Mother w/ stage 4 breast cancer

bellavita21

Mother w/ stage 4 breast cancer

bellavita21

My mom has stage 4 breast cancer (she's 41, i'm 21) that has spread into her liver, lungs, and bones. This is her second time around with cancer, she was in remission from stage 2 cancer from 2005 until last august when it came back. She has been on a lot of chemos and nothing is working anymore. Her tumors have doubled in size in her liver. I am getting so scared. I cry all the time, and it's getting so hard to sleep at night because i can't stop thinking. I can feel anger building in me and it scares me, I am scared of who I will become when I lose my mom, even though i'm damn sure not ready to lose her. I'm sorry I just don't know where else to go anymore so I thought maybe I could find some support here.

dlb823

bellavita, of course you can find support here! 

I'm so sorry about your Mom's diagnosis, and as a mother, I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you.  The best suggestion I have is to introduce your Mom to this website -- specifically the Stage IV section (go to Forum Index above).  You and she will find many women posting there who are living with metastasis, and a wealth of collective knowledge regarding which chemos have helped others, which ones are left to try, etc.  In addition, I think the support there can help your Mom know she's not alone, and give her hope to keep fighting.     

In the mean time, I'm glad you've reached out to us, and I hope we can provide a safe place for you to share your fears and concerns.   Deanna

dlb823

oops!  sorry, double posted

SandiesSoldier

Hi Bellavita21! I am also the daughter of a mom with stage IV breast cancer. My mom also started out with stage II back in 2000. She was in remission for 4 and a half years and in 2005 it came back in her bones. Two and a half years later it spread to her liver. It is also now on the outer lining of her lung (that's how it was explained to me). I spend time on this site every night. Sometimes I am looking for stories of hope. Other times I am looking for a dose of reality. I suppose in someway I am hoping for the best and trying to prepare for the worst. I don't have any magical words that are going to make your pain go away. Has your mom's doctor mentioned any other options for her? Has she gone for a second opinion?

It's 2:00 am and I can hardly keep my eyes open. You've come to the right place for support! I've writtten twice to the women on the stage IV forum and there were quite a few that responded to me.

I'll be on again tomorrow night.

Courtney 

chrissyb

Bellavita, please come to the stage IV board and encourage your mum to do the same.  There are as Deanna said, alot of women living and dealing with the very same mets as your mum and I'm sure among us, we can give her a bit of peace of mind.  I understand that your mum is very precious to you but I'm equally sure that your mum has taught you how to be a strong young woman.

Peace, strength, love n hugs.  chrissyb

bellavita21

My mom is an active member on the stage IV board, that's how I got into this. Does anyone know if there's any other websites or other forums for daughters of breast cancer? I was surprised anyone actually responded to me last time I went over a month without getting any support. What does everyone do to control their anger? My mother lives with me now and all we have been doing is fighting and it makes me feel horrible. I think we're both just so upset and angry and we take it out on each other because no one else understands.

libby88

Our stories are very similiar. 

My Mum, who is in her forties (I'm 22), first had breast cancer in 1993. It recurred last year (six months ago) to a stage IV. It has spread to her lungs and spine. She was on chemo until last week when the doctors told her that it wasn't helping. 

My Mum is still in deep denial, as well as my Dad. I cannot talk to either of them. I get angry frequently and some days I feel like I could just blow up.

 I'm trying not to think about what 2011 will bring. I know it's going to be a rough ride no matter what. I'm trying not too focus too much on Mum's death. My philosophy right now is: Take each day as it comes, keep myself healthy, love my family and no matter what happens I will always pull myself out of bed in the morning and soldier on. 

I don't think any daughter is every really ready to lose their Mum. Throughout my whole life my biggest fear has been losing one of my parents. When I was younger, sometimes I would wake in the night and check to see if my parents were still breathing in their sleep, then I would sleep on my blanket at the foot of their bed. I've never been able to shake that fear and now I'm realising this fear is going to be a reality.

We're going to feel angry. We're going to feel upset and numb and depressed and so full of rage and despair and frustration and pain that we'll think we'll explode...But, ultimately, although we'll have our bad days, we've gotta hold our chins up and keep on truckin'.

When I think like that it sometimes makes me feel better, hope it helps you too.