I want to have sex again but I'm terrfied

Mere

I want to have sex again but I'm terrfied

Mere

Two years ago I had my mastectomy. I have recently meet a man I would like to become intimate with. He knows I have only one breast and has said it doesn't bother him. While I believe him I feel so uncertain about how it will be and how I will feel confident and comfortable. I feel uncomfortable about being completely naked with him. What is it like for the first time / few times post op?

sespebadger

Hi Mere,

I had sex for the first time post BMX 6 1/2 weeks after my surgery. I wore a cute bra. I think wearing something pretty like a bra or cute tee or whatever works great.....you don't feel so exposed. I was with my husband, so I didn't have the "first time jitters," but I was anxious about it none the less. Beforehand we said that maybe we would just "make out" so as not to put pressure on us. It had been about seven months since we had had sex due to the big scare of diagnosis, four surgeries, chemo, one week (out of six) of radiation. I am happy to report that the kissing and hugging and playing around felt great and one thing lead to another and lo and behold it was great. Although I don't have breasts, everything else is still there and working fine! I'm looking forward to doing it again soon. Must get teenager out of the house again. Good luck. 

Mere

Thank you so much for replying to my post! It is reassuring. I had decided that a cute bra / lingerie set that my wonderful lingerie specialist has shown me would be what I would wear. It still hasn't happened cos we are not in the same country till October! 

Now this is getting really detailed here, so please don't feel obliged to answer! -but did you take everything off or leave your bra on?? I am wondering how it will feel for my guy to touch me there or if he is obviously avoiding the whole area?? I know this may well be awkward for him too- I don't want to take control the whole process but do want it all to flow! I may well be overthinking the whole thing! Part of it is that I really like this guy and don't want to screw things up! Sorry bad pun!

sam52

Leave just your bra on and perhaps a camisole on top; it is actually quite sexy to have an item of clothing on, especially if the lower half is naked! It also makes you feel less exposed and gives the illusion of symmetry.

He will probably make much of your remaining breast,and find other things for his other hand to do!

I am speaking from experience. Like you, I was terrified at first - a new relationship and not knowing how to play it.Occasionally I 'bare all'; the first time was in the shower which we shared -and he soaped me all over.It has just become normal for us now.

Your confidence will return.

lago

A week after my BMX my husband actually was trying to seduce me! I physcially wasn't ready but when I was I did leave my bra on. He has since seem me without. I'm still only less than 3 week out from surgery.

Believe this man when he says it doesn't bother him. My husband is a leg & butt man. This man isn't having a relationship with boobs, he is having a relationship with a woman he finds interesting and enjoys being with.

Paula1231

My DH and me have not actually had sex yet, as I am very sore and still flinch when anyone comes near my left side, but we are cuddly.  He has seen the new me and I see love and kindness and desire in his eyes.  Lago is so right and now I am sure our relationship is of the mind and spirit and not of the boob.  Be confident in that we have all faced and overcome the crucible of pain, loss, terror, and uncertainty. 

Mere

Hey sisters- I am so grateful that you have replied and I know I am not alone out there.

As the days come closer I am nervous but ok-  next week I will be with my new man!  Because of your reassurance I am feeling less anxious about what to do and how it will go!

lago you are right- he is not having a relationship with boobs but with me! I know that part of becoming confident with myself again is being able to move well beyond the trauma of everything and find peace and my equilibrium.  I am now able to accept the way I look when I see myself in the mirror- and that is only happening consistently now after more than 2 years - I no longer wince at what I see- the regret of no longer being "whole" is passing as I remind myself that surviving with good health is really the only true thing of importance. 

Thanks for your support everyone.

RealtorJackie

  I have been married over 22 years--and believe me,even before my surgery, I didn't have a great body.  But what I do have, is a great husband, who has taken care of me when I had drains, and pain, and tears.  We had sex a couple of days after I came home from the hospital.  I was determind not to let this interfere with out life.  We are back in the groove, and it is helping me feel like I am getting my life back.

jan508

Mere

Take a deep breath and enjoy the experience.  As lago says he's not having a relationship with your boobs.

I had surgery about 6 weeks ago and we have had sex only once since. I think I was more nervous than my DH but I have since gone out and bought the cutest lacy camies...it actually has helped me feel more sexy too until my fill and implants are complete.

Enjoy and don't overthink!

mbtlcsw01

Mere, great advice given here.  I agree with wearing something cute and sexy.  I've been married 37 years and did not want this to change our lives.  After the bmx, my D?H and I looked at the result on the second day.  He is also so kind and caring.  We had sex about 4 weeks after teh surgery.  Even with reconstruction, I always wear some kind of top going to bed.  It is still sexy and satisfying for both of us.  Good luck to you.