I cant stop crying

MiaLombardo

Holy friggin macaroni - I have a great faily - Seriously the BEST my guy he makes me laught i have great kids. 08/25/10/ I  had a double mascteacomy - i decided that i did nit want any chance of the cancer coning back and I used to be a pretty level pwerson - i ran to reduce stress. Great Single momn for about 5 years uscessful job. i was seriously truly blessed. I am a Soldier in the reserves. I have plans and goal. I ive a busy active life. or lived. Now at the drop of a hat my face starts leaking and i cant stop it.

You know what else these doctors give you this infation in little pieces that pisses me off - so i choose to have the double mastectome and go see the plastic  surgeon and hesays yeah you cna be active about a week after surgery 10 days i still have drains - i wont be able to run for 6 months.

 So i call and all the lymph nosed a negative - woohoo so I ask, Id all of the cancer gone se syas yes. MIS LEADER.

I now hve to go meet with the oncologist because the cancer was caused by hormoses - what does this mean? Oh nd BTW she wants me on Tomoxafin - for 5 YEARS that has all kids of side affects- I wish some on would have just set me down in the beginning and said look Melisa this is goingto be a very long and painful process it will not be over quick you will not be albse to get back to your life as fast as you want to so you aregoingto have to suck it up and spelled out a REALY time line for me so that I could prepare my self.

EVERYTIME I hear new news or something different it sentsme into tears AGAIN.

oh and BTW Exaonders REALY HURT.

thanks for listening to my rant any information or suggestion on how to stop the tears would be greatly appreciated. 

Susie123

Melisa, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. The way you feel is perfectly normal. Of course you're going to be crying some, you just had your breasts cut off a week ago. Even the strongest of women have difficulty during this time. It's kind of a mourning experience for what has been taken away from us, not just our breasts, but part of our lives and our peace of mind. The expanders do hurt. That part stinks too, but they're not forever. They're just part of the process that really stinks at first. It will get better. You're in the worst part of the experience right now. Just try and "get through it" because that's all we can do, but remember It Will Get Better. This will pass, just hang in there until it does. Let yourself cry when you feel like it. Laugh when you feel like it. Just go with your emotions so you can get through this. It will pass. I went through what you're going through now less than a year ago. I felt just like you feel now and didn't have alot of hope that I would ever feel normal again. You will feel better again, I promise. The whole process at the beginning just stinks and it feels like you life has been put on hold. Just hang in there and kick cancers but!

Susie123

The hormone thing means your cancer was er+ pr+. That means it fed on estrogen and progesterone to grow. The Tamoxifen suppresses those hormones in your body so it cuts off the cancers food supply, and kills it, just in case any of the cancer cells have broken off from the original cancer and tried to spread anywhere else in your body. That doesn't mean it has, that's just normal treatment for er+ and pr+ gals. Some folks have side effects from the Tamoxifen, and some people can't even tell they're taking it.

Medigal

Melisa:  I think doctors don't sit us down and give us ALL the facts at first because they may think we would go screaming from their office and never return.  NO body ever explained to me my diagnosis or what I was in for but just gave me orders as to what I had to do to try to survive.  I think doctors can't handle emotions so they leave it up to us to find out someplace else what to expect. I had to find this group to understand what happened to me and is still happening.  Talk about "tears"! I always thought I was a very strong person who could always take care of everyone else but bc brought me to my knees.  I don't think I have spent one day without tears since then.  My bc was caused by hormones too so since I am post-menopausal, I have to take Arimidex.  Sure it has side effects but I learned to cope with any side effects because I felt it was keeping me alive to still be with my family.  I only took Tamoxifen a short time but had no problem with it but it was the wrong one for me.  It is for pre-menopausal women. 

You seem like you are a strong, tough woman.  You said you are a Soldier in the Reserves. Well now you have been sent to fight a "war" in your own body.  You need to allow yourself to purge the fear and pain away with your tears and then pick up your big guns (whatever you need to survive from bc) and go in to battle.  You "can" come out the winner against bc but it isn't always an easy war to win.  Throw whatever the doctors advise you to do at it and be determined as Hell to not let it be the winner. 

We are here for you any time you need help with your fears or questions you are concerned about.  Emotions don't bother us because we have all spent and are still spending (as myself) a lot of time in tears.  Mainly because we want to be able to go back to how our lives were before bc and we can't.  Once you accept what has happened to you, I think you will be a great fighter against this disease.    Best of luck to you!

MiaLombardo

Thank all of you for your support and encouragement

squidwitch42

Melisa,

I want to reach out and give you a gentle cyber hug ((((((hug)))))) and yes this will get better.  Those tissue expanders do hurt. Have you asked your MD if you can take Ibuprofen or if you need, for something stronger?  You may still have pain meds from surgery, and we all heal differently.  I know needed pain meds for about a month after surgery.  Any pain that is increasing, or accompanied by redness/swelling needs to be evaluated by your MD.  But it does sound like the normal post surgical pain.

For those of us who are used to running/working out/yoga'ing/swimming every day it's very hard after surgery.  We get used to the endorphin rush and the release of daily stress and anxiety. One thought would be to try and channel some of this very normal grief through meditiation and slow deep breathing exercises.

I'm glad you found the boards, and you will be able to bond with others going through this process.  I also participate in a weekly support group that I have been going to for over 8 months, as well as individual therapy that I started through our Breast Care Center.  If you have a Look Good Feel Good group in your area, this is particulary wonderful for getting together with woman who are going through this too...free makeup, and lots of shared laughs and tears.

Hang in there,

traci

AmyIsStrong

I always said that the doctors 'ease' you into this whole thing, step by step. My family/friends didn't believe me, thought I was being paranoid. But I always felt that there was more  - and they unfolded it one piece at a time.  I  don't know which is better or worse - to know it all at once, or bit by bit. Also, sometimes path reports and info becomes available slowly and they tell us as they find it out themselves.

BUT STILL - it is difficult and stressful and upsetting. I, too, have always been a very strong, resilient woman. But this absolutely crushed me. I spent a few weeks crying uncontrollably, not eating, not sleeping, etc. Xanax on the short term did help me to function and keep my strength up in the beginning. Then I didn't need it any more.

I also bought a relaxation/visualization CD and loaded it onto my IPOD and practiced it diligently twice/day EVERY DAY for the first few months. It helped me relax deeply (at least for 20 minutes!) and helped my body to begin to heal. I highly recommend that approach as well.

Stick close to the ladies on these boards. We will walk through this with you step by step. And you will come out on the other side again. I never would have believed I could do all this (surgery/chemo/rads/herceptin/tamox) but I DID. And now I am back living life again. You will be, too!  (And I was terrified of the Tamox and am now just at my one year point and it has not been bad at all.)

PM me anytime if you have questions or need some support.

And thank you for your service to our country!

Amy

I echo what the other ladies here have said - you ARE strong, you WILL make it. It just is so scary & hard in the beginning.

MiaLombardo

I thought i was going cerazy also - and every new thing has sent me into a fit of tears- it is frustrating to cry at the drop of a hat - last night at my birthday dinner I just about cryed and the amazing man that I am with made a stupid wonderful funny joke about stripper boobs and so I just kissedhim in front of every one - it didnt even matter- that is what I have noticed that the things that used to mean so much dont mean anything and that the things that didnt do more - kids family great friends - they all mean everything. As a society we take those for granted -

thank you for your encouraginging words -

Melisa 

jan508

Melisa:

I am 8 days post surgery with DMX and T/E's.  I still have 3 drains and I am waiting on my test to see if I need chemo.

For some reason, like you, I cannot stop crying.  I think it is just a grieving process and we need to get through it however we can. Maybe your doctor can help.

Best of luck and keep us updated

Jan

lago

Melisa:

The worst is not knowing. I too want to know everything upfront. This as you need to know bs is what brings us to tears. My (now former) gyno didn't even call me to tell me I needed a biopsy. One of her staff left a message on my cell phone. I didn't hear from her till I called the office the day after my biopsy and told one of her staff that I was diagnosed with cancer, don't have the doctor call me, I'm firing them… gyno called the next day. Yeah I ripped her a new one.

Anyway don't assume you will get side effect. Even if you do get side effects don't think they will be too tough to handle. Most of the people who post are having problems and seeing if there is a way to control them. Many of the people who don't have problems aren't going to waste their time telling folks how good they feel. 

The good thing about Tamoxifen is it doesn't effect your bones.  I'm being given another drug and I'm scared to death about getting osteoporosis. I have a family history and other conditions that make me a good candidate for getting it.

Bottom line is I found all news is both glass 1/2 empty & glass 1/2 full. Always ask your doctors about the positives and negatives of any treatment.

Most of all if the stress is too much for you see someone and get some anxiety drugs. It isn't uncommon for you to be feeling like you are. It just needs to be managed.