WHY AM I SO DAMNED ANAL???

Anonymous

After driving myself crazy last week about the scans my onc wanted me to do, and him telling me yesterday they were all clear, you'd think I'd be fine with everything right?  Nope, I read thru the reports and found a paragraph that has been worriying me all over again and I know I'm going to discuss it in Dec when I see him again for my Zometa.  Anyway this is the paragraph that stuck out and has totally undone the feelings of relief that my onc told me the scans showed no cancer anywhere.  So now I'm wondering about this paragraph on my MRI CHEST W/WO CONTRAST, it says as follows:  

No destructive osseous lesions are present on the right.  On the left there is a small area of abnormal bone marrow edema present on the T2 weighted imaging in the head of the clavicle seen on series#11, image#9. On T1 weighted imaging the findings are less pronounced and there is some enhanced mass to gadolinium.  The findings are nonspecific and could represent an early metastasis.  There is no additional lesion identified.  Again, there is no displaced fracture.  There is no pericaridal effusion in the chest.  There is no pleural efffusion and there is slight elevation fo the right hemidiaphragm.

Impression:

1. Small focal area of bone marrow edema in the head of teh calavicle as discussed.  It is nonspecific in nature. There is no definite fracture or well defined lesion seen on T1.  Of note, a PET/CT and CT eprformed the same day demonstrates no abnoramity in there.  Recommend follow up.

Ok, so am I being overly anal or should I just trust what my onc told me yesterday about the scans not showing any cancer.  He did say the chest clavicle showed some edema, but "that's bullshit" ... So do you think he already decided that this edema is not mets but just "bullshit" and nothing to worry about?

Barb

diana50

barb

listen, you are just trying to stay ahead of this cancer. i get it.  i remember a year or two after i was diagnosed that even when i had a scan and it was "clear" i figured they missed a met.  i was making myself crazy trying to....in my mind...stay ahead of the cancer in case it came back.  i think a better way of describing this...not "anal" but hypervilient which often times happen when one is traumatized.  it takes awhile to resolve.  give yourself some space here. you are still new to the aftercare of being a cancer patient.

trust your oncologist. once i started to do that..i started to relax a bit more.  time...and clear scans...even scans with possible mets on them  ie,,,,watch and follow up in 6 months really don't scare me now, actually, i am more willing to forgo all scans...and i know if it is really cancer...it will eventually show up....and in the meantime..i do my best enjoying each day...and practice not worrying about it so much.

take a breath. they can look again later if you continue to have issues. right now..you are ok. your oncologist believes you are too. hang in there

hugs

diana50

Anonymous

Ahhhhh,  SherriG and diana50,  I really feel less stessed just after reading what your words.  I'm really feeling like my onc can see the BS between the lines and knows the scan is clear. I think it freaked me out because I've always been complaining of bone pain in my clavicle area also, and now I have a reason to know what it is.  I'm not going to worry about it anymore, at least until December when I consult with him before my next Zometa. 

Barb