's the honest answer, from my own experience and from all the pictures of reconstruction that I've seen.

lago

Beesie is so right. Men, once they know they are going to get some they really don't care.

OK they are not all that extreme but you would be surprised. Once a guy is turned on it's going to take something pretty major to turn him off. In time your scars will lighten. I doubt you will be messing around under florescent lighting with magnifying mirror on the ceiling.

Granted it is my husband but he was seducing me 3 days after my BMX! (Yes I had to turn him away. I needed some more healing time). He is not turned off by my foobs at all and I still have hard tissue expanders that are a little bump in places.

Abbey11

Well, if someone looks at your naked chest in the light, they will see scars from a mastectomy even after the completed reconstruction.  So, I think that you'll have to be up front with any partners about what they might see.  But, the scars do fade.  I'm 18 months past my exchange and change in a health club locker room on a regular basis.  Right after my surgery, I got a lot of women covertly checking out my scars in the locker room.  Now, they don't seem to notice as the scars have faded so much. 

Having said that...I agree with both women above when they say that as long as a guy is getting a little action, he often doesn't care about the details!  About a year after my mastectomies, I mentioned to my husband that I resented breast cancer for changing our sex life.  His response, "How has it changed?"  I couldn't believe it!  I had been sad about the fact that I have less feeling in my chest and worried that he wasn't enjoying my top half as much as he used to.  Apparently, he hadn't noticed much difference.  

If you are really self conscious about your scars after your surgery, I would suggest that you go to a good lingerie store and buy some some teddies or bustiers which you can wear while your having sex.  It will allow you to feel a bit covered up and will give you some confidence.  Guys love that stuff, anyway!

Good luck with your surgery.  This waiting time between diagnosis and surgery is the hardest part.  Hang in there!

Cat123

Thanks everyone for your comments and support.  I already have breast implants from 10 years ago (not big I'm a B cup now) and not one guy has ever asked if they are fake!  However, I know that I have tissue covering the saline implant.  I guess the scars fade too and won't be noticable...especially if do it by candlelight!

Anonymous

Cat123,

You say you have tissue over your saline implants.  How is that so?  Are you talking about augmentation?  Have you had surgery for BC yet?

CoolBreeze

Men are really stupid about this kind of thing especially when the blood has drained to other places.  I think you have nothing to worry about, but anybody who are close enough to sleep with is probably close enough to tell your story to.

Cat123

Hi Double or Nothing,

Yes, I had my breasts augmented 10 years ago so I know what implants feel like but they are sub-muscular and have breast tissue.  I haven't had my surgery yet. If I have the skin sparing mx with implants I'm assuming it will feel much different without any breast tissue.  I would only have it done on the left side.  The PS said that on my cancer free breast we would do an implant exchange so that the two sides match.

Anonymous

Cat123,

Oh, O.K.  The end result of breast reconstruction is very different from augmentation.