Possible job move... looking for advice

Laurie09

Hi all! 

I was diagnosed with stage 2b bc Feb 2009 and finished treatment end of the year (2009).  I am currently doing well.  

I need to make a job change (long story, won't bore you guys with the details).  

In my field, there really isn't another opportunity locally, so a job change will involve moving away from my family.  Initially I couldn't bear the thought of moving, but have come to the decision that I need to make a job change and I think I have come to terms with moving.  

There is a GREAT opportunity to teach at a university in a place where I know I would love to work and has good medical care locally. They are giving me a job offer!  I'm really excited and inspired by the opportunity.  Only downside - it's about 1500 miles from where I currently live.   

My parents don't want me to move, but do want me to be happy.  I am seeing my oncologist end of this week and am going to discuss it with her.  

1) Am I insane to be thinking about moving?   

2) Also, I interviewed but did not share my diagnosis with the interviewers.  I did talk with someone in the department who is a friend of mine about my diagnosis, so I suspect that they know.  I know legally I don't have to disclose it, but am I being deceitful by not telling them?  I have worked with some of these people before, so I think that's partly why I feel a little funny about not having discussed it with them.    

Laurie09

Can I resurrect this thread?  

I am at a bit of a crossroads right now and am really struggling with what to do.  

I finished treatment for stage 2b/3a (depending on where you read) breast cancer - ER+ and am close to 2 years out and am doing well.  Overall my oncologist is optimistic about my prognosis.  

My current job is a very unhealthy work environment - I've been here 7+ years and it is only going downhill, so I need to do something else.  There is not another job option in the state.  Because of my specialty, getting another job means moving away unless I change careers.  

I have a GREAT job opportunity 2000 miles away.  It means moving away from my parents who are getting older and have had some health problems (including my mom's breast cancer) but are currently healthy.  My parents and my brother who lives near them have told me they want me to be happy but they don't want me to move.  I would have some flexibility in the new job for travelling back home now and then.  

I feel very excited about the job but am very sad and feeling guilty about moving away from my family.  The breast cancer also doesn't help as I worry about what happens if I have a recurrence and I am 2000 miles away from my family.  I am currently single. 

I can't stay in my current job.  I feel like I should take the job offer I have.  Other options - I could go back to school for 1-2 years and change careers and I have considered doing that.   

Any suggestions?   

Jellydonut

Laurie,

It's sounds like a decision that you and you alone will have to make.  I'm sure it won't be easy as there are so many factors to consider.  Just want to add that if you quit your current job to go to school, it's unlikely you'll receive unemployment benefits.  Do check out the unemployment website of your state and get all the info first before embarking on that route.

Maybe a "Pros/Cons' list will be helpful in your decision.

Congrats on being finished treatment and your good prognosis!

Godspeed,

Jelly

Laurie09

Thanks, Jelly.   I know you're right that ultimately this is my decision.  

Thanks for the tip to look into unemployment benefits.   

This is such a difficult decision.  I'm only 40 and I don't want to live my life always fearing that I'm going to get sick again.  However, I do realize it's another added consideration in my decisions, especially when it means moving away from my support system. 

Are there others out there who have moved for a job after going through treatment?  

Fearless_One

I would take the job. I made it through treatment while single and alone, so can you.   But hopefully that won't happen and you will be okay....

dlb823

Laurie, reading your post, I have a feeling that if you do not take the new opportunity, you will always wonder what might have happened.  The last thing you need right now is a huge negative emotional stress in your life, which is sounds like your present job has become.  And the fact that you describe the new job as "GREAT" sounds like (with the exception of being so far from your family) you're pretty excited about it.

Personally, I think a change of scene could do wonders for helping you to "move on" from bc, which is something we all struggle with to some degree.  And if your parents are healthy now, perhaps it's time to try the new job offer.  If it doesn't work out for any reason, you would have returning to school as a backup plan. 

Just my take on your post  (((Hugs)))   Deanna 

meglove

Laurie, I moved away from my parents and my sister ten years ago to another country for new career. but I now I regret about that decision and not moving back to home sooner. My parents have to come to my new place to take care of me and my daughter after I was diagnosed with BC and my sister has talked to me several time recently about moving back to be close to her but it is too late. There is never a place in the world that you can feel like the same where your grow up or where your family and friends are. You may wait for an opportunity coming up close to home.

Laurie09

thanks everyone.  

Deanna, that is my worry - that I may regret not taking this job.  It's a really great opportunity - more opportunities to advance my career.   Really there's nothing bad about the job except for how far away it is.  

meglove, thanks for your perspective.  that's the other side of my dilemma - I move away and regret it later if I do have a recurrence.  Unfortunately there's not a lot here for me in terms of other opportunities unless I change careers... which I'm not opposed to, but would take some work...  

barbe1958

Your brother doesn't want you to move...nice. But it could also be because he wants you close to take care of your parents. I know you would take care of them, but you would be #1 helper, being single and all.... You will be trapped into the caregiving position with no husband and kids of your own. Just a different spin on it. I've seen it happen to friends of mine. They even have to restrict travel holidays of their own based around the health of their parent!

By moving away you could also move away literally from cancer, especially if your mom is under going treatment which will always remind you. You could re-invent yourself in a whole new environment and grow. You family will adapt. You could have died through your cancer journey.

By staying, you are admitting you expect a recurrence, by your words alone. As said above, you will always wonder..... At 40, you won't be given too many more "GREAT" job opportunities if you're known to pass them up.

Some people don't hear opportunity knocking, even when it's pounding on their forehead.

I'm just sayin'............

Good luck on your decision, please post here to let us know what's happening!

Anonymous

It is your decision and yours alone - not your brother's or your parents - you have to live with it.  I ditto that you are only 40 and have a lot of life ahead of you.  I would take the opportinity in a heartbeat because you will always wonder if you don't.  The change of careers meaning going to back to school can be a backup plan; the current job opportunity is a one time choice.

Claire_in_Seattle

Laurie....

Take the job!!!!! 

For one thing, you need to get out of a toxic environment and onto something positive.  40 is when you should be building your career, not winding down.  You can spend time with your parents later.

I am assuming that you are going to be just fine.  That means another 20-25 years of working.  So a change of venue, and a new place to sharpen your skills, and stay current in your industry.  I don't think you will get this if you stay where you are.

So go where the action is and where you can flourish career-wise and financially.

As for your support system, there is Facebook, Skype, and visits back home.  Or they can come see you and learn about a new part of the country.

Anyway, you want to be fishing in a pond with a lot of fish, not competing with a cast of thousands for a minnow or 2.  I know this is scary, having made a cross country move 3 1/2 years ago, and now interviewing for a full time slot after working solo (including during chemo and radiation).  But it can be done.

Good luck, and please take the long view in making this decision.  That is, where do you want to be 5 years from now, or even long term career-wise?  I think from that perspective the decision is obvious. - Claire

carol1949

Just adding my opinion as well:)  Certainly it is food for thought.  Make a list of your desires both personal and professional.  Also remember that the 3 most stressful things in life are death, divorce and moving!  Can you handle the stress of the move?  Would you have any support unit where the new job is? 

You may qualify for unemployment and education.  My dh lost his job a year ago and he qualified to go back to school on one of the government plans.  They payed for school, and gas money while on unemployment. 

We each have our own journey.  I would ask you to weigh the pros and cons, and pray or meditate on your decision.  There is no wrong decision.  Everything is as it should be!

Laurie09

You guys are so great!  

I am really tempted to take this job even though it's a bit scary.  

The job is at a university where I went to school, so I already know some of the people there so there is a little bit of a support system already there..

I'll talk to my family this week and make a decision  

Thanks so much everyone!  

Jellydonut

Laurie, as you well know, we dont' really know a job or its peole until we're in the position and working the the people on a daily basis.  It certainly can turn out to be your dream job, but it can also have the opposite effect. 

Perhaps taking your diagnosis out of the equation will make it easier for come to a decision.  There are some women who've never had a recurrence (thankfully- and others who never will) and I hope you'll be in that latter group.  Thing of it is, at the minute of diagnosis, we then live with the uncertainty about our future, which is hard to do.

It sounds to be like you may need a Plan A, B & C....just in case.

How much time is given for your to accept, or reject the new job?  If you have enough money saved to get you there and settled in a nice place, and can pay for flights home on a regular basis then the move could be more  palpable.

Think about the move as if you were not diagnosed and see it that makes a big difference in your decision.  Use the other pros & cons but keep that one out.

You're in my thoughts.

Jelly

barbe1958

Laurie, the current job offer can't be a plan B or C. If you don't take it, 6 months from now you can't decide all of a sudden that it's the right move! BUT, on the other hand, if you do take it and it's a disaster (even though on familiar turf) you can move to B or C. That's the flow you have to accept.

iodine

I'll add my 2 cents as  a person who has taken a few risks in my career.(and been glad every time)  My daughter has a master's in her chosen career and even found a scarce job in that career.  At age 35 she quit, went to school to become a massage therapist and is happier than I've ever seen her. 

You are already familiar with the area and know some people there---that's huge!  My poor son has no support system where he has chosen to live and sadly, is pretty shy, so I don't see that changing.

I always remember what my mom taught me: In the end, it's not what we've Done that most people regret --- it's what we HAVEN'T  done that we regret.  So, I feel that I've done it and I have no regrets.  One makes the best decision one can with the knowledge we have at the time.  All any human can do.

dlb823

Laurie, I was thinking about you tonight, and remembered a quote I wanted to share with you ~

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.   Anaïs Nin

This is not to say you should absolutely take the job if your heart's not in it.  But in terms of expanding your life experience, you can't do that without at times just taking a deep breath and taking a risk.

OTOH, Dottie brought up something that had occured to me, too.  If you are extremely shy, as Dottie pointed out about her son, or if you don't have interests that will get you out and meeting people, I think a move like this could be more difficult.     Deanna  

Jellydonut

To clarify something that Carol1949 said about receiving unemployment:  If one loses a job through no fault of their own (laid off, company closed, lack of work) he/she can receive unemployment and monies for school in most cases, providing he/she meets the monetary requirements to open a claim.

However, if one quits a job for personal reasons he/she will be declined unemployment benefits. Going to school, although laudable, is considered a personal reason for leaving a job.

It's always best to get the facts about unemployment before quitting a job by visiting the state website, or going to the unemployment office and meeting with an agent.

Laurie09

I'm not worried about meeting people there.  I can be a little shy, but usually don't have trouble making friends.  

Deanna, I love the quote, thank you.

As far as the unemployment, I don't think I would qualify for unemployment benefits so if I were going to go back to school, it would be on my own dime/school loans, and I would have to figure out health insurance which is a bit of a concern, though I'm sure not insurmountable. 

Thanks guys, it helps to talk this through. 

barbe1958

                   LEAP AND THE NET WILL APPEAR

lauri

While you're waiting to make the leap ... check out the student insurance coverage that might be available (usually only if y ou're full-time)   If your new job would be at a university, the job probably comes with GOOD health insurance (but check it out -- large enployers can often get rid of that pesky pre-existing-condition clause)

I have a friend who bailed on a toxic job after finishing treatment and is SOOOO much happier and healthier.

And as for a support system -- just post on BCO with the city name, and you'll have built-in supporters.  You can even join a hospital-based BC support group for survivors.

If you're moving to or near San Francisco, let me know!

barbe1958

Ooooo, Some jobs will pay for classes for you too! I had one that paid if I passed the class!