how do you cope?

katherinelynne

My Mum has terminal cancer and is slowly but surely heading downhill. She just ended up spending a week and a half in hospital with pneumonia and it really hit home that this is where she is heading. She is very open about the fact she is dying and is planning her funeral and things like that. On the outside i appear to be coping well but inside i feel like i am falling apart. i'm breaking in to pieces and i don't know how to stop it. I'm an only child and losing my mum feels like the end of the world. I don't know how i will cope once she is gone, i can't imagine my life without her. I don't know how i will go on. I just need to know that things will be ok.

BrokenHeart

Katherinelynne,

I am so sorry for you and your Mother.  I cannot answer your question as to how to cope because my situation mirrors your own. 

I often feel anxious, scared, depressed and just have learnt that what we suffer is a type of grief before our loss; its called anticipatory grief, and is normal in many people.

My heart goes out to you, and I still hope your Mother pulls through her pneumonia.  Many women live in stage lV and have some good quality of life over quantity,  and for me after all my Mother's suffering, I just want her comfortable.  I had to realize that at the moment it's about her, and not about me.  That's taken me a long time because I love her so much, but we will get through this.,   Not without pain and heartache, but we will.

Feel free to PM me anytime,

Hugs, Zeana 

CV9

Katherinelynn

• I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. I don't have any answers but I just wanted you to know that my thoughts are with you. Watching our mothers suffer is the hardest thing in the world. 
• Love and hugs
• C

sandiessoldier4

Unfortunately I can relate on every level. I am sitting in my mom's room watching her sleep as I type. Last Wednesday we learned that her cancer took a huge turn for the worse. Her original diagnosis was in 2000. She had 4.5 years of remission but in 2005 it came back in her bones. About 3 years ago it spread to her liver. I suppose we've been lucky to have her as long as we have but I'm sure you will all agree it's still not long enough. Her cancer seemed to progress slowly over the past 5 years until just these past few weeks. I suppose timing is everything because as bad as things are right now we have been given hope through the new drug that just got approved...eribulin. She starts the treatment tomorrow and we are praying for a miracle. 

How do I cope? Depends on the day. I am lucky to have an amazing husband who took over for me at home. I live 2 hours from my parents and have twin girls, age 3. When he learned that my mom's scans showed major progression, he made all the arrangements necessary for me to stay with my parents and will be back with them on the weekends. I miss my husband and daughters so much when I am away from them but for right now, I need to be here with my parents. Either my mom will do well on the treatment and I can help them get through this ginormous bump in the road, or if the treatment doesn't work, I will not have much longer with my mom and I need to be with her every second I can. I can't believe I even wrote that just now but it's my reality and I hate it! The majority of my energy goes into figuring out what I can do for my parents.They have spent their lives doing for my sister and me and all I want to do is make this easier for them.  I can go into a lot more detail but I don't think you were looking for as much as I have given already.

This sucks! It's not fair! Why our moms, right?! 

Dianna_Mc

Katherinelynne,

My dad died last January after a grueling 9 year illness.  How did I cope?  I didn't.  A few weeks after his death I went to my GP and he diagnosed a mild form of post traumatic stress disorder.  PTSD isn't just about people who have suffered a single traumatic event, but includes many people who have been through reoccurring traumas as the result of the ups and downs of a terminal illness.  He recommended a book called "Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life".  It is a workbook that walks you through the ways we think about and react to your emotional struggles.  I found it really helpful and have gone back to it throughout the year.  My mom was just diagnosed with IBC last week and I fully plan to work through many of the exercises over the coming months. Maybe something like this could be helpful to you as well.  My heart goes out to you.

Dianna